#1
queer memories -

an imagenary friend
forgets about you
and there is no one to tell.
you begin to
whisper tales
into the space
between the walls
where he lived.


the echoes
remain the same;
you say hello &
only hear
yourself
responding
back.


eventually, the words
(bouncing off the
brittle plaster)
layer into a mesh
of white noise -


inaudible,
locked away,
lost.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
You gave me a comment on this site a few years (!!!) ago which was "old friends are still always there; they were real and living during some part of your life," which seems appropriate to repeat here.

The pacing is simple but effective. I think you can feel the way the relationship diminishes. There's a privacy to the title, where it feels significant but not in a way I can know from the piece. I don't think the first line adds much. Also not sure that you need "back" in the second stanza. There's a couple nit-picky line break suggestions I have, like moving that ampersand down to the next line, and changing the parenthetical to (bouncing off/ the brittle plaster) but overall I'll still know what you mean.

(By the way, my weekdays will be much more open from December - January. Let me know if there's a good time to come down again.)
#4
thanks yall


The first line was a starting point for my thoughts, I think, and I've debating on whether not to take it out. I may take it out and make it the title of the piece, instead - let me know what you think of that plan.

I had originally not had the "back" and preferred how it sounded, but when I reread the stanza it made the image potentially ambiguous: if you hear yourself responding, it could be a new response, and I wanted to make it clear that I'm simply referring to the echo. I don't like the way "back" sounds though, still, so if you have any suggestions let me know.

I like nitpicky line break stuff so if you feel like it, I'd love to see a revised version with new line breaks you thought up. This one felt shakier than others.

I will have a lot of open time between the 18th of December and mid January (weird student life revisited.) I'm thinking of spending Christmas here in the burg and then visiting brothers/friends in NYC in early January so late December works really well for me and I'll let you know about January. A bunch of my friends moved in and they will quietly adore you (these were people I had hoped to introduce you to last time.)


Actually Erich I would love to talk to you before you come down because my thesis process is fvcking bonkers and there is a lot of new stuff to add to our previous conversations. I just started making short films and have been getting a lot of resources from the university and I would really love to do some work with you when you come down if you're up for it (maybe we can get Jimmy to join too if he seems interested, or just as good company.) So let's talk on the phone soon - I'll call you and if it's a bad time, just call me back when it's convenient.
miss you
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
something about the opening, the concept, it's wonderful. an imaginary friend forgets about you and then it's gone.
good stuff 9/10 keep posting good lyrics like this bro.

anyway,
i think i'm heading down to charlotte on the 18th or 19th then will be up in pittsburgh after that till the 30th or so. So depending on what you guys are looking at i could feasibly come down the 18th or something like that on the way to charlotte since it's very easily made to be en route. i assume erich would need a ride back before the 22nd (when i would be heading back north) so we might still have to ride separately in this scenario but figured i'd throw it out there. if you guys decide to meet before this period of time then i could maybe jump on too, but regardless do your thing and i'll see if i can tag along whenever you do it.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Dec 1, 2014,
#6
Mm well let's see... I have a lot of work to get done for the end of the semester so before the 18th is tough. I'll be in your hood on the 13th for a shindig at Lily's (you should come and if you are too busy to come then let's make sure we can at least exchange quick hellos and a hug) and this coming weekend I'll be busy with filming and I've got a theater performance so time is limited.

The 18th is perfect if it works for yall. I am more than happy to have you until the 22nd. It will be a nice treat for me at the end of this first semester. I have some friends sleeping on our errant mattress but we've got a couch and lots of room for sleeping bags (and if you fancy sleeping outside I've got a hammock and a porch couch, but only if it's your preference.)

I may be free before that too, the 18th is just the last day of exams. Jimmy can you text me? I got a new phone a while back and have few contacts saved. The 18th is a good tentative date for me but let's keep in touch
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
I just called December 18-22 out of work, so pending approval those dates should work for me. It'd be great to see both of you at once.

Jimmy, are you driving down? feel free to text/call me sometime about ride arrangements. I'm happy to chip in gas money if you are.

Saadia, let's definitely talk soon. This semester has been pretty crazy and I'd love to hear what you've been working on. I'm up for doing some short film work as well.
#10
your writing bring back a lot of my memories...just so touching...
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#11
ok i'll text you both. yeah erich, you could come down to charlottesville, leave your car at my place and then we go down together for the night, i leave the next day and then pick you up on the 22nd and take you back to your car to go the rest of the way north. that's one way it could look anyway.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#12
I give a crit! I really have a great affection for a work of a great, lovely.

I don't know why a do this song make so happy a the. Would compare a this to a this.

Just to see the original paper on which this was writing. I Swip.

THE!