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#1
Was talking with a friend earlier about proposals and stuff. She asked what I thought about asking the father of the girl you are proposing to for his daughters hand in marriage, like whether I would do it. To a lot of people it seems really romantic and shit and is a bit of a tradition.

I don't think I would. It should be the woman's decision and she should be the first to know your intentions of actually proposing. I mean if you asked her father and he said "No" what would you do? I dunno just seems like you should take it to your partner first instead of involving everyone else. But yeah I can see why some people would find it romantic and respectful.

Your thoughts and shit, do any married people have experience of what happened when they proposed?

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#5
Quote by Godsmack_IV
it's a relic of when women were treated as the property of men and it's sexist. don't marry someone who thinks it's 'romantic'.





I love UG.
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#6
If someone proposed to me, I would hope that they wouldn't ask my father. I would hope that they had enough respect for me to ask first me first.
"Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it'll always get you the right ones."
#7
itt: rapture tries to pretend that he isn't sexist
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#9
Quote by theogonia777
itt: rapture tries to pretend that he isn't sexist


I personally would ask the father to sign a contract signing over his daughters rights and possessions to me. It is the only way.

Quote by homeless-john
Rapture, if this turns into another bloody thread about feminism I will track you down.


Chill, it's a thread about romance and relationships No one ruin it please.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#10
it is sexist and it plays into the patriarchal power model where girls are seen as property of the father and seeing as all property is theft the father should be punished accordingly
#11
Quote by EndTheRapture51
I personally would ask the father to sign a contract signing over his daughters rights and possessions to me. It is the only way.


Would you also check your spreadsheet and make him pay you back for all of the meals and things you paid for?
#12
Quote by UltimateGuizar
She asked me.
That whole asking the father thing is very old fashioned. Do people still do that?


Yea, my cousin did it earlier this year. He's from a pretty traditional family tho

I don't mind it and wouldn't mind doing it. I see it as a thing you do out of respect cos you're gunna officially be family and stuff. But I wouldn't care if it came to a halt, traditional stuff is icky
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He made them an offer they couldn't understand.
Last edited by steve_muse at Nov 28, 2014,
#13
Quote by SMH07
Would you also check your spreadsheet and make him pay you back for all of the meals and things you paid for?


like rapture would ever pay for a girl
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#14
Quote by steve_muse
Yea, my cousin did it earlier this year. He's from a pretty traditional family tho

I don't mind it and wouldn't mind doing it. I see it as a thing you do out of respect cos you're gunna officially be family and stuff. But I wouldn't care if it came to a halt, traditional stuff is icky



Yeah, that doesn't happen over here.
But I honestly doubt the lad actually asks the father before the girlfriend. Surely the couple discuss it before they let the parents in on the scam?
#15
Quote by UltimateGuizar
Yeah, that doesn't happen over here.
But I honestly doubt the lad actually asks the father before the girlfriend. Surely the couple discuss it before they let the parents in on the scam?



yeah that's how it works.
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#17
Quote by UltimateGuizar
Well then it's all lies and bs, because he's already asked her before the father.
If I was the father I'd kick his ass for trying to lie to me.





People do it out of respect. If you wanna twist it around and make something out of nothing that's fine. I mean it's what you do in the pit.
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#19
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R



People do it out of respect. If you wanna twist it around and make something out of nothing that's fine. I mean it's what you do in the pit.


if it's simply out of respect then why doesn't it work the other way around too? for real, these are flimsy rationalizations just so you can cover up your rampant sexism.
#20
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R



People do it out of respect. If you wanna twist it around and make something out of nothing that's fine. I mean it's what you do in the pit.


there is absolutely no twisting required. even rapture can see it
i don't know why i feel so dry
#22
How do proposals even work, are they big massive romantic surprise gestures like in a film or is it like a conversation you have together like getting a car or moving to a new place?

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#23
Quote by Eastwinn
there is absolutely no twisting required. even rapture can see it


Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#24
Quote by EndTheRapture51
How do proposals even work, are they big massive romantic surprise gestures like in a film or is it like a conversation you have together like getting a car or moving to a new place?


