#1
Hello, This is a song i just wrote for a melody my band mate and childhood friend wrote when we were kids, we both are french Canadian, so when he first wrote the lyrics they made no sense and were very injurious and childish because all he knows in English are bad words really. now that i rejoined his band ive started rewriting everything and this is the first one i finished because the melody really talked to me and my state of mind as of late. So since im french too sometimes i make mistake and sometime i am not a 100% tight in my lyrics so first come first i would like to ask if anything is completely out of whack. And second of all i would like your advice and critics .

The song is a weird kind of trashy clean metal, grunge song with a very down guitar melody but still pretty fast tempo. Can remind one a little bit about system of a down. everything except the chorus is screamed or yelled (haven't figured out how i want to sing it yet) in a pretty fast pace and then the chorus is clean. the leitmotiv on forth sixth and eight paragraph is supposed to be held longer then other in a fade out. So here it is.

I also did not figure out the song title yet.

you told me i need ambition
learn to convey my conviction
need to fix my dirty diction
need to care for your protection

try to cater your attention
leave me waiting in convulsion
what you think, is it fare?
is it me? i don't care

wait there's something on your face
no its just your holy grace
anybody wants to pry?
if you do, please do lie.

I just took a wrong way too
doesn't matter what you do
this is between me and you
Please tell me its OK.

this is final destination
there is no place for redemption
put fuel on ammunition
and stare down the loaded gun

i understand i am dumb
please forget me when im gone
this is between me and you
please tell me its OK.

I remember all the things you say
my confidence slowly starts to fray
and in the end you are walking away
i don't wanna turn you away

All in all there's no result
Bottom line its all my fault
the mother****ing day is done
and you still don't answer my call.

My body is full of gash
please dont give me one more slash
This is between me and you
Please tell me its OK.

I remember all the things you say
my confidence slowly starts to fray
and in the end you are walking away
i don't wanna turn you away


if anybody wants to ear the first version recorded, ill give you the link. Let me just put a disclaimer. Don't pay attention to the first 7 seconds of the song, don't pay attention a little after 2:30 when you start hearing a women orgasming in the background and don't be offended by the general misogyny of the first version (don't think you'll understand much anyway) and its not me singing.
https://soundcloud.com/asphyxia_profils/dirty-little-shit

Thank you
Quote by BelowZero
you like bass sound. wanna go crazy on stage. and want a "place for a whammy bar"

have you been playing for two weeks?

go get a squier....


Quote by jess2112
I've heard of a guitar with five colored frets, but they don't play well.