Page 1 of 6
#1
I'm writing this down to truly internalize what's been going through my mind.

I will be 25 in a few days and something must change in order for me to progress. Today, I'm feeling a deep, violent anger that has not gone away. I isolated myself in a car and screamed nonstop. So furious that I was almost having trouble breathing.

What set all of this off today is actually rather comical. If I were to go into details about it I'd just catch shit from everybody for days. It was pretty ridiculous, but I realized at the center of it is that I have no control over my affairs. No control means no respect, no confidence, no money, no influence, no power. That's cheesy, but I'm not talking about some political shit or whatever. I'm talking about your everyday life and how things end up for you when people gather what kind of dynamic they have with you.

I've always been a happy-go-lucky kind of person. I go to extremes to avoid confrontation or asserting negative things. I don't like drama, I like to keep to the background. This has worked out fine so far in my life, but over the past few months, as an "adult", I realize it has become a long-term detriment. I have spent considerable time/energy/patience/money pleasing people, wanting to stay on good terms. But again and again, it is evident that gratitude is a very temporary thing and ultimately does nothing to advance your relationship with anyone. Whether it's business or social, I've realized that in the real world, nice = weak.

One of these people who I've paintstakingly toiled for (for free no less) has shown me the ultimate appreciation of tagging me as "fuckface" in a public photo on FB, after he defriends me for no apparent reason. Another person continues to harass me everyday after I've forgiven him multiple times. And yet still another person, who I've gone out of my way to drive home because he doesn't have a car, now thinks it is some kind of obligation on my part and chastise me when I refuse to. Someone who I heavily vouched for as a job candidate repays me by being a fucking awful employee, undermining my credibility and making me responsible for a liability. Someone who I'm paying a ton of money to for a significant sale treats me like I'm not even worth 2 minutes of his time.

Why do they do this? Because my demeanor and eagerness to stay "on good terms" is instantly detectable as something that can be taken advantage of, consciously or subconsciously. I look at my bosses, mentors, idols, peers whom no one fucks around with. They all have one thing in common... they are not afraid to be an asshole. They are fiercely protective of their own interests and do not waste their time with anyone who gets in the way or does not contribute to those interests. They are not afraid to confront until they get what they want. That is why they are at the top, why others work for THEM, why they make more money, why things work out in their favor, why people think before speaking to them.

Ultimately that is why I am seething today. I am so angry with myself. I have been failing slowly for a long time. Being a pleasant person (read: doormat) is a horrendously bad habit that has resulted in nothing but lack of respect and ungratefulness that doesn't help my interests whatsoever. This is a habit which I intend to correct starting right now. If you're around this age now like me, I hope it is something you keep in mind as you work your way into a world full of fucking cunts who aren't worth the shirt off their backs.


tl;dr no more mr. nice guy

...modes and scales are still useless.


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Last edited by Xiaoxi at Jan 20, 2015,
#2
I totally understand where you're coming from and I feel the same way. About 7 months ago I realized that doing a good job with a good attitude doesn't get you shit. I threatened to quit my job and I got a promotion. I work selfishly instead of as team member and I get put on better shifts. I don't take shit from my co-workers or managers and I get respect.

With friends, family, and other personal relationships, be who you are. With acquaintances and in your professional life, being an asshole gets you ahead. I know it sounds cringey, but if you know someone would stab you in the back, stab first.
#3
I've really got nothing to add but I relate to this a lot. It's honestly really been putting me off wanting to advance my career and I know that's extremely not good for me.
Quote by TheChaz
I threatened to quit my job and I got a promotion.

Lol this happened to me too.

related: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4PE2hSqVnk
Last edited by whywefight at Jan 20, 2015,
#4
Cutting toxic people out of your life is important.

You don't have to be a dick to them. You don't have to be nice to them. You just have to cut them out of your circle so they don't get any of the benefits of being your friends.

In life, most people are out for their own benefit. So put yourself and your close friends and family first. Anyone who steps out of line against you doesn't deserve any help or selfless acts from you.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#5
Quote by Xiaoxi
fucking cunts who aren't worth the shirt off their backs


I'm a fucking cunt and I find this offensive.
#6
Yes. Let's be honest though, you're not going to change, and the fact that you're considering it is daft. I can empathise with basically everything you've said except I realised much earlier than yourself that: 1. There's very few people you can actually rely on, 2. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, and 3. Don't waste your time on anyone emotionally abusive.

