#1
I've been writing a whole lot lately, just finished a new tune yesterday...I'm not too incredibly proud of this one, but it is what it is...


"The End is Near"

I'm from the church of what's happening now
I gotta know what's up with what's goin' down
Any day now we're gonna explode
Won't somebody help us lighten the load?

We gotta be the change we wanna see
Quit sellin' things that were meant to be free
Everybody wants to do what's right
Nobody has the time to put up a fight

With the way things are going lately
I can't believe a single word
On the news or in the air
I only see what somebody heard
With the way things are going lately
I think they try to make us live in fear
Every other day something's wrong
I'm pretty sure that the end is near

Things are spiraling outta control
Don't pay no mind, that's just how we roll
Take a number, stand in line
Don't ask questions and we'll get along fine

Every year there's another disease
Some people just do as they please
Without a sense of what's right and what's wrong
I can't do much else but sing along

With the way things are going lately
I can't believe a single word
On the news or in the air
I only see what somebody heard
With the way things are going lately
I think they try to make us live in fear
Every other day something's wrong
I'm pretty sure that the end is near...
#2
Nice piece, and the message resonates with yours truly.

I like lines 1 and 2 and lines 5 and 6, and the "things are spiraling...get along fine" stanza has a nice flow and a good meaning. I also like the doubtful "I'm pretty sure the end is near..."

If you develop the text in a bit more storylike manner (in verse 1, A happens, in verse 2, B happens, leading to the idea in the chorus, verses 3 and 4 put the chorus in a new light, etc. - instead of listing things that are wrong in no particular order) you'll see that the stanzas will feel more internally congruent.
As a very basic example, say you'd write one stanza about the environment, one about capitalism, one about the media, etc.
You can then balance out the main theme "the end is near" with a stronger line near the end, a change of meaning or direction or something that turns around the general feel. You could close it off with a very simple change like "And now I know the end is near". You could even put a variation in there halfway that goes "Can't you see the end is near?" This keeps every new chorus fresh.

Some rhymes feel a bit forced, I must say; as if you simply needed a word. With right/fight, disease/please and explode/load one of the two lines feels meaningful, while the other feels like just filling up space. If you're going for a rewrite, consider changing the rhymescheme from AABB to ABAB or such tricks - it might make it easier to find rhymes that feel 'right'. A rhyming dictionary helps, too, or a thesaurus to find synonyms for words you can't find the right rhyme for.

Lastly, consider positioning: the first and last lines of a stanza have the most impact, so they should carry the most important meaning. Likewise, the last word of a single line rings through most (partially because of the rhyming). Play with that to make your lyrics really stick with people.

Nice work, and keep fighting the good fight
Last edited by Philip Xander at Oct 14, 2014,