#1
The words keep replaying nonstop.
I'm all kerosene and popped tops
but, you stole my lighter,
like you stole the oxygen straight from my lungs.
Only fitting then, that I'd lose my flame
guess I've got nothing to burn

The words keep replaying nonstop.
I'm underwater but my drinks topped,
what's sixteen ounces to six years of regret anyways.
Besides, don't dead bodies float in the end,
well I've been down under for months.
Just a few more and I'll wash up ashore

The words keep replaying nonstop.
I'm cross in a bottle of pills popped.
A bit of Ativan and I swear I'll die for your sins!
...or is that past tense...
Rush another one down cause I can't stand
to remember the feel and the weight of your skin,
A gutless organ with no presence within

The words keep replaying nonstop.
I'm at her church, with all of our clothes dropped.
Praise be to the religion of she!
From another smile,
another line,
to another night spent divine.
Laying in the presence of another
deity;
god I wish it was only me,
But the words keep replaying nonstop.
#2
Nice piece! I like the way you went into a different point of view with each verse, almost like a four seasons or four elements type of thing (at least my crazy mind saw it that way). I also confess the first verse somehow reminded me of The Mechanix by Megadeth, lol.
A few lines here and there tend to get overlong though, they drag the thing out and make it kinda hard to regain pace with the next verse.

Aside from that, good stuff. Keep up the good work!
#3
this is pretty decent, but like your previous piece, it feels so bloated. you could develop maybe 3 or 4 of the images/moments here and have a more concise, deliberate presentation of your ideas.

i will say, the second stanza feels weakest to me. the others have a common thread connecting them, mainly the quasi-religious imagery.

i'm not sure how strong the line "the words keep replaying nonstop" is either. it is okay, it's fine, but i feel you could convey the angst and constance in a better way.

still, i like where you are going. it's very raw at this point; refining it could really make this shine. thanks for posting.