The only thing that's common throughout what you've said is that you socialise with arseholes. It's not you, and anyone who says differently is wrong. Do what I did in high school (albeit it's a tad harder in later life) and make a fresh start with new people. No drama, no arguing, and no notice. Just start hanging around with new people and feel the shitty weight of carrying arseholes around lift off your shoulders.

Even if you did change (which I doubt you or anyone else really could), what would change in your life? You would still be around the same people who would still do your head in, except you would be just as bad as them.
Manchester United
#7
So your solution to dealing with other arseholes is to merely add to their number? Solid logic.
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#8
Good advice from Shabs. That's what I did.

Had a bunch of friends, who I had some fun with and were okay people. However there was so much group drama with people dating each other, their idea of fun was physical violence like punching each other in the arm, and really I had no overlapping mindset or interests with these people. You also could not rely on them at all.

So I bailed ship on them and started anew with a whole new friendship group when I was about 17. Best thing I've ever done. I still talk to the ones I actually liked (mainly the girls), but I'm not missing both of them and the new friends I made (although a lot of them needed cutting out) are lifelong friends I will be able to trust and also who don't take advantage of each other.

Also confrontation is important. If you call someone out on their bullshit and take a hard stance, often they will stop it after the argument dies down. Don't underestimate that because a lot of people are equally eager to just be "nice" as you are.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#9
You should work on how you handle things on a micro level rather than necessarily changing your whole attitude towards life. For instance, if you're paying somebody money for a service and they're being a dick, let them know, and let them know you're aren't going to tolerate it or you'll take your business elsewhere. Tell that kid you helped get hired that he's ****ing up and you're severely disappointed and you won't be helping him out again. Tell the guy you're driving home that it's a favor, not an obligation, and if he wants to take advantage of you, you'll just cut off the relationship completely. You don't have to lose your temper (unless it's over something really bad, losing emotional control of yourself is pretty much a sign of weakness/immaturity). Simply be conscious of what level of shit you're willing to take from people and act accordingly when someone crosses that line.

Most people out there are craving the approval of others so this isn't a unique problem of yours.

Above all don't let this make you bitter. It's not a bad thing to be a nice guy.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#10
BTW how are you mad it's Restaurant Week.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#11
As 26 year old I can relate. I had more positive things going for me when I was an irl asshole. People somehow seem to take this for assertiveness and trust in a person to accomplish something. Had the same with my band, when I made a concise push on going somewhere we finished songs weekly. Now I am nice and accept everyone's input and ideas and we hardly get stuff done.

Indeed weird, but from experience it seems that way. It's also funny that a lot of people at the top of things (corporate, politically) are narcissistic self indulgent assholes, and people love it. I mean they might say they hate it, but you don't get into parliament or at the top of a corp by a handful of votes.

I think I also remember you vouching for this friend to get at your company. A shame really. Sadly as we are roughly the same age, I couldn't really tell you where to go or look for answers. I can tell you however, that going the true asshole way with complete bitterness package is just a shit. Be assertive and stand behind your own vision and ideas, but don't overdo or you going to hate more then you'd wish for.

The "Re-incarnation of Plato" Award 2009
(most intelligent)
The "Good Samaritan" Award 2009 (most helpful)

[font="Palatino Linotype
Who's Andy Timmons??
Last edited by xxdarrenxx at Jan 20, 2015,
#12
You don't need to be a dick to not be a doormat. It's still possible to hold your ground without being abrupt, rude or even discourteous.
It's not an easy balance to strike, but it is possible.
#13
Quote by slapsymcdougal
You don't need to be a dick to not be a doormat. It's still possible to hold your ground without being abrupt, rude or even discourteous.
It's not an easy balance to strike, but it is possible.



^^ The pinnacle of assertiveness. Honestly learning to be assertive properly, has yielded for me a lot of relieve and clearness, without being afraid of stepping on toes or people not liking me.

I think you might find this interesting as well Xiaoxi

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_circumplex

The page seems to me could be written better, but it basically comes down to a theory that when you within a group or convo between 2 or multiple people communicate, when one goes passive, the other (seemingly naturally) goes in over aggressiveness or dominance, and the more you go to one side, the more the other person goes to the opposite.

I think it makes far more sense with this image:


Basically when you move yourself into one, the other person will most likely behave as the opposite piece in the circle. U need to get to the right cooperative side.

This is most likely why your friend steps over you. You put yourself in the passive side and the more you do that, the more your friend should be pushy and dominant according to the theory.

