#1
Ok, I'm usually not this morbid but this is bugging me...

How upset are you when you are faced with someone dying? I ask because my grandparents were both recently hospitalised and my grandfather may not see 2016, but I can't help but feel nothing, like I won't be truly sad when he passes away. I can't explain it to myself and it's beginning to scare me that I seem so heartless. I recently lost two of my most cherished dogs (they could well have been sisters to me[not literally] as I grew up with them) and felt absolutely nothing when my mother was in tears and I loved those dogs more than she did.

Am I seriously fucked up or would you find this unremarkable?
#2
I think about death a lot, and self inflicted death even more. Death is sad, but also inevitable.
Maybe you've just accepted the unavoidable and solitary nature of death in such a way that more than anything you feel apathetic towards the subject
It's over simplified, So what!

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#3
Sorry to hear about your grand parents m8 but I wouldn't worry too much about how you deal with it. Chances are it just hasn't 'set in' yet - I have no experience with this but I've heard of people sort of breaking down a fair bit of time after the tragic event itself even though they felt unaffected by it before that. And even if that doesn't happen remember that emotions aren't nearly as pure as people make them out to be. Society idealises certain emotional reactions to certain situations and that gets embedded into your brain to the point that you feel morally obligated to react in a certain way.

Don't let it get to you to you. Just like it's insane to expect athletes to automatically tear up when they hear their nation's anthem playing it's also insane to expect everyone to break down when their loved ones pass away. You will grieve in your own time and in your own way and there's nothing less humane about doing it without tears or sadness.


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
#4
Everyone grieves in their own way. There's no checklist to follow.
Ах, так вы не пьете и не курите?
Хорошо для вас: вы здоровым умрете!
#5
When my grandfather died, I didn't cry or anything. I entered this odd 'numb' state. It was really out of character for me, but my family thankfully knew it was just my way of dealing with it. Everybody has their own way of grieving.

It'll be a whole other story when my mum dies though. I'm going to be an absolute wreck for months.
#6
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
I think about death a lot, and self inflicted death even more. Death is sad, but also inevitable.
Maybe you've just accepted the unavoidable and solitary nature of death in such a way that more than anything you feel apathetic towards the subject

That sounds right but I really feel guilt and anger at not being sad, just thinking about it makes me feel terrible.
#7
Quote by Zaphikh
Everyone grieves in their own way. There's no checklist to follow.

Actually this. It's much better than my wall of rambling text.


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
#8
Quote by JamSessionFreak
Sorry to hear about your grand parents m8 but I wouldn't worry too much about how you deal with it. Chances are it just hasn't 'set in' yet - I have no experience with this but I've heard of people sort of breaking down a fair bit of time after the tragic event itself even though they felt unaffected by it before that. And even if that doesn't happen remember that emotions aren't nearly as pure as people make them out to be. Society idealises certain emotional reactions to certain situations and that gets embedded into your brain to the point that you feel morally obligated to react in a certain way.

Don't let it get to you to you. Just like it's insane to expect athletes to automatically tear up when they hear their nation's anthem playing it's also insane to expect everyone to break down when their loved ones pass away. You will grieve in your own time and in your own way and there's nothing less humane about doing it without tears or sadness.

Quote by JamSessionFreak
Actually this. It's much better than my wall of rambling text.
yeah but the wall explains all this shit.
#9
Quote by Pastafarian96
That sounds right but I really feel guilt and anger at not being sad, just thinking about it makes me feel terrible.


idk man don't beat yourself up about it too much.

is the world any different if you're not as sad as someone else when confronted with death?
it isn't a contest and you have nothing to prove, just do what you do and that's good enough I think
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#10
Quote by Pastafarian96
yeah but the wall explains all this shit.

I'm a dealer of cherries, not cakes.


...unless
Ах, так вы не пьете и не курите?
Хорошо для вас: вы здоровым умрете!
#11
Quote by Pastafarian96
yeah but the wall explains all this shit.

also if it helps, i was in a similar situation a few years back. i don't know if it's the same for you but i basically felt like a cold hearted sociopath because of how i reacted or failed to react to some stuff

it took me a while to get past it but what ultimately did it for me was thinking about a lot of fake emotional bullshit you see every day. be it blind patriotism, facebook likes for starving children in africa, election results that make people feel outraged one day and hardly affected the next, highschool drama with no real aftermath, etc. wasn't really a long step to the conclusion that emotions aren't just an internal thing but a social one as well

point is, you're not the first person to feel this way nor the last. it will pass and when it does you'll look back at it and probably laugh at how pointless it was. i suppose that for some of us it's just a part of growing up

you're gonna worry about a lot of shit in your life and this isn't one of those things that's actually worth the hassle


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
Last edited by JamSessionFreak at Jan 21, 2015,
#12
Yeah people dying doesn't have any effect whatsoever on me anymore, but people expect empathy as a given so you have to pretend like it hits you hard when really it's just another thing.

It's probably because I don't place value on being alive anymore. It's more like the other person is just lucky they got to die.
#13
Well, everybody mourns differently. People say that all the time because it's true, and the act of mourning can certainly extend to before the person dies.

