This song is predominately post-rock with no vocals apart from a couple of screamed lines in the blackgaze-ish section. It's a bit different for me cause I'm more prone to writing less subtle, more in-your-face stuff. It's a concept piece, though the concept not nearly as fleshed out as you might see in some of the songs that the more adept writers in this forum craft. The concept is of a depressed young man falling in love with a depressed girl, despite the relationship not necessarily being the best thing for either of them, and the twists and turns, both good and bad, that ensue. Certain noisy and clashing elements are supposed to represent arguments and discomfort. Heavily inspired by a failed relationship I experienced my senior year of high school. I had a ton of fun writing this song and I'd like to hear thoughts on the content as is and ideas about how it can improve.

UPDATE: Reworked a lot of instrumentation on all tracks. Still the same song, but a little better in my eyes.

P.S. I dunno how screwed the GP5 mix is, but GP5 users may have to dial back the Third Guitar and dial up the driven guitar.'
Last edited by Million Dead at Dec 10, 2015,
Hey, so first of all great track! I really like the atmospere, let me break it down and try and give a little crit:

I really like the melodies in the beggining. Sets the perfect mood for the song. Also, you did a really good job with the drum track - great fills. The part at bars 25-33 particularly is really really good.

I understand what you're going for at bar 77 - trying to make it feel chaotic. I don't really like what you do with the rest bars at 78 and 80. I feel like if you maybe had one guitar keep going with a melody while the other instruments stop it would maintain the feel of that part but give it a little more continuity. You could even just have one of the guitars giving feedback or drum fills. I just don't think the full stops work in that spot.

At bars 99-106 I would take the bass part from 107-110 and copy it into bars 103-106. I think thats just a small subtedly that'll help transition into the next part better.
I love it around 140. It gets really crazy but very well done.Love the little feedback parts at 168 and 170. The riff at 187 is really good. The part before it really helps build it up too.

Just personally I think the song would be better if you ended with that riff instead of going into the part at 204. You could take the:
B: :2-14-10
B :2-12-10-10
and just end it big like that. Not that the part at 204 isn't good. Just my preference.

Overall, its a really strong track. The critiques I made were pretty much just preference things. I really enjoyed the melodies in the beggining and around 140, and also the riff at the end. I really wish I could write post-rock type stuff like you!

Here's one I just posted. The GPX version would be better, you just gotta download it from the link I put.
Last edited by cdg3952 at Dec 7, 2014,
Thanks for the listen and the crit! I appreciate it! At 78 and 80 I agreed that the measures felt a tad empty, so I added a small bit of feedback on the last quarter note, but I still like the idea of the initial silence. And I prefer the feeling of everything joining in at once at 107. As far as the ending goes, the hardcore kid in me still loves heavy chugs and I wanted to end the song a darker, uncomfortable note.

I appreciate the compliments, too. I figured those little feedback parts at 168 and 170 would be cool. I actually got the idea from listening to abrasive grindy stuff like Nails, Trap Them, and certain Converge stuff. It worked out pretty neatly in a more melodic context. I'm definitely happy to critique your song, too.
Last edited by Million Dead at Dec 7, 2014,
Hey man, thank you again for critiquing my piece. I remember listening to this one before, but I've given it a few more listens. I'm gonna go through the song as I usually do, from beginning to end.

Let me first say that I'm not used to this particular genre. With that said, the more I listen to it, especially when I think about the concept from which it's based, the more it seems to resonate.

From the very beginning, there is a very "off" kind of feel to the song. The effect was likely given by the two chord vamp in which one of the chords has some pretty close intervals to create a healthy amount of dissonance. I like the bass work here, and I also like the drumming.

Given the context, I see it as the forming of a fragile and unstable relationship. The lead from around bars 22-23 to bar 26, definitely gives a foreboding preview into what will happen somewhere down the line. It's kind of strange in a way, the way the ending phrase repeats, it's almost as if it'll go on forever, even though you know it won't. It's almost like a strange twist on the typical love song.

But by bar 27, it seems like something's coming together--until bar 31, where things get a little tumultuous. And then by 37, you know that shit's about to get real. Bar 63 was an unexpected ray of sunshine, but by how quickly things changed up at bar 66--it's clear that the storm hasn't passed and probably never will. From 69 on 79, even more turmoil than before.

Bars 77 through 80 are interesting to me. It literally reminds me of a doctor with a defibrillator. That sounds really weird, but that's what it reminds me of. A doctor charging the paddles until he hears the beep (the harmonics). Then the doctor places the paddles on the chest and tries to jump start his patient's heart again (the chords).

At bar 83, I'm actually kind of terrified, tbh. I'm not sure whether it's simply the pace and dissonance or if it's also because of the context given.

Bars 91-96 have a nice groove, actually. I'm liking the harmonics on the bass at 94.

The break from 99-106 is pretty nice, and kinda chill. Forgiveness and making up? The next section sounds nice, but again--there's still that underlying unsteadiness (from the lead). Bar 115 makes it a bit more obvious.

Cool switch at bar 124. The section starting at 133 surprised me a bit. It was a bit more upbeat and "happy."

Bar 153 is urgent--I don't know what to make of it, but I'm expecting something bad. The harmonics at 168, 170, and 175 are chilling though.

For me, Bars 177-185 seems like a mutual realization that a romantic relationship probably won't work out. Bars 187 onward seem like the characters are moving on without each other and kind of just drift away. The very end is eerie. It's not quite a flat-line--as there's a pulse. It reminds me of nasty divorces/breakups where the exes hold onto a lot of resentment, but still have that small inkling of a feeling that maybe they could have or could still make things work.

This really isn't a genre that I'm used to listening to. I can tell that there was a ton of thought that went into this, and I feel that for the most part it was well-executed.

Not gonna lie though...by the end of the song, I kinda felt like I had just finished watching something like "Children of Men" on a particularly gloomy day.


TLDR: The feels though.....