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#1
Hey there. I noticed there were 'music critic' web video series (along the lines of That Guy With The Glasses and Angry Video Game Nerd) that dealt with specific music genres but none specifically focused on Metal, so I decided to create a series focusing explicitly on metal and its various subgenres. There's a contrast here with the harsh music and my character's more laidback, dry approach to humor, and touches of Beavis & Butt-head and Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Here's the first episode, talking about "Bland Street Bloom" by Sikth. Apologies to anyone who genuinely likes the song/band, but I genuinely found this to be irritating, even personally, from an out-of-character perspective. Enjoy. http://horndogs1.blogspot.com/2014/12/metal-critic-bland-street-bloom-by-sikth.html
Last edited by isaacbaranoff at Dec 4, 2014,
#3
probably full of cringe that I don't want to see
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#4
Cool, buuuuuttttt why not put it on youtube and so you can embed it into your post instead of making us copy-paste it into the url thingie box on top of my screen?

I'm too lazy.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#5
mercury is pretty cool. Krypton as well.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#8
Quote by mp8andrade
Please, UG is already filled with bots, go advertise somewhere else.


I read it.
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
#9
I'm not even a big metal fan but SiKth are probably better than you.

I guess you're just worse than most metalheads because you're even close minded to modern metal.

Tragic.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
Last edited by EndTheRapture51 at Dec 4, 2014,
#11
Quote by Baby Joel
mercury is pretty cool. Krypton as well.


Krypton's not a metal.
Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
#12
Quote by isaacbaranoff
but none specifically focused on Metal


umm... yeah there are?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#14
Why would you put it on Dailymotion? Why choose a band you hate as the first to do this on? Why don't you know that there's a shitton of people on Youtube that cover metal music? Why do you say "meal" when you mean "metal"?
#16
Dear OP,


The reason why you can't make a site that rates metal albums is actually a twofold one. Allow me to break down the dichotomy for you.

  • People will argue about if it's even Metal or not. Someone will always call it shitty metalcore and therefore not real metal, and your Dad's aged Iron Maiden purist won't accept anything that's got harsh vocals. Good luck.
  • Everyone thinks metal they don't listen to is shit. That's how the community works. Don't think it's true? Cruise the Metal forum.

It's pretty easy to understand after you hit the age of 16 or 17 and you grow out of metal at a normal pace with the rest of your peers. Unless, of course, you're one of those odd miscreants that never did. In that case, please, just don't hurt me, and I do want fries with that.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#18
Old guy doesn't get slightly less old music. No big deal here.

I say this because there's nothing in your video I'd call 'critique', its mostly 'I don't understand this part of song/video, insert bad joke/outdated reference'. Instead of saying IF you think its bad, say WHY or HOW its bad, and reinforce your opinion with comparisons.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#20
Quote by JustRooster
Dear OP,


The reason why you can't make a site that rates metal albums is actually a twofold one. Allow me to break down the dichotomy for you.

  • People will metal about if it's even Metal or not. Someone will always call it shitty metalcore and therefore not real metal, and your Dad's aged Iron Maiden purist won't accept anything that's got harsh vocals. Good luck.
  • Every metal thinks metal they don't metal to is metal. That's how the community works. Don't think it's true? Cruise the Metal forum.

It's pretty easy to understand after you hit the age of 16 or 17 and you grow out of metal at a normal pace with the rest of your peers. Unless, of course, you're one of those odd miscreants that never did. In that case, please, just don't hurt me, and I do want fries with that.

br00talized for you
this house is bitchin
#21
Quote by JustRooster
you grow out of metal at a normal pace with the rest of your peers. Unless, of course, you're one of those odd miscreants that never did.

You're an asshat.

Seriously, morons like yourself need to stop acting like everyone should "grow out of metal". Just because some people found it stopped resonating with them after a few years doesn't mean it's somehow immature to keep listening to metal after a certain age.

