#1

(Below is a norwegian translation, figured it did well as a translated piece too.)

I know that the air is true...
I know that I was born, infant
and the care of a mother as the love from a father to which I see them both as me.
So much is true, yet
we're not a part of ourselves if not the thought of ourselves was..

The prediction of a preset and this world of us, we walk on hues
carefully painting out where to stay.... and what if man was color blind?


Solely am I based on earth
Based on, thus I learned to fly..
I dreamt.
Based off, thus I learned to write,
but my thoughts where long gone whence..
I forgot.


Didst the silence a weary man and his shelter..
from a beauty which was also weary and untouched.


I've known these hills for so long, and my way home is yonder.
By the mountains...had a different song, so I dreamt of me and that which is true
and the space between us is greater than love.



Fargetoner av Oss

Jeg vet at lufta er sann..
Jeg vet at jeg ble født, spedbarn
og omsorgen av en mor som kjærligheten fra en far til at jeg ser på dem begge som meg.
Så mye er sant, ennå..
vi er ikke en del av oss selv vist ikke tankene av oss selv en gang var.

Prediksjonen av en forhåndsinnstilt og denne verdenen av oss, vi vandrer på fargetoner...
forsiktig mens vi maler hvor en vi skal bo....og hva vist menneske var farge blinde?


Utelukkende er jeg basert på jorda
Basert på, dermed lærte jeg og fly..
jeg drømte...
Basert av, dermed lærte jeg og skrive,
men tankene mine var langt borte hvorfra..
jeg glemte.


Gjorde stillheten en trett man og hans ly..
fra en kjønnhet som var også trett og urørt.


Jeg har kjent disse åsene for så lenge, og min vei hjem er der borte og over.
Ved fjellene...hadde en annen sang, så jeg drømte om meg og det som er sant..
og avstanden mellom oss er større en kjærligheten.
Last edited by Eccer at Jul 10, 2016,
#2
I wish I knew the difference in translation with the lyrics. I don't know why someone hasn't responded to this yet, I find the lyrics very intriguing and sort of...I don't know, I pictured peaceful and stoic. I love the line where you introduce the title. Honestly, I can tell there's a slight difference in translation but I think it adds character a little bit because you have to wonder. Anyway, I really like this. Just saying. Very much the epitome of great poetry to me.
#4
I like how your words wind throughout this, you drift very well through unorthodox sentence structures and it's this sentence type reading that gives it flow.

Love the repetition in the third stanza, and how you're searching for a footing in the words, but I feel that this stanza is quite separate from what is before and after it (as it's from the "I" perspective instead of "us") maybe some more space could work with this?

I'm not too sure about the ending, it seems too soon, leaving too many threads untied.

I wish I could get more form the translation than I'm able too, but it's very interesting to read from a sonic/abstract perspective anyway.

Often colour type imagery and aesthetics are gaudy or crude, but this works subtly (like hues) and the allusion to colour blindness is therefore also very clever.
#6
I don't even have words for that. You said you wasn't sure if you liked it, but you should've known from the start that this was going to be an amazing piece! I especially enjoy the "middle" part, which, to me, is very touching and I love that you decided to keep it in this archaic way. Good work