Deal with it how you deal with it. There's no sense in compounding an already pretty heavy issue with thoughts that you aren't handling it normally--because you are. It's just that "normal" varies between people.
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#15
I have been sheltered from a lot of bad things in my life, and no one close to me has died yet. At times, when it seemed like someone was going to die, I was almost excited to see the ensuing drama. I guess it would be the excitement of something big happening and witnessing the after effects? I know, it's horribly ****ed up. Probably morbid curiosity or something.

Sometimes I feel like I would cry for someone who close who died, but then other times I think if select family members died, it might be a relief. A friend of mine was very close to suicide and I honestly felt like it would be a relief if he did it because the suffering he's faced for so long would be over. But I am ultimately glad he is still alive. I would be devastated if any of my immediate family died though, they have done so much for me in nearly every situation and I love them too much.
#16
Quote by Pastafarian96
Ok, I'm usually not this morbid but this is bugging me...

How upset are you when you are faced with someone dying? I ask because my grandparents were both recently hospitalised and my grandfather may not see 2016, but I can't help but feel nothing, like I won't be truly sad when he passes away. I can't explain it to myself and it's beginning to scare me that I seem so heartless. I recently lost two of my most cherished dogs (they could well have been sisters to me[not literally] as I grew up with them) and felt absolutely nothing when my mother was in tears and I loved those dogs more than she did.

Am I seriously fucked up or would you find this unremarkable?


My pappy was supposed to die a year ago from pancreatic cancer but didn't and mortality percentages climb for five years. He talks about how he's gonna be dead by next year all the time and (me and my sister mostly) are like shut the **** up dad, cause he has no cancer markers or any indication that he's getting sicker. Will I be sad if it actually happens? Probably! Do I concern myself with it regularly? Hell, no!

My condolences to you for your struggle but don't feel bad for not being bogged down by your troubles.
I eat bananas vigorously

BUTTS.

To the pit because i don't feel like doing real life.
#18
When my grandfather passed away, I didn't react how I thought I would. I almost felt guilty that I wasn't sad enough, or at least not explicitly so. I thought I would cry a lot, but I didn't. The thought that he's gone didn't completely register with me until much later. The way I see it, everyone mourns their own way and you shouldn't need to justify your emotions.
Last edited by sashki at Jan 21, 2015,
#19
Quote by Pastafarian96
I ask because my grandparents were both recently hospitalised and my grandfather may not see 2016

Sorry to hear that, must be tough.
I can't explain it to myself and it's beginning to scare me that I seem so heartless.
Been there. I remember crying not because someone had died but because I couldn't feel anything for them. I was scared; I felt even worse that I could cry for me but not for him. DW real life is not the movies. Also if it scares you and you are worried, that means you are not a psychopath.
Last edited by mind_meld at Jan 21, 2015,
#20
Quote by GuitarGod_92
Yeah people dying doesn't have any effect whatsoever on me anymore, but people expect empathy as a given so you have to pretend like it hits you hard when really it's just another thing.

It's probably because I don't place value on being alive anymore. It's more like the other person is just lucky they got to die.


I used to have your perspective on life so I can totally relate, strangely it took some methods that weren't totally legal where I am to give me a different perspective on life.
You should look after yourself and try to get out your comfort zone because that fact that existence exists, is an incredible thing never mind actually being a conscious participant.
#21
I'm sorry to hear that, man, that's heavy shit.

On topic though, I've lost a couple friends, my great grandmother, and a few other assorted people that I've known through the years.

I'm pretty numb to people dying. I don't know how I'm going to handle my parents going when they do go. It'll be interesting to find out. I think about death, myself dying, and other people I know dying a lot. It's strange.
--

How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

--
#22
i felt the same way (or didn't quite feel anything) when my grandfather died.

granted, i was doing a lot of drugs at the time, but i still react similarly to deaths in the family.

i've never really had to deal with a sudden, unexpected death though. it's just been older family members/family friends who you'd expect to pass away.

especially when my grandfather died. i was actually kind of relieved because he had been in such bad shape for the ~2 years he lived with us. Alzheimer's, Dementia, and all kinds of other problems. i was kind of happy he wasn't going to suffer and struggle anymore.

i get a little sad thinking about him now on occasion. i feel sorry about treating him badly, stories and things he told me i wish i could remember, and all the things i could have learned from him, but never took the time to really listen.

aw man, now i'm sad.
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#23
I wasn't that sad when my grandpa died a few years ago which is good because I was able to be useful and book plane tickets for the funeral and stuff. However, it hit me a few months later when I went to visit my grandma and he wasn't there.

I guess I couldn't really believe that he was gone because his death was so sudden and not related to any of his health problems.
cat
Last edited by guitarxo at Jan 21, 2015,
#24
It's honestly been dependent on who it was, which I'm sure is true of most. I've had all but one of my grandparents pass, but they all had known medical issues that gave them a lot of grief. I've had two uncles pass, who were older, again, with medical issues that sort of foreshadowed it.

The harder ones were those of friends, who were otherwise healthy, that are lost in a sudden nature. I think those hit a little harder because the ability to feel okay with them in a personal way is harder, there's no opportunity for closure.

With family members of mine, they've all been older, so it was more a celebration of their life. Friends, however, really sucks. "What if" is a really hard thing to answer, and even harder to avoid thinking about.

I've often thought about how I'd take it if I learned that one of my parents had passed, or my sister, or my fiance. It's scary stuff. Makes you appreciate who you have.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#25
I mostly feel sad about my dad dying when there are issues I wish I could talk to him about.
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