#1
spiraling down
born into a world unaccepted
looking inward
maybe its more complex
i just don't seem real anymore
these are the issues, subjects
this is my life
unconscious, only self worthy, respects
living up to what no one expects
if it ain't you its me,
if it ain't me its them
can't go through with it
self pride still barely exists
still these thoughts they resist
and fights out to persist.

locked in a cage with a 8 inch razor blade
untamed, unchanged
can't free from these restraints, chains
the whole world to blame.
.
Last edited by ILoveGuitar07 at Sep 30, 2014,
#2
You have a good caliber in writing. But you have to be a little more creative to write song lyrics. Anyway I appreciate your attempt.
#3
First of all I would like to congratulate you for your attempt in writing. The starting line is not the very interesting one, but it is just okay. If you give more feeling for each line and good flow between each lines then you can be number one in writing. You have good talent
#4
Quote by lesliemartindal
First of all I would like to congratulate you for your attempt in writing. The starting line is not the very interesting one, but it is just okay. If you give more feeling for each line and good flow between each lines then you can be number one in writing. You have good talent


i really appreciate the comments leslie and matthew.
you're advice is looked over and considered.

any comments are welcome by me and i highly appreciate them...you won't hurt my feelings.

check out my new one I just posted....its called "Captivated"
Just wrote it just now in the forums.
............and remember........only you can be you.
.
Last edited by ILoveGuitar07 at Sep 22, 2014,
#5
The modern poems are almost looks like the story type. I feel same about your poem also