#1
Inspiration for songs come at the weirdest of times...Last night I watched the Spike Jonze movie, "Her" (the movie where the dude falls in love with his computer). I started it late and didn't finish it until 2 this morning. I got up out of bed to shut my TV off and the first couple lines of the chorus popped into my pea brain. I grabbed my guitar and quietly wrote this...Sort of a love song from a traveling musician to his woman back home...


Constellations

Another town, another stage
I'm still alone once the bright lights fade
Three more weeks on this road
Then I'll be home to what I used to know

If I could tie a string around the moon
Pull it down closer to you
I don't believe you could shine as brightly as you already do
When I stare up into the stars
I have to wonder where you are
As I follow the constellations home

One more drink in one more bar
I'm really in no shape to park this car
Sleep it off until the crack of noon
So I'll just keep on driving away from you

If I could tie a string around the moon
Pull it down closer to you
I don't believe you could shine as brightly as you already do
When I stare up into the stars
I have to wonder where you are
As I follow the constellations home

I sing the same old songs, say the same old things
Tell the same old stories as the amplifiers ring
Then it's back out on the blacktop, another two day drive
The only map I need to read hangs in the northern sky

If I could tie a string around the moon
Pull it down closer to you
I don't believe you could shine as brightly as you already do
When I stare up into the stars
I have to wonder where you are
As I follow the constellations home
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Constructive criticism, thoughts, questions, accusations?
Last edited by Mainer at Jan 25, 2015,
#2
Your song is rather sad, yet you're using an even number of lines, which makes it kinda "stable". You'll want to have "unstable" (odd) number of lines. Maybe try repeating last line in verses?


I would see this song more like:

Another town, another stage
I'm still alone once the bright lights fade
Three more weeks on this road
Then I'll be home to what I used to know

* you can leave it as it is, because the guy in the song may be certain that he will reach the home *

If I could tie a string around the moon
Pull it down closer to you
I don't believe you could shine as brightly as you already do
When I stare up into the stars
I have to wonder where you are

* odd number of lines will create that "awwww" feel, a sense of longing *

One more drink in one more bar
I'm really in no shape to park this car
Sleep it off until the crack of noon
So I'll just keep on driving away from you
So I'll just keep on driving away from you

*odd number of lines here, keeping driving away from loved one is heartwrenching *

If I could tie a string around the moon
Pull it down closer to you
I don't believe you could shine as brightly as you already do
When I stare up into the stars
I have to wonder where you are



I sing the same old songs, say the same old things
Tell the same old stories as the amplifiers ring
Then it's back out on the blacktop, another two day drive
The only map I need to read hangs in the northern sky

* even number of lines again, guy is certain that sky is only map he needs *

If I could tie a string around the moon
Pull it down closer to you
I don't believe you could shine as brightly as you already do
When I stare up into the stars
I have to wonder where you are
As I follow the constellations home


*even number of lines, he's heading home right now, no need to be sad *

I don't really like "As I follow the constellations home" line. I would rewrite it slightly, maybe add something between "home" and the rest of sentence?

or

I have to wonder where you are
but the constellations are guiding me home

(uhm, since English isn't my first language I don't know if it's a proper grammar :x)

Overall, I like this song. Work a bit on it, try both your version and my edit, see which one sounds better and it will be great.
Last edited by GameSkate at Jan 25, 2015,