#1
along the path is fungus and this one
is pink on its undergills and another
is so perfectly formed that i know
god is quite proud of it and in the water
are stones rounded by the moon
that glitter and have colors
i knew not stones had and the ocean
transforms.

in the garden we are breathless like
bioluminescence and mushrooms have grown
from our eyes and i see now and i have undertaken
the journey.

and i felt the trees falling unto me like ashes
and i saw the fairies disguised as insects as they dipped
in and out of the ropes tying the earth to the sun
and in stones i see the universe and in water i see myself
and i walk among dancers and soon i too
begin to dance.
kill all humans
#2
goddamn, i love this. the pacing and phrasing are immaculate, plus the arc of the whole thing is so well crafted. my only gripe is "have colors / i knew not stones had". the wording of that line is awkward compared to the nearly stream-of-consciousness feel of the rest of the piece.

i'm so glad to be reading you again. i love it. thanks for posting.
#3
you are breathing and now your poetry is breathing
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#4
Ending lines in irrational places is fashionable and cool, and it's even better for me because I like to take lines and read them by themselves. You have a couple good ones that sit by themselves and have an attitude. They're dense.

"I knew not stones had and the ocean", just sings kind of

"and I walk among the dancers and soon I too" in particular is just nice. Do you even need the last line to make that mean what it means? Obviously in normal english you do, but with the contrast between your walking and their dancing, "I too" shows that transition so breathlessly.

Thumbs up. Shrooms are fun and so was this.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#5
<3 fab
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching