#1
Hello, UG. Here's a song that we wrote a long time ago but I just recently finished tabbing out to a degree which I would consider pretty close to what we all play. As usual there is no bass parts because still no bass player but

The vocalist (not going to say singer because everything you see here is screamed/growled) and I spent a lot of time on the lyrics and we are very proud of how they came out, as well as the song as a whole. You can read the lyrics via f5 or along track 1 which includes a close approximation of the rhythm.

I know that most here are tired of genre-centric stuff (and especially anything core) we hope this song doesn't follow any specific formula or genre too closely. Regardless, after playing together for years we have established "our sound" and this is a good representation of it- nothing too wild (chorus is a simple but catchy and layered riff) but still pushes out sometimes (wacky synth part in verse 2, chug metal main guitar riff, crazy drum fills). Something familiar yet new, hopefully. The song is obviously done so I won't be changing much, but would definitely like some input on the experience from a listener's perspective that has never heard it. What does the song remind you of or make you feel like? Anything stand out in particular? What do you like least??

I will check back soon and make every effort to review your own stuff if you link it. If you want to drop a comment thats nice, but if you are willing to do a full review I will be sure to return the same, thank you
Attachments:
7. Phantom.gp5
Last edited by ~Flounder~ at Nov 10, 2014,
#2
Thanks for the crit! I would have liked to write more considering how detailed your crit was, but it's a little less expansive.

It sounds pretty awesome, first of all! It's rather straightforward so I won't say it visits "unknown areas" too much, but that's also why it has catchiness that's easy to comprehend. I see that you did write bass parts over most sections, but you muted it. Do you want to change it or do you just wait until it's complete?

My main issue is with the harmony at 14 which repeats at several different points. The main problem is with the synth at this bar, because I feel it clashes too much with the guitars, but I also think that ending the guitar line chromatically with 6-5-4 would sound nicer. It's your call, though.

The verse is cool; again, it does feel somewhat generic but it's still good. I still think though that perhaps using some (tasteful) time signature changes or making an unorthodox rhythm in the drumming (more breakes and accentuation of off-beats) would make it stand out more; but if it's not the sound you're looking for it's fine.

The chorus is really great, very catchy, but I thought of doing the descending at the end of the riff differently. I added a GP file with my suggestion. You are welcome to use it if you want. I also suggest to possibly lower the tempo a bit for the chorus as it would make it stand out as more "emotional" like it seems to be trying to be to me.

The "Synthy Stuff" part is awesome! I love these kind of dynamics. The part continuing it is also great.

The "Heavy" should use a different harmony, in my opinion, as after the "Break" part ends I liked it to change the feel and harmonic center but it basically used the same stuff from the break.

The rest which closes the piece is good (basically reintroducing the opening section). I actually liked how it sounds like some 8bit video-game line in the final bar!

Also, a small introduction other than the drum-fill should work better in my opinion.
Attachments:
ChorusSuggestion.gp5
Last edited by TLGuitar at Nov 11, 2014,