#1
1. Clean Singing
2. In My Opinion
3. Poised to
4. Favorites ("Occult favorites Grave Flue are poised to invade...")
5. Atmosphere
6. A myriad of
7. Meets ("Motorhead meets Macklemore")
8. Drop
9. Well done ("Well dona, Abazagorath")
10. Cheesy
11. Really?
11. Unfuckwithable
13. To date ("The Swede's most ferocious and pummeling album to date!")
14. To these ears
15. Kvlt
16. Yet ("It's brutal yet compassionate")
17. According to their Wikipedia page
18. Thrown in for good measure
19. To be sure
20. Over the top
21. Much has been made of
22. Granted
23. Slab
24. Off kilter
25. Angular
26. That beind said
27. Quartet (ie, a band)
28. Forward thinking
29 Cookie monster vocals
30. Dealbreaker
31. Dad rock
32. Hate-fueled
33. Bifurcated
34. Chuffed
35. Mediation
36 Decimate
37. Gnashing of teeth
38. Don't sleep on it
39. Heady
40. Aplenty
41. I'm looking at you ("I'm looking at you, Brass Taint")
42. And rightly so
43. Blends seamlessly
44. A trip
45. Long-player
46. Infused
47. Epic
48. Supremely headbangable
49. Groove-Laden
50. To be had ("Plenty of riffs to be had")
51. Interesting to Metal
52. Blissful
53. Full stop
54. A dash ("A dash of necromantic sodomy thrown in for good measure")
55. Phrases ending in "-esque"
56. Ilk
57. Aural
58. Endearing
59. I feel like
60. Philadelphia Sunshine
61. Curate
62. At once ("At once mournful and Maiden-esque")
63. Well-played (see also "well done")
64. Suss (alternatively "suss out")
65. Extreme
66. Merch
67. Tinged
68. Purist(s)
69. (Not) re-inventing the wheel
70. Bit rate
71. Dark alley ("The new Shitnoise record is right up my dark alley, Martha")
72. Horde
73. To say the least
74. Extended meditation
75. Eclectic
76. Amirite?
77. Refined chaos
78. Admittedly
79. Enthusiast
80/ High hopes
81. Quintet
82. By the wayside
83. meh
84. Do not a "something" make ("A moustache and a Trans-Am does not a Burt Reynolds make.)
85. Seminal
86. Real potential
87. Tuneful
88. Good for Metak
89. Bathory Worship
90. Production value
91. Fittingly
92. Sonic
93. Trad
94. Stream
95. Pervasive jamminess
96. Tasteful
97. Masterstroke
98. Challenging
99. None other than Fenriz
100. And such
A heathen, conceivably
but not,

I hope,
I’m not ashamed to be white
Vi doede ikke... vi har aldri levd
Barbarism is the natural state of mankind
Civilization is unnatural

It is a whim of circumstance
an unenlightened one
#3
Epic list with a myriad of cheesy phrases thrown in for good measure. Although according to your Wikipedia page, you live in a glass bowl on my piano. That's pretty extreme, but all that pervasive jamminess must have done you some good, because this is total Bathory worship. Well done, VG.
Who are you? The prince of darkness? Don't you have any friends?


#6
The fact you wasted so much time thinking of this list and then writing it out on a forum is quite frankly pathetic.


You should feel vast shame.
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
How do you prepare tea?

Quote by theogonia777
thrown into the boston harbor

Quote by Crofty89
Only if you boil the ocean first



JUST BOUGHT SIKTH DEATH OF A DEAD DAY ALBUM FROM THE US AND IT CAME WITH THE 6 YEAR OLD SIGNED POSTER (30/4/12) WIN
#7
Quote by ProgFripp74
The fact you wasted so much time thinking of this list and then writing it out on a forum is quite frankly pathetic.


You should feel vast shame.

A delightful remark brought to you by none other than UG's Djent Maestro.
#9
Quote by ProgFripp74
The fact you wasted so much time thinking of this list and then writing it out on a forum is quite frankly pathetic.


You should feel vast shame.


Something like this took me exactly 10 minutes of thinking at most. Can you relate to such competence?


Quote by Second Rate
Are there any words or phrases that we are allowed to keep using, Oh wise sage?


Did this list deplete your entire ability to critique an album in a journalist manner? How sad
A heathen, conceivably
but not,

I hope,
I’m not ashamed to be white
Vi doede ikke... vi har aldri levd
Barbarism is the natural state of mankind
Civilization is unnatural

It is a whim of circumstance
an unenlightened one
#10
I can take or leave most of them, but dad rock stays.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#11
I use dadrock casually all the time, but if I were to review an album I'd have no use for the term.
#12
Would 'rapeful freeform' be acceptable for 95? I'm trying to write this Wino review up
.
#13
Many of these things have to do with a majority of reviews saying nothing with a whole lot of words. The review could have easily been written without even hearing the album. I recently read something related to this same scenario but with video game journalism.

Two reviews were compared to each other and basically said the same thing. "Lush graphics, vast level design, intricate pixels etc..." One was from Ocarina of Time and the other was for Farcry. Both reviews, if you took the games name out from it, were interchangeable. Identical, even. Yet the games themselves are so far removed from each other. The "reviews" were so useless. Words without oomph.

Same shit happens to music journalism all the time.
A heathen, conceivably
but not,

I hope,
I’m not ashamed to be white
Vi doede ikke... vi har aldri levd
Barbarism is the natural state of mankind
Civilization is unnatural

It is a whim of circumstance
an unenlightened one
Last edited by VampireGoldfish at Feb 16, 2015,
#14
Ahhh, so like prejudicing Symbolic from writers' unobserved rankings (kidding)
They can be alright though; if it was more like philisophical interpretation of a Meshuggah song for the sake of new art/meaning (like Heidegger liked to do with Van Gogh's shoe paintings or whatever).

