#1
Lemme know what you guys think.

Et Daemon

Demon, you stood with me
You who took all from me
Who had taken away from me
Joy, Peace, and Family.

When I sought the savior, Christ
Begging for strength, praying for a sign
Asking always that I could simply smile
You engulfed his cross in fire
You cast my bridges in rust
Yours replaced the face of sunrise
As You lay waste to my soul, turned it to dust.

Sleepless Nights
Brought Dreams of Suicide
How Long Could I Fall
Before I’d lost it all?

You said “Come with me
Why fight this disease?
Just Take My Hand And
Let Me Set You Free.”

You laughed, “Where’s your God now?
He’s long been dead, can’t you see?
Can’t you see now nothing can save you?
It’s just you and me!”


So to you I did reach,
“Please, friend, save me
I can’t do this alone,
I’m Lost, can’t find my home –”
Can’t you hear me?
I know you’re out there
But no, I know because
You never really were there.

Feel this flesh split
As this blade runs
Feel this frozen steel
Tear through these veins

Feel this warm blood
Take with it this pain and
Watch this dark veil
Of night shield my eyes.

Yet I cried out in suicide,
“Please, Save me
I can’t do this anymore
I’m so lost, don’t remember my home”

Why can’t you hear me?
Why aren’t you here?
Why must you stand watch
While I lay, dying?


How Much farther
Can I run?
How much higher
Can I reach?

Demon, are you
All that remains?
Is it you and me now?
Just you and me now?

So I’ll stay here with you
My Demon, dear friend
We’ll die together
Both burn in the end.

You’ve taken my life and
You’ve slowly killed me
Now I’m going under and
You’re coming with me

We’ll burn both together
We both know it’s true
Let me do this, now
This blade will cut right through….


Wait, there is light
To the east behold sunrise
The Day comes now, the night flees now!
Someone is out there, somebody is out there

And I cried, dying,
Can you help me? I can’t be alone
I’ve been lost for so long; this
Heart has no home; won’t
You help me, just help me find
Myself, I’ll always be yours, just
Help me climb out.

Lover, you stood with me
You who had come to me
You who had taken from me
The blade upon my throat

You said, “Come with me, Don’t
You dare give up now
Just take my hand and we’ll
Find our way home.”

Sleepless nights now
Bring dreams of you
Here, by my side

Love, how long would you let
Me call you mine
Tell me, how long could I
Hold your heart next to mine?

You said “Let me help you find
What’s been lost so long, and
I ask only that you
Help me find mine too”

You promised you’d be mine
As long as I’d have you
Here by my side, hand in
Hand you would remain.

I’ll go forth with you, my love
For you, I will struggle on
For you, I will give my life
For you, I will survive

And I ask, now
What would I do and where would I be
Had I not found your love?
Would I have found this place
Had I never known your face?
Would joy have found my life
Without the warmth in your eyes?

My sweet, you'll never learn
The Love I hold for you
The long years I did suffer
To find someone like you.

Lovely, I say now, two years hence

Though not hand in hand we
Go forth side by side
Though separately we now fly, wait
And see as together we’ll land

We will go through this life soon
Hand in hand, side by side
My sweet, My Darling, I’ll love you
‘til it comes to be my time.
#3
Well, how does this song make you feel? What message are you trying to convey?

Are you feeling uneasy? unstable? disjointed? Maybe you should include more dissonant chords to convey that. Use more imperfect cadences.

Happy? stable? Maybe more resolution and stable chords.

I think it'd help if you came up with a melody. Just try singing the lyrics. Play around with it until you get something you like and then build chords around it.

I already notice (having only read a few lines) a lot of stable couplets mixed with mostly stable rhymes (Parallel, perfect, and family). I'd figure out how you want to sing those. Go through and figure out how many stresses are in each line. That can help you make some decisions too.

The general rule when writing a song, or making any art for that matter, is to have everything become a part of the "big picture".

So, I'm seeing lots of stability in the lyrics. Does that match up with how you feel? If not (and judging by the tone of what I did read, I'm thinking not), it might be wiser to change some of the lyrics to match that. Try changing some of the lines to assonance or consonance rhymes (assonance = vowel sound matches but consonant after and sound before doesn't. Consonance is when they don't rhyme at all) to convey that. Use some more dissonant and not so run-of-the-mill chords mixed with stable chords. Maybe throw it in a minor key with modulations to major where appropriate.

Plan the whole thing out. If there's a relief in the tone (i.e. gets happier), try changing to a different key or using a happier scale (lydian scale maybe?) for that part. If it's getting real dark, maybe work out of the phrygian or melodic minor scale. The more deliberate you go, the more whatever kind of message you're trying to convey here is going to shine through. Even just breaking it up into sections and writing something silly like 'Sad' next to it can go a long way when you're building a progression/melody.

Sorry I didn't read your whole lyric. It was long as hell lol. good luck! Hope I was able to give you a few ideas.
#5
Quote by Redman113
Id say C#m-C#m With C in the bass-A-G#7

I'll have to try that