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#1
A joke I made up:

A high school music theory teacher is explaining intervals to his class. He explains that each semitone has an equal spacing of 100 cents in between. He then plunks the C and G key on his piano and says that that interval is a perfect fifth, which consists of 700 cents. One of the students in the back is about to raise his hand to tell the teacher otherwise, but he decided that it was not worth throwing in his 1.96 cents.

What are some other music jokes you know besides that stupid intervals at a bar copypasta and fingering A minor?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#2
How many guitarists to change a lightbulb?
100; one changes the bulb and the other 99 comment about how they can do it better.

How do you know a drummer is at the door?
He knocks hard, but doesn't know when to come in.

How do you know a trombonist's kid is at the park?
He can't swing or slide.
#3
Oh great, canned musician jokes. Like we haven't heard all of those before.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#4
What do you call a guitarist who broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A guitarist who told too many drummer jokes.

What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
His amp.

What does a heavy metal musician use for birth control?
His personality.
Gear:

ESP EC-50
ESP FB-204

MXR '78 Custom Badass Distortion
Dunlop Crybaby
MXR EVH Phase 90
MXR Analog Chorus

"Music is the strongest form of magic." - Marilyn Manson
#5
how do you make a musician leave your living room? pay him for the pizza

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? a drummer
#9
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

This "Stupid Interval Bar Copypasta" is the one he referenced in the beginning of the topic.

Last edited by Sean0913 at Oct 13, 2014,
#10
Quote by theogonia777
A joke I made up:

A high school music theory teacher is explaining intervals to his class. He explains that each semitone has an equal spacing of 100 cents in between. He then plunks the C and G key on his piano and says that that interval is a perfect fifth, which consists of 700 cents. One of the students in the back is about to raise his hand to tell the teacher otherwise, but he decided that it was not worth throwing in his 1.96 cents.

What are some other music jokes you know besides that stupid intervals at a bar copypasta and fingering A minor?


this was pretty damn funny
i don't know why i feel so dry
#11
kristen ur joke is approved


how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
it is an impossibility cos everyone smart enough to do this stopped playing real instruments around the time lightbulbs were invented

hmu
Last edited by captainsnazz at Oct 13, 2014,
#13
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."

What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hey man, I just do sound."


How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.



Best,

Sean
Last edited by Sean0913 at Oct 13, 2014,
#15
What do you get if you play a country & western album backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your job back, your dog back ...

I told this to a hairdresser who said she liked C&W. She considered this for a minute or so, then said "I didn't know that". True.

cheers, Jerry
#16
What do you call a world without drones? A bagpipe dream.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#21
How many blues singers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and complain,
I said none lawd, they just sit in the dark and complain,
"Light bulb you better change yo'self or I'm leavin' on that midnight train"
#22
still giggling at the joke in the original post
i don't know why i feel so dry
#23
if you giggle too hard about perfect fifth jokes

you might laugh yourself into a a pythagorean coma
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#24
I hear that Charlie Parker was fluent in pidgin English.

Nna, Charlie Parker dey play saxophone good be big abi.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#26
How many vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but they don't screw it, they wait for the world to revolve around them.
"There are two styles of music. Good music and bad music." -Duke Ellington

"If you really think about it, the guitar is a pointless instrument." - Robert Fripp
#29
Quote by jazz_rock_feel
Um


Um?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#31
Quote by jazz_rock_feel
Um!


Um.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#33
Um11b9 - LMadd13 - Pm7b5 - V7
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#36
Better than having poison G - D7.

Or was that poison C?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
Last edited by theogonia777 at Apr 26, 2015,
#39
How do you get two saxophones to play in unison?
Shoot one of them.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor
~Vince~
Fender MIM Telecaster ('06) [Modded]
PRS S2 Custom 24 ('13) [Modded]
Squier Affinity Fat Strat [Modded]
Yamaha F310

Mesa/Boogie Lonestar 1x12 Combo
Mesa/Boogie Mark V:25

SD Vapor Trail
Xotic SL Drive
Xotic BB Preamp
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MXR 10-Band EQ
#40
Buddy Rich was a legend and one of all time greatest drummers. He was also known as one the music worlds meanest band leaders. He reportedly would literally fire people on stage in the middle of a show. One of the legendary tales supposedly occurred when a horn player in his band missed his cue to come in on a solo. After the song was over Buddy said to audience "One of our horn players apparently can't count to four but I hope he can count to two because that's how many weeks he has left to play in this band." That was his official two weeks notice.

Now a joke about Buddy:
One day a former horn player with Buddy's band heard a report that Buddy had passed away. He got on phone and called Buddy's house and his wife answered.
"Can I speak to Buddy?" he asked.
"I'm sorry" she said, "Buddy passed away yesterday" and hung up.
Everyday for next week as soon as he woke up he called the same number and asked the same question. Finally Buddy's wife recognized that it was the same person calling each day and said "Why do you call every morning and ask for Buddy when I have repeatedly told you Buddy passed away?"
"Because just hearing that each morning is a great way to start my day."
Yes I am guitarded also, nice to meet you.
Last edited by Rickholly74 at Apr 30, 2015,
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