The "Re-incarnation of Plato" Award 2009
(most intelligent)
The "Good Samaritan" Award 2009 (most helpful)

[font="Palatino Linotype
Who's Andy Timmons??
Last edited by xxdarrenxx at Jan 20, 2015,
#14
Two monks walk into the woods. They have both sworn off looking at, talking to and especially touching women.

They come to a river in the woods and on the other side is a naked maiden requesting their help to bring her across. One of the monks immediately crosses the river, picks up the girl, and brings her over to their side where he lets her down on the bank.

The two monks continue walking through the woods but one of the monks is fuming mad and can no longer hold in his disgust with the other. Eventually he turns to the other monk and says, "Listen, we are not to talk to women, look at women, and especially touch a naked one of all things! What's wrong with you?! You should be ashamed of yourself and feel terrible about it."

The other monk looks patiently upon him and quietly responds, "Yes, I picked her up and carried her over the river. And yes she was naked. But I put her down way back there by the bank. You, you carried her all the way to here."


When I start to react to things in an extreme manner, I always try and recite that old parable to myself. It helps me remember that I am in control of my emotions at all times and I am in control of my own perception of things that cause those emotions. And I will never allow myself to be my own worst enemy.
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


Last edited by mystical_1 at Jan 20, 2015,
#15
xixi is gonna become a serial killer

just imagine it

"the killer has already gotten baker, anderson, carter, harris, brown, and adams"

"oh man who do you think is next"

"call it a hunch but i think cartwright is next"

"what makes you think that"

"well I may not know the killer's motive but i think i've figured his motif"
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#16
I simply can't imagine you as this super nice guy. I don't know you from Adam except from what you write here.

It means your internet persona (sarcastic, self-assured) is quite at odds with the "real" you, however real that may be.

It may be that other people see you differently from how you see yourself.
#17
Quote by Jehannum
I simply can't imagine you as this super nice guy. I don't know you from Adam except from what you write here.

It means your internet persona (sarcastic, self-assured) is quite at odds with the "real" you, however real that may be.

It may be that other people see you differently from how you see yourself.


Isn't this most people? Especially on the The Pit where are identities are obscured.

You can get a bunch of socially awkward people who act like they're social kings, and similarly people who are popular and clever in real life who on the internet just can't be bothered and come across as right idiots.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#18
Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy
NEWS • Local • Optimism • ISSUE 47•10 • Mar 10, 2011



NORMAL, IL—According to incredulous sources, local hardware store employee and grown adult human being Rob Peterson, 37, actually expects to be happy in life.


Peterson, who is not a small child, believes he can and should lead a happy life.

Despite possessing a fully developed brain and a general awareness of the fundamental nature of existence, sources said Peterson apparently continues to believe that achieving long-lasting happiness is somehow possible.

"It's almost like he thinks reaching a place of enduring contentment with yourself and your life is some sort of obtainable outcome," friend Brian McDougal said of Peterson, who reportedly lives on Earth, has experienced life, and is not mentally disabled or abusing narcotics of any kind. "He even gets upset sometimes when things don't go his way, as if misery and disappointment weren't a foregone conclusion. And then, on top of that, he'll cheer himself up by saying that 'it's all going to work out in the end.'"

"I just want to shake him and scream, 'Wake up!'" McDougal added. "Jesus Christ, he's such a downer."

Sources confirmed that while Peterson has been supplied over the years with a glut of compelling evidence that life is a zero-sum game at best—including a thwarted career as a graphic designer, multiple failed relationships, and limited financial mobility—he nevertheless continues to cling to the misguided expectation that he can and will experience real serenity and joy in the long term.

The baffling man has also reportedly read a newspaper before, interacted with coworkers, knows how economies and political systems work, and is undergoing the process of aging, yet has made no effort to revise his original assumption.

"What really gets me is the confidence he seems to have that one day he will be able to shed all of the fears and anxieties that are hardwired into his DNA and the modern world will decide to stop being unrelentingly brutal and allow him some happiness," said coworker Miles Sagal, adding that the delusional Peterson inexplicably presumes that this not only could, but should, occur. "Whenever he's feeling low, he'll allude to some time down the road when he'll have it all 'figured out.' When exactly does he think that will happen?"

"Seriously, what the **** is wrong with this guy?" Sagal added. "He's aware that he's going to die, right?"