In that case, please, just don't hurt me, and I do want fries with that.

NO FRIES FOR YOU!
#22
Sam, no one really feels that way. We just say that because you metal guys get so ornery so easily over it.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#23
You're an asshat.

Seriously, morons like yourself need to stop acting like everyone should "grow out of metal". Just because some people found it stopped resonating with them after a few years doesn't mean it's somehow immature to keep listening to metal after a certain age.





This. There are old people who listen to metal. Even the guys who host that metal show listen to metal.
#24
Listening to metal is fine as long as you don't define your identity by it

That's so year 9

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#25
I think during the 80's had metal kids at malls and such with longhair,but it seems after the grunge thing happened and such, they all vanished. What happened to those metal kids from teh 80's?
#26
I can be a metal critic for you.


Yelp entry #43: [insert metal band here] 2/5 stars

Venue is too loud. The tasteless and grating guitar solos ruined my appetite despite a pretty tasty risotto starter. The pube-escent neckbeard sported by the balding frontman made me question whether my food was safe from contamination. Will not be coming back here again.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#27
Quote by Axelfox
I think during the 80's had metal kids at malls and such with longhair,but it seems after the grunge thing happened and such, they all vanished. What happened to those metal kids from teh 80's?

they're middle aged now
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#29
Quote by Xiaoxi
I can be a metal critic for you.


Yelp entry #43: [insert metal band here] 2/5 stars

Venue is too loud. The tasteless and grating guitar solos ruined my appetite despite a pretty tasty risotto starter. The pube-escent neckbeard sported by the balding frontman made me question whether my food was safe from contamination. Will not be coming back here again.


Immediately thought of Chuckles.
#30
I just watched it. Why does it look like you did the video in the dark, and so quietly? It's like you live with your parents and it's passed your bed time. The intro was too long, you had too many terrible analogies and bad jokes. You also need to work on your diction, it's not palatable at the moment.

2/10.

Sikth are awesome.

Don't let your boat be empty, don't be a sunken dream
Don't let the boat regret thee, for what you could have seen

#31
Quote by Blayney
it's not palatable at the moment.

Damn I should have worked that word into my Yelp.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#32
Quote by Xiaoxi
Damn I should have worked that word into my Yelp.


You can have it for future use fella.

Don't let your boat be empty, don't be a sunken dream
Don't let the boat regret thee, for what you could have seen

#33
Unless this 'Metal Critic' is Ian_The_Fox, it's not worth my bandwidth.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Omae wa mou
Shindeiru



Quote by Axelfox
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
#34
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
You're an asshat.

Seriously, morons like yourself need to stop acting like everyone should "grow out of metal". Just because some people found it stopped resonating with them after a few years doesn't mean it's somehow immature to keep listening to metal after a certain age.

oh yeah nothing immature about dragons and satan okay sure
banned
#35
I keep reading this threat title as Meta Critic and asking myself why I posted about metacritic.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#37
Quote by Thrashtastic15
metal sucks make better sounds

all that needs to be said here
#38
Quote by JustRooster
Sam, no one really feels that way. We just say that because you metal guys get so ornery so easily over it.

Eh, it's more fun this way. Also, it results in amusing stuff from Axel (sometimes).

Quote by deadsmileyface
oh yeah nothing immature about dragons and satan okay sure


Quit listening to bad quality power metal!
Last edited by crazysam23_Atax at Dec 4, 2014,
#39
Quote by Thrashtastic15
metal sucks make better sounds


Same can be said about disco,rap,dubstep and such.

One man's music, is another person's garbage.

You should respect other people's music choices.
Last edited by Axelfox at Dec 4, 2014,
#40
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
You're an asshat.

Seriously, morons like yourself need to stop acting like everyone should "grow out of metal". Just because some people found it stopped resonating with them after a few years doesn't mean it's somehow immature to keep listening to metal after a certain age.


no but it is immature to throw fits like that over nothing like that after a certain age
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
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