#1
A close friend of mine is currently in hospital being treated for bowel cancer at 23 years old. He is not due the operation to remove the tumor in his bowel for the next 3 weeks because his body is too withered (due to a lack of being able to absorb nutrients) to survive the operation if they did it now.

But just last week, he attempted to kill himself by secretly removing the device that feeds antibiotics intravenously into his bloodstream to fight infection and by the time nurses noticed, he was barely alive. He's currently having to deal with a terrible infection in his bowel because of it. He's so delirious from the morphine he's taken that he's warned that my friend (who was also visiting) and I was going to be murdered soon. And that he is responsible for killing a person who recently died on the same ward as him, when actually he died from natural causes.

It was devastating to see my friend like that. I wept beside him pretty hard.

My parents are aware of my friend's condition, and they are desperate to know any information they can about it. But there's a problem with that. And it's that his condition deteriorated because it was a suicide attempt.

Knowing my parents as the bigots they are, I fear that my giving them the news that the deterioration to his health was his own doing, is going to cause them to turn their backs on him. So I'm heavily divided on whether or not I should tell them the truth about the real nature of his condition, or to lie about it if questions arise, to protect his feelings.

I've chosen to protect his feelings, but I don't know if what I've done was the right thing.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Nov 24, 2014,
#2
What do you have to say anything to your parents? **** them.
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#3
My response regarding telling others about the business of other people is that I won't say anything out of respect of that person's privacy.
#4
Quote by Neo Evil11
What do you have to say anything to your parents? **** them.

My mum is on good terms with my friend. She is very sympathetic towards his situation and I feel as though her compassion gives her the right to know the truth.
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#5
She doesn't have the right if she is going to abuse it.
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#6
"He is having complications and is in pretty bad shape" Need to know basis only and if they ask, you don't know the details. He is entitled to his privacy.
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#7
Tell them nothing, cancer sucks.

I've heard horror stories of people doing way worse due to the pain of cancer.

Tell a half-truth, that the infection got worse, or antibiotics didn't take too fast.
#8
Quote by Neo Evil11
She doesn't have the right if she is going to abuse it.

I guess that's the way to rationalise it.
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"He is having complications and is in pretty bad shape" Need to know basis only and if they ask, you don't know the details. He is entitled to his privacy.

I've only told them what they need to know, but they tend to be very curious about this sort of thing and so they ask a lot of probing questions. I tell them 'I don't know' if I don't feel it's appropriate.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Nov 24, 2014,
#9
If you think they're going to be awful about it just tell them the infection got worse. They don't have to know how it got worse.
#10
Ow man that sucks. I don't really have any advice to give, I'm afraid.
Last edited by ultimate-slash at Nov 24, 2014,
#11
You did the right thing and I think everyone would agree with that.
Your parents don't have to know everything and you can rest assured that they don't tell you everything.
The most important thing right now is to be there for your friend and his family, nobody needs to know the details of what happened.
keeping it between you and your friend shows you respect him and in the end that's what good friendship is about.
#13
First of all

Second of all, you really shouldn't have to suffer this turd-frosting on the shit-cake, so

Anyhows.

I would preferably recommend being committedly honest to your parents. Even if they're horrible bigots, isn't it possible that they can be less insensitive if you contextualize his actions? Not just "he removed his tubes", but "as you know, he's been in a terrible place and post-borderline delusional, and because of this he tried to remove his lifesustaining-equipment. Now, frankly when I tell you this, I worry that you'll abandon him for bullshit reasons, which would be the absolute worst thing to do right now. He needs support more than ever right now, and if you turn your back to him due to this I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to forgive you".

However, I don't have your understanding of your parents, obviously, so it's up to you to deem what is the best course of action. Your friend is the one who needs your support the most right now, and if your parents are gonna jeopardize that, then fuck them. If you feel lying to your parents is the best thing to do, the "I don't know" will probably be the best option. Among not recommended alternatives is telling something technically true about the cause that doesn't reveal his agency. Something like "His body didn't respond well enough to the antibiotics". Will bite you in the ass later, though.

Also remember that your parents aren't entitled to you telling them everything they ask of you. If you feel uncomfortable discussing your friend's condition, why not just tell them that?



Edit: Last paragraph is the most important here, the fourth one only relevant if you feel forced to say something. You're parents really, really don't need to know everything just because they want to.
Last edited by lncognito at Nov 24, 2014,
#16
Quote by lncognito
First of all

Second of all, you really shouldn't have to suffer this turd-frosting on the shit-cake, so

Anyhows.