Stunned sources told reporters that Peterson recently expressed genuine disappointment when something he hoped would happen did not happen, despite the fact that such a scenario is an elegant microcosm of life itself. He has also been heard to say on numerous occasions that he "just [wants] to be happy," as though returning to a state of childlike bliss were a reasonable request and not something human beings had already tried and failed to do for many thousands of years before he was born.

While modern psychiatric science maintains that long-term happiness is possible only in the realm of fairy tales, Hollywood romantic comedies, and the naïve imaginings of the youthful mind, experts said Peterson has not picked up on this universally acknowledged truth and may be suffering from the severe misapprehension that life can be what he makes of it.

"Frankly, science cannot explain this man," confirmed noted psychologist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum, adding that most people have their first realization that enduring happiness is an utter fallacy sometime in their late teens or early '20s, when their dreams for the future endure the first fissure in the process of eventual disintegration. "Anyone with the smallest degree of perceptiveness knows that happiness is, at best, a temporary emotional phenomenon. Seeing as Peterson is a college-educated adult, and not a 5-year-old kid on Christmas morning, he should really know better than to think otherwise. We're all just barely hanging on for our entire lives."

"Hell, I'm a respected doctor who makes over $300,000 a year," Wasserbaum added. "You think I'm happy?"

At press time, Peterson was still under the mistaken impression that anything really matters at all in the end.

#19
^lol, that end


Quote by EndTheRapture51
Isn't this most people? Especially on the The Pit where are identities are obscured.

You can get a bunch of socially awkward people who act like they're social kings, and similarly people who are popular and clever in real life who on the internet just can't be bothered and come across as right idiots.


This. Plus many people have personalities that come off as more heated and charged in text but tend to be really down-to-earth and chill in real life.


Im not saying thats me though; most of my friends that truly know me still think I'm a bit nutty.


Dont read too much into that Jeh
.
Last edited by Fat Lard at Jan 20, 2015,
#21
Quote by xxdarrenxx
^^ The pinnacle of assertiveness. Honestly learning to be assertive properly, has yielded for me a lot of relieve and clearness, without being afraid of stepping on toes or people not liking me.

I think you might find this interesting as well Xiaoxi

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_circumplex

The page seems to me could be written better, but it basically comes down to a theory that when you within a group or convo between 2 or multiple people communicate, when one goes passive, the other (seemingly naturally) goes in over aggressiveness or dominance, and the more you go to one side, the more the other person goes to the opposite.

I think it makes far more sense with this image:


Basically when you move yourself into one, the other person will most likely behave as the opposite piece in the circle. U need to get to the right cooperative side.

This is most likely why your friend steps over you. You put yourself in the passive side and the more you do that, the more your friend should be pushy and dominant according to the theory.


I find this pretty interesting. Do you have any suggestions on books that explore this subject?
this
#22
Quote by GuitarGod_92
You were ever nice?



This cold world doesnt understand me Sestra.


im a product of society
.
#23
Quote by Xiaoxi
Ultimately that is why I am seething today. I am so angry with myself. I have been failing slowly for a long time. Being a pleasant person (read: doormat) is a horrendously bad habit that has resulted in nothing but lack of respect and ungratefulness that doesn't help my interests whatsoever. This is a habit which I intend to correct starting right now. If you're around this age now like me, I hope it is something you keep in mind as you work your way into a world full of fucking cunts who aren't worth the shirt off their backs.


tl;dr no more mr. nice guy

You did nothing wrong though. Those people are assholes, don't try to change in fear of others like them. Trust people, be good to them, and don't expect anything back. If they're ingrate assholes who would hurt you, cut them out of your life until they prove otherwise.


Becoming cynical and untrusting and unkind is easy, and it's seductive and it's terrifying not to do. But it's still not worth it, you'll just end up isolating yourself in a car for a different reason. Forget having power and being dominant and all that jazz. Be compassionate. Honestly, from what you post here, it seems like you really worship that stuff. Being better and having more than other people, not getting insulted and being bigger than the other person. I could be wrong and this is a purposeful inside joke on your part, so ignore this part if that's the case, but just don't go after that. There will be people who will want to use you for what you have without regard to you, but that doesn't mean being cynical or sarcastic or putting up more walls is gonna help.


That's all the advice I really have for anyone. And also, sometimes we're not as good as we think. And don't drink soda. That's about it.
#26
From the few interactions I've had with TS, I remember him already being a knob.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#27
By all means do your best to be a nice person in general. But you have to know when people have overstepped their boundaries, you need to place limits with people, and you need to enforce those limits. Being successful isn't about being an asshole, it's about being an asshole at the right times, and not being afraid to be one.