It's usually a passionate heat of the moment right before shooting your load kind of thing, and then the hang over, oh man that hang over.
#25
I wouldn't ask a girls father for anything, except the beer in his fridge, because his 5 other daughters are annoying, and his house is boring.

I single handedly drank a 24 case at my last ex's fathers from boredom on christmas.

What happens if the father says no?
Last edited by stratkat at Nov 28, 2014,
#26
I don't know. I think maybe if I knew her father really well, I might discuss it with him. I wouldn't ask, though. Just talk about it.
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#28
Quote by EndTheRapture51
I don't think I would. It should be the woman's decision and she should be the first to know your intentions of actually proposing.

basically

supporting the tradition implies a lack of autonomy on the part of the woman, which is p gross

Quote by EndTheRapture51
How do proposals even work, are they big massive romantic surprise gestures like in a film or is it like a conversation you have together like getting a car or moving to a new place?
"darling, I want to get old and tired of you"
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#29
Quote by EndTheRapture51
How do proposals even work, are they big massive romantic surprise gestures like in a film or is it like a conversation you have together like getting a car or moving to a new place?

public proposals are kinda unfair since there's suddenly all this pressure to say yes even if you don't feel like you're ready to get married or w/e

#30
Quote by MinterMan22
public proposals are kinda unfair since there's suddenly all this pressure to say yes even if you don't feel like you're ready to get married or w/e



Oh man, some of those clips on the net where they say no!
I'd say those lads testicles retract every time they see themselves being shot down.
#32
I did this, but it was more of a talk with the father. My wife wanted me to do it, moreso out of tradition and respect than anything else.

Her parents love me and I knew that, but I was still pretty nervous. Luckily her dad is awesome, poured each of us some champagne, and we had a good time about it.

Quote by EndTheRapture51
How do proposals even work, are they big massive romantic surprise gestures like in a film or is it like a conversation you have together like getting a car or moving to a new place?


Everybody's situation is different, and so are the proposals. Whatever works best for the couple involved. My wife and I had to talk a lot about it beforehand, so it wasn't a surprise proposal or anything.

We had a courthouse wedding, because of various reasons. Even though I couldn't do it at the time, I regret not being able to give her a big, proper wedding. We'll do a nice big vow renewal at some point though.
My God, it's full of stars!
#33
Quote by Dreadnought
I did this, but it was more of a talk with the father. My wife wanted me to do it, moreso out of tradition and respect than anything else.

Her parents love me and I knew that, but I was still pretty nervous. Luckily her dad is awesome, poured each of us some champagne, and we had a good time about it.


this is basically how i'd want to do it! (maybe swap the champagne for scotch)

I've always envisioned my future father in law to basically be and older badassy-er version of myself in some ways
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Oh dear, current affairs...
#34
The only thing I'd ask the father would be advice on how to propose

Asking the father for permission to marry is old fashioned, it's up to the woman whether you get married or not.
I have nothing important to say
#35
It's really just proper marriage etiquette. You don't have to do it, but it looks better on you if you do.

Quote by EndTheRapture51
I mean if you asked her father and he said "No" what would you do?
Most of the time the follow up response is why not, then it's the man's job to try to fix that if he desperately seeks a healthy relationship with the father. Of course, if he can't then he'll just hate him forever or something.

Just like in those comedy movies you probably never saw.
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#36
If a guy would come up to me and asked me for the hand of my daughter I would give him 10 heroic tasks.
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#37
Ah so like in Meet The Parents starring Ben Stiller.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#38
Nah that's pretty dumb and lame. Maybe if we were all on good terms and they were cool parents I'd talk to them about it and everything for fun but it wouldn't be like "can I marry your daughter" and just to the dad that's sorta annoying and awful for obvious reasons idgaf whether you think i can or not
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#39
Asking the father is lame. Telling the father "Yo, I'm about to propose to your daughter" might be a good idea depending on the family relationship.