I would preferably recommend being committedly honest to your parents. Even if they're horrible bigots, isn't it possible that they can be less insensitive if you contextualize his actions? Not just "he removed his tubes", but "as you know, he's been in a terrible place and post-borderline delusional, and because of this he tried to remove his lifesustaining-equipment. Now, frankly when I tell you this, I worry that you'll abandon him for bullshit reasons, which would be the absolute worst thing to do right now. He needs support more than ever right now, and if you turn your back to him due to this I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to forgive you".

However, I don't have your understanding of your parents, obviously, so it's up to you to deem what is the best course of action. Your friend is the one who needs your support the most right now, and if your parents are gonna jeopardize that, then fuck them. If you feel lying to your parents is the best thing to do, the "I don't know" will probably be the best option. Among not recommended alternatives is telling something technically true about the cause that doesn't reveal his agency. Something like "His body didn't respond well enough to the antibiotics". Will bite you in the ass later, though.

Also remember that your parents aren't entitled to you telling them everything they ask of you. If you feel uncomfortable discussing your friend's condition, why not just tell them that?


Thank you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Omae wa mou
Shindeiru



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#17
Sorry to hear that TS, stay strong and stuff.

Anyway, I'd tell my parents the truth and **** their reaction.

From what I'm getting, your friend's not really in the condition to care anymore about what your parents think about him, and lying to bigots about such stuff really doesn't help anybody if you ask me.

Unless you really care for said bigots, though I wouldn't know 'cause I don't have that nice of a relationship with my parents.
It's really not bad, though **** their reactions, and I'd tell them that 'cause I'm a stubborn asshole other than 'cause I wouldn't want them not to know such thing.
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#18
I've told bigger lies to my parents over much more trivial things.

I know that doesn't sound like advice at all (and in fact sounds like something a 13 year old would say when he wants to sound like a badass), but sometimes people really, really want to tell their parents things just to get it off their chest when really your parents don't need to know and telling them won't help the situation.

Good luck, man. Whatever you decide to do, it probably won't be easy.
#19
yeah don't worry about them
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#20
Sometimes parents just aren't trustworthy enough to provide an unconditional support system. These are likely the overly critical, insecure type.

They absolutely don't have to know eveeverything about your friend's condition. Think of it like talking to a child: there's the stuff they'll need to know, and there's the stuff you leave out.
#21
Just tell them that his condition has gotten worse. Don't say why, just say the doctors are fighting hard to help him.
#22
you don't tell anybody about someone's suicide attempt if you can help it
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#24
People do shit when they're on drugs that they wouldn't normally do. Your parents probably understand this as well unless they're really as bad as you make them out. His medical information should also be confidential and not something you go around talking to other people about. If he wants to share it he can tell who he wants. So you shouldn't feel bad about not telling your parents.
#25
man i have a picc line in my chest right now as a result of an ongoing infection and hospitalization myself and reading that makes me feel way too uncomfortable and aware that there is a plastic tube in my heart right now

also if he is doing and saying all this stuff while on morphine then you should try to talk to him or his doctors to get him on a non opiate pain med if you can, they make you hallucinate and do and say weird stuff.
Last edited by Dirge Humani at Nov 24, 2014,
#26
Do the most grown up thing here, and don't tell them shit.

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#27
Quote by xxdarrenxx
Do the most grown up thing here, and don't tell them shit.

How is this the "most grown up" thing? Clearly, his parents either know of or know personally the friend in question. If for no other reason, they're concerned about said friend because of the impact said friend's illness is having on TS. Telling them nothing is acting like a spoiled fucking 13 year old who thinks stuffing his problems and yelling, "You don't understand" is mature.
#28
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
How is this the "most grown up" thing? Clearly, his parents either know of or know personally the friend in question. If for no other reason, they're concerned about said friend because of the impact said friend's illness is having on TS. Telling them nothing is acting like a spoiled fucking 13 year old who thinks stuffing his problems and yelling, "You don't understand" is mature.



I find your view in this too idealistic. Would you call your boss a gigantic asshole dickhead if he is? Most likely not, because you want to keep your job. This is technically just the same as a lie.

You might have a very good motive, but TS thinks he has a good motive as well.

What I meant with the 'most adult thing' is that TS should do what he thinks is best, but has to carry the consequences. This is what being grown up really means. Listening to what all the "grown ups" here tell him shifts him in kid position by default. What he choses is key.

Tldr;

Just taking advice from a random person here is the most kid thing to do.

Him choosing for himself and carry the consequence is the real adult thing.

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Last edited by xxdarrenxx at Nov 28, 2014,