I recently decided that I was done with a friend of mine's BS. All he ever did was insult me at every chance he could, under the guise of "humor". There's friendly ribbing which I totally get and dish out myself, but this dude was just straight up insulting almost everything I did. I would get mad and stop responding to him, and he'd lighten up, and so would I and we could be friends again.

But then it would start back up. A few times of this cycle and finally decided I had enough of this shit. This dude didn't add anything to my life anymore and he becomes a huge dick for no reason. I stopped entertaining his BS, and he is trying really hard to get into my good graces. Being much nicer, fidgeting around out of nervousness, really trying hard to talk to me and getting me to respond to his jokes. **** that.

I could talk to him straight up, but I won't because I just don't think he is mature enough to understand. In other instances, i've become belligerent when someone truly crosses the line and a few have told me that they will never **** with me again.

But I love being nice and friendly to people. I don't want to be threatening or intimidating at all. I'd be much happier if everyone was super understanding. In my daily life i'm super docile. But if people cross their boundaries with me, I will not accept that. It's scary and it takes a little practice at first, but if you make it a habit (to enforce your boundaries w/ ppl, not be an asshole lol) and refuse to waver, you will get through to people.
Last edited by The Spoon at Jan 20, 2015,
#29
The fact that you would feel bad after being mean seems like a good thing to me though. Why would you need to be mean?

I always feel really bad after being mean, so I try not to be mean. And I can't say that I'm doing worse than people I know that are mean, or that I am constantly being ignored or anything. I'm generally quiet/calm, so I might not always get attention, but when I ask for it, I tend to get it.
Last edited by ultimate-slash at Jan 20, 2015,
#30
Quote by ultimate-slash
The fact that you would feel bad after being mean seems like a good thing to me though. Why would you need to be mean?


"Oh no, its okay mr. Criminal. Its fine -really - take it all. Kill my kids too while youre at it - here, youre using the wrong code, this is how to unlock the safe. Sorry, hope that's enough, dont mean for you to take offense or anything"
.
#32
Quote by Fat Lard
"Oh no, its okay mr. Criminal. Its fine -really - take it all. Kill my kids too while youre at it - here, youre using the wrong code, this is how to unlock the safe. Sorry, hope that's enough, dont mean for you to take offense or anything"

Why take that to its furthest logical point though? He's talking about your daily interactions with other, non-murdering people. When someone says "Be kind and emphatic", it'd be unfair to go "So you would be kind to HIT-LER?".
#33
Quote by ultimate-slash
The fact that you would feel bad after being mean seems like a good thing to me though. Why would you need to be mean?

Cuz in this world full of sharks and you're either a shark or a guppy.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#34
Quote by ultimate-slash
The fact that you would feel bad after being mean seems like a good thing to me though. Why would you need to be mean?

I always feel really bad after being mean, so I try not to be mean. And I can't say that I'm doing worse than people I know that are mean, or that I am constantly being ignored or anything. I'm generally quiet/calm, so I might not always get attention, but when I ask for it, I tend to get it.


I can't stand it when people dislike me even a little bit if I care about them at all, and I find it hard not to care. So even if I know that defending myself is better for me in the long run i tend not to do it unless I am extremely passionate about the issue. I don't value myself enough and that's a very bad thing.
cat
#35
Quote by ErikLensherr
Cuz in this world full of sharks and you're either a shark or a guppy.



Or you can be a cutesy dolphin and go out of your way to obliterate those sharks with the absurdity of the situation.

Works for me.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#37
Quote by ErikLensherr
Cuz in this world full of sharks and you're either a shark or a guppy.

Or a microorganism that calls the shots for the internal state of affairs of all sea life.


#38
Quote by ErikLensherr
Cuz in this world full of sharks and you're either a shark or a guppy.

Guppy sounds like puppy which is the opposite of kitten i am obviously a shark
cat
#39
Quote by Zaphikh
Or a microorganism that calls the shots for the internal state of affairs of all sea life.



I don't understand what this means so I'm gonna assume it's guppy talk.

Quote by guitarxo
Guppy sounds like puppy which is the opposite of kitten i am obviously a shark

#sharktalk
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#40
I learned the lesson an incredibly hard way thru middle school.


If you dont bite back, bullies will only amplify their shitting on you
.