#1
I thought we saw the ocean
Flooding feet of ours.
You can feel it, but it's not an emotion.
It's like you watch, but don't toutch the stars.
Further we'd go there with not even walking,
Than with our legs stuck in the ground...
I know you don't want to, but I can keep talking
About the treasure that we have just found.
Last edited by Mrrula at Oct 17, 2014,
#2
i think the imagery is quite powerful, im really getting a sense of the picture you're trying to paint with your words. i dont really know what melody you intend to sing this with, but i can see a 1-2-1-2 rhyme pattern here. the last line perhaps, maybe should rhyme with walking to convey a sense of finality to the verse before it progresses. Or, you can try swapping "just found" with "here found" so that it fits better with "the ground", sound-wise. again, very beautiful stuff. i like it loads. let us know if you record this or write a song.
#3
Some friends were hoping their second child would be a girl, and they even had a name picked out. The ultrasound didn't reveal the baby's sex, though, and since the expectant father had orders from the Navy to ship out before the due date, he told his wife, "We'd better pick out a boy's name, just in case." But when it was time for him to report for duty, they still hadn't decided. At sea a few weeks later, he got notification that his son, Justin Kase, had been born.