#1
that morning,
my desires played out in
perfect form:

I spent the hours grasping onto
the longest dream
(your legs were wrapped around mine
and we smiled affectionately, sometimes
appearing in different rooms)

meanwhile,
in waking life,
you left my house
with a message goodbye.


I woke up and realized
you were gone.


it took me days
to bother writing this.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
as eccer said, the simplicity of your poetry always impresses me. i like the first bit, up to the last two couplets. "sometimes appearing in different rooms" is a very strong and striking image in this piece. the last two stanzas/couplets are good as is but i think they could be stronger. the first seems obvious considering what precedes it: given the other person left, of course you would realize they had left (not trying to be flippant or cheeky). perhaps the detail of "i woke up" is interesting, as it makes it known that they left without you knowing, but you could try working that detail into the piece through a different way.

the ending stanza is fine, it wraps things up nicely but it doesn't sit well with me. "bother writing this" brings an air of indifference and contempt to the poem that wasn't being developed prior, so it came out of left field for me. i like the possibility of ending with some sort of revelation that occurs later, after the incident, but the current ending feels too abrupt and too jarring compared to the rest.

this is quite a nice read though. i've been enjoying your style for a long time. keep writing.