This is different than what I'd normally create, but a recent loss drove me to make this song. Recorded with a cheap headset, Audacity (mixed in it as well), Hydrogen for the drums, and some attempted mastering in Music Creator 5. I will do C4C if anyone's interested (be warned though, I'm not very good at writing critiques)!

I think your main problem (as you probably know already) is the production quality rather than anything composition/playing related. The cleans bits sound a little muddy, but that's not necessarily bad. Plenty of bands do murky well, and I think you do too. The vocals sound much, much clearer and more present which sounds kind of weird compared to the murkiness of the guitar parts. I'd rather they be lower in the mix and match the guitar's underwater sound. The leads at the end would actually be better if they were clearer though, because you need to really be able to tell what's going on there. Also they sound kind of fizzy/wheedly/thin/whatever term you use for guitar that lacks punch. Again, just production stuff. Not that I'm one to talk, my stuff doesn't sound great either. The only non-production issue I can think of is that the vocals are a little too guttural compared to the cleans. There are plenty of examples of harsh vocals over clean guitar, so it's not like it can't work, but I think the very, very, deep vocals over very, very pretty guitar parts is too jarring.

Anyway, it's good, I think. If you feel like C4Cing, you can give the link in my sig a look. Feel free to leave honest opinions, dishonest opinions, insults, threats to my family, whatever you deem necessary, on my Soundcloud page if you have an account or on one of my Youtube vids which the SC page links to. I don't have an active thread for this tripe on UG, unfortunately.
I'm not a fan of growling, though I thought growling for the tune was not expected at all for how mellow the music is (despite the song being labelled as death metal). Gotta give you credit for doing something different. I thought the audio quality was actually quite good. I like the guitar and electric bass tones. Please review my music at this link: