#1
reduced to id.

pabulum narcotic demand,
it deconstructs

into wind, &from soil,
these loose idioms we swayed between.


whatever you say, i would
say also




if it meant
knowing what
is,
exactly.
#2
Quote by hippieboy444
reduced to id.

pabulum narcotic demand,
it deconstructs

into wind, &from soil,
these loose idioms we swayed between.


whatever you say, i would
say also




if it meant
knowing what
is,
exactly.


I think this poem was constructed perfectly. Instead of the format taking presidence over the meaning behind the poem, it complimented it very well. The line breaks were very calculated.

The only part that I think you should change is this one:


"into wind, &from soil,
these loose idioms we swayed between."

I think yoy should change that to:

"into wind, &from the soil,
these loose idioms sway between."

Great piece, overall.