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#1
so basically being poor makes me hard and i need y'all to tell me how to make coffee without a stove. and none of that espresso shit either we're talkin black turkish coffee here

i know making a fire or using a bunsen burner is the next best thing but i need a proper ghetto way to do it because reasons

like my friend told me that you can do it by wrapping some wires around a spoon and sticking the other two ends in a mains socket, thus causing the spoon heating up due to resistance but i think i dont need to explain why i dont wanna do that

here's a pic of some coffee and a cezve to keep you motivated

#7
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Buy a kettle.




This is my džezva. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my džezva is useless. Without my džezva, I am useless.
#8
Quote by JamSessionFreak


This is my džezva. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my džezva is useless. Without my džezva, I am useless.

So you only want pretentious coffee?

Get rich.
#9
Quote by slapsymcdougal
So you only want pretentious coffee?

Get rich.

turkish coffee is the default coffee here m8. it's easier to make and easier to get - when you're visiting anyone and ask for coffee most people will make you a turkish one

and then i can tell americunts on the internet i like it better than espresso and i get to be called pretentious because murcan culture is obviously absolute, global and objectively correct

#11
Quote by JamSessionFreak
turkish coffee is the default coffee here m8. it's easier to make and easier to get - when you're visiting anyone and ask for coffee most people will make you a turkish one

and then i can tell americunts on the internet i like it better than espresso and i get to be called pretentious because murcan culture is obviously absolute, global and objectively correct

Good for you.
I'm not American
#12
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Good for you.

Thank you friend.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm not American

That kinda makes it worse.

Now please tell me a ghetto way to make coffee without burning down whatever is around me. It is crucial for my survival during december.

Quote by steve_muse
ps Starbucks isn't that gd

i haven't tried it yet but it's too expensive for me. i thought about trying it a few times but i dont even know where i could find it in these parts



i heard they make good coffee if you're into drinking it sweet tho
Last edited by JamSessionFreak at Nov 14, 2014,
#13
There's an unlimited supply of Keurig in the office and I'm drinking it right now. Coffee's ok.
#17
take ur computer apart and take off the cpu cooler place glass of water on cpu and run prime 95
#18
Quote by MinterMan22
drink the mud at the bottom & tell me what happens :1

i actually have a friend that drinks that as well but she's kinda weird. i myself recoil in horror when i accidentally drink some of it

Quote by vintage x metal
do you have a microwave?

nope

Quote by So-Cal
take ur computer apart and take off the cpu cooler place glass of water on cpu and run prime 95

now we're talkin'
#20
Quote by archangels
What's so bad about espresso?

honestly, nothing. but i'd recommend trying turkish sometime
#22
grind up the beans.

put the beans in some water and add a bit of baking soda

microwave for a bit. stir a bunch. repeat x3

let it cool to room temperature then filter it. keep the liquid, throw the rest in the garden.

add dichloromethane to the bean-water. stir a bunch. there should be two layers now. pour off the top layer completely (you'll have to sacrifice some of the bottom layer)

pour the bottom layer into a glass tray. set it outside in the sun and let the stinky liquid evaporate off. a white power will be left over. collect it and store it in a warm, dry place.

you now have reasonably pure caffeine. add it to something that tastes better than coffee.

#23
Coffee is awesome and I'm not addicted to it. I could stop drinking anytime I want to, but for now I want to keep drinking my numerous cups of coffee even though the coffee at my office is shit
#25
Quote by Eastwinn
grind up the beans.

put the beans in some water and add a bit of baking soda

microwave for a bit. stir a bunch. repeat x3

let it cool to room temperature then filter it. keep the liquid, throw the rest in the garden.

add dichloromethane to the bean-water. stir a bunch. there should be two layers now. pour off the top layer completely (you'll have to sacrifice some of the bottom layer)

pour the bottom layer into a glass tray. set it outside in the sun and let the stinky liquid evaporate off. a white power will be left over. collect it and store it in a warm, dry place.

you now have reasonably pure caffeine. add it to something that tastes better than coffee.


i was hoping for cocaine but i guess this will have to do
#27
Quote by Eastwinn

you now have reasonably pure caffeine. add it to something that tastes better than coffee.


Can't you just buy caffeine pills at Walmart for like, a couple cents per pill?
#28
Quote by archangels
Can't you just buy caffeine pills at Walmart for like, a couple cents per pill?


yes but

where is the fun in that
#29
Quote by JamSessionFreak
Thank you friend.

That kinda makes it worse.

Now please tell me a ghetto way to make coffee without burning down whatever is around me. It is crucial for my survival during december.


i haven't tried it yet but it's too expensive for me. i thought about trying it a few times but i dont even know where i could find it in these parts



i heard they make good coffee if you're into drinking it sweet tho

All coffee is pretentious. Even instant.
#30
Quote by Eastwinn
grind up the beans.

put the beans in some water and add a bit of baking soda

microwave for a bit. stir a bunch. repeat x3

let it cool to room temperature then filter it. keep the liquid, throw the rest in the garden.

add dichloromethane to the bean-water. stir a bunch. there should be two layers now. pour off the top layer completely (you'll have to sacrifice some of the bottom layer)

pour the bottom layer into a glass tray. set it outside in the sun and let the stinky liquid evaporate off. a white power will be left over. collect it and store it in a warm, dry place.

you now have reasonably pure caffeine. add it to something that tastes better than coffee.


omg you are THE WORST
#32
Quote by JamSessionFreak
i actually have a friend that drinks that as well but she's kinda weird. i myself recoil in horror when i accidentally drink some of it




whenever I have a turkish coffee at a restaurant or mate's house, I drink half of the mud. kinda a ritual thing that spawned out of curiosity.
#35
Quote by Eastwinn
grind up the beans.

put the beans in some water and add a bit of baking soda

microwave for a bit. stir a bunch. repeat x3

let it cool to room temperature then filter it. keep the liquid, throw the rest in the garden.

add dichloromethane to the bean-water. stir a bunch. there should be two layers now. pour off the top layer completely (you'll have to sacrifice some of the bottom layer)

pour the bottom layer into a glass tray. set it outside in the sun and let the stinky liquid evaporate off. a white power will be left over. collect it and store it in a warm, dry place.

you now have reasonably pure caffeine. add it to something that tastes better than coffee.


I like this advice, as most liquids I've tasted taste better than coffee! I don't have a warm, dry place though, and sun is right out of the question.
#36
Quote by guitarxo
Just eat the beans on their own

This, upside-down iron or easty's pseudocoke could actualy work. Will the beans get me as hyped as legit coffe tho?
#37
My ethnocentrism is showing, because I've been wondering why you can't just go out and buy a coffee. Where I live, you can spit in any direction and there's a 95% chance that you landed on a business that sells coffee.
#38
Quote by chrismendiola
My ethnocentrism is showing, because I've been wondering why you can't just go out and buy a coffee. Where I live, you can spit in any direction and there's a 95% chance that you landed on a business that sells coffee.

Don't question me boi. The greater purpose of this info is not for mortal ears. Bitch.
#39
Quote by JamSessionFreak
Don't question me boi. The greater purpose of this info is not for mortal ears. Bitch.



#Only90sKids #ActuallyOnlyAmerican90sKidsWhoHadAccessToCableTelevision

RT IF U MISS DRAKE + JOSH!!
#40
Just go to a friend's place, or a neighbor's. The best way to do it is with fire. Get a cover for your dzezva (called rakweh over here) so that it doesn't lose heat.
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