But yeah, I could see why a game journalist would do that, just bump out copy-pastes to meet monthly mag deadlines. Pretty weak to do the same for EP/LP-lengthed works though, and just go descriptive/draw comparisons to make it legible and uniform with whatever it might have been influenced by. Reading's for nerds anyway; gotta judge for yourself eh
.
#15
Quote by VampireGoldfish
Something like this took me exactly 10 minutes of thinking at most. Can you relate to such competence?


What a response
#16
Quote by VampireGoldfish
Something like this took me exactly 10 minutes of thinking at most. Can you relate to such competence?


You. Are. The. Man.

Quote by NotFromANUS
"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"


last.fm
#17
Quote by Second Rate
Are there any words or phrases that we are allowed to keep using

Presumably words that describe the music in a meaningful way.

Quote by VampireGoldfish
6. A myriad of

Yeah, this needs to stop. It's everywhere, not just reviews.
#18
101. Brutal

The. Most. Overused. Verb. EVER.

Unless you are describing a video of someone actually getting their face bashed in with an authentic battering ram, do not, I repeat DO NOT ****ing use the word "brutal." I guarantee, 99.99999% of the things reviewers describe as "brutal" are really not as brutal as the reviewer thinks.
#19
Quote by guitgrinder
101. Brutal

The. Most. Overused. Verb. EVER.

"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"
#21
Quote by NotFromANUS
"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"

Great.
Quote by NotFromANUS
"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"


last.fm
#22
Ah, ****, I knew something was wrong with that! ah well... you know what I mean
#23
I've started writing my musical analysis article and I haven't used anyone of these yet (without looking until now either). Definitely a good list to have on hand though. I approve of this.
#24
Haha, nice list. Guilty as charged unfortunately. I think it comes from mimicking people like autothrall though I still enjoy his reviews. A couple questions to add to this thread and spur some discussion:

1.) What do you think makes a good, well-written review? How do you personally go about tackling the task? Do you have a rigid, formulaic approach for every review or does it vary based on the album in question?

I'm really looking at you here VG (though everyone is encouraged to reply). You sell me on albums before I've heard them and have me looking at old ones in a brand new light. Now part of that is your reputation on these boards but still... You can write. I hate ANUS-style (henceforth referred to as doggy-style) reviews where music is turned into a math problem. Theory is cool, sure. Yeah, the tritone sounds evil and minor chords sound sad. Leave it out. Pompous language such as the list found in the OP? Leave it out. Philosophical mumbo jumbo? Leave it out. It's okay in small doses but I feel as though people read way too far into things. I think what you nail is approaching music on an emotional/thematic level (?). That's what made that tournament so interesting.

2.) Who are some of your favorite reviewers and why? They don't have to be professionals.

Some that instantly spring to mind are VG, autothrall, Fenriz, and surprisingly... Anthony Fantano? Yeah, he's a dweeb, looks like hipster, and his idea of comedy is a mixture of being obnoxious and annoying. To top things off, I DON'T like the majority of the groups his reviews. But what can I say? I'm hooked. He has a vast knowledge of music, remains as unbiased as one can giving a personal opinion, has me look at music in new ways, and seems to genuinely love the bands he whores as opposed to someone with an agenda like making a certain label look good.

Thoughts?
Last edited by Born Headless at Feb 20, 2015,
#25
Quote by Born Headless
I hate ANUS-style (henceforth referred to as doggy-style) reviews where music is turned into a math problem. Theory is cool, sure. Yeah, the tritone sounds evil and minor chords sound sad. Leave it out.

I don't think theory should be used to justify something being good. A review that simply runs through a checklist of criteria to see if an album fits isn't worth much. I do, however, love reviews that go into detail using theory to explain why something is so good.

You should be able to tell if something is good intuitively, but I find it extremely rewarding to find out about the mechanisms that make it good. Equally, if something seems to tick all of the boxes but isn't good, that shows the limits of the theoretical framework that you are using.

I enjoy reviews that use descriptive metaphors, too, for pretty much the opposite reason. They are a way of articulating the intuitive experience of the music without the technical details getting in the way.

Either way, a review should try to communicate what the music sounds like and what it feels like. It seems like a lot of reviews don't even try to do that.
#26
Quote by Born Headless
I hate ANUS-style ... reviews where music is turned into a math problem.

Does not compute. The reviews on the Dark Legions Archive have always been a mixture of postmodern writing style and demon weed induced stream of consciousness. Nothing mathy about them.

Philosophical mumbo jumbo? Leave it out. It's okay in small doses but I feel as though people read way too far into things.

Masha: Videodrome. What you see on that show, it's for real. It's not acting. It's snuff TV.
Max Renn: I don't believe it.
Masha: So, don't believe.
Max Renn: Why do it for real? It's easier and safer to fake it.
Masha: Because it has something that you don't have, Max. It has a philosophy. And that is what makes it dangerous.
#28
As much as I dislike ANUS, I've never found their reviews to be mathematical.

Few things I hate as much as using theory to critique music. Analysis is cool, however. I wish I was better at theoretical analysis, but I'm working on it.
#29
Quote by Frank Zappa
Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.


relevant, and i think applies to music journalism in general.
Free your mind and your ass will follow
The kingdom of heaven is within
Open up your funky mind and you can fly

Sumdeus