#1
Read the title, you silly goose.

Here's a joke that me and mah douchebag friends made up :PPPP

This man walks into a bar. He sits on a bar stool & says to the bartender, "Hey jackass, bring me a shot." The bartender brings him a shot. The man slams it down & yells again, "Hey jackass, bring me another shot," and gets up to go to the bathroom. While the man is gone, another guy sitting at the bar asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you that?" The bartender responds, "He aw- He aw- He always calls me that."

Reply with GOOD jokes only, silly goose.
#3
I don't think we need to segregate site traffic any more. Especially to an extent that we have an "only" thread for jokes. Like half of all posts are jokes*.

*Citation needed.
Free Ali
#5
Quote by chrismendiola
I don't think we need to segregate site traffic any more. Especially to an extent that we have an "only" thread for jokes. Like half of all posts are jokes*.

*Citation needed.


Think of a world where there's a thread. An ultimate guitar thread. An ultimate guitar thread with, and ONLY(:P) jokes attached. Looks great, does it not?
#6
Quote by sonic_hippy
ur mum lel

Came to post this.
Bass Gear:

Mensinger: Speesy
Fender Precision 1989 (CIJ Rosewood)
Fender Steve Harris (CIJ)
Lakland J Sonic 5
Epiphone Explorer
Maruszczyk (custom) Jake

Ashdown CTM 100
#8
Quote by Wormholes
More "only" threads is the last thing this place needs.


Stop being a meanie, you meaner. Do you see this world with an ONLY Jokes thread?
#9
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says "What's with the steering wheel?"

The pirate responds "YARRRR IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS"
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#10
Quote by forbiddenmist.o
Here's a joke that me and mah douchebag friends made up :PPPP

This man walks into a bar. He sits on a bar stool & says to the bartender, "Hey jackass, bring me a shot." The bartender brings him a shot. The man slams it down & yells again, "Hey jackass, bring me another shot," and gets up to go to the bathroom. While the man is gone, another guy sitting at the bar asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you that?" The bartender responds, "He aw- He aw- He always calls me that."

this is literally the worst joke i've ever heard

also are you 12 or something
#11
Quote by forbiddenmist.o
Read the title, you silly goose.

Here's a joke that me and mah douchebag friends made up :PPPP

This man walks into a bar. He sits on a bar stool & says to the bartender, "Hey jackass, bring me a shot." The bartender brings him a shot. The man slams it down & yells again, "Hey jackass, bring me another shot," and gets up to go to the bathroom. While the man is gone, another guy sitting at the bar asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you that?" The bartender responds, "He aw- He aw- He always calls me that."

Reply with GOOD jokes only, silly goose.


Sorry to burst your bubble but I heard that one in the 80's.
Do you even funny brah?

*reported for copyright infringement.
Last edited by UltimateGuizar at Mar 10, 2015,
#12
Quote by forbiddenmist.o
Think of a world where there's a thread. An ultimate guitar thread. An ultimate guitar thread with, and ONLY(:P) jokes attached. Looks great, does it not?

I don't know what you're saying, but I'm going to use this thread to post jokes I've read and enjoyed in The Pit instead.

Here's me tooting my own horn.
Quote by chrismendiola
What the **** did you just ****ing say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in MTV acadamy, and I’ve been involved in one reality TV show, and was paid 500 dollars. I am trained in receiving advice about asking women out. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with pick up trucks the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ****ing words. You think you can hide your romantic feelings for a girl from her and expect her to date you? Think again, ****er. As we speak I am driving Jennifer home. You’re ****ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can literally fall into the friendzone, and that’s just the first time we met. Not only am I extensively trained in making bad first impressions, but I have access to the entire arsenal of myyearbook.com and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your { friend in need _} bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ****ing tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ****ing dead, kiddo.
Free Ali
#13
OP was still the second best joke in the thread.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#14
Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the double last year,so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team.

After a day he is not really impressed by the training practices,so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple.I sometimes ask my players a difficult question,and that way they stay really sharp mentally'.

Of course Fergie wants an example,so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the touchline. Arsene asks:'Dennis,he is not your brother,but still he is your father's son.Who is he?' 'That is not difficult',Dennis answers immediately,'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie.

Ferguson,who wants to win the double also,decides to bring this into Manchester United's practice the next day.He calls David Beckham over to the touchline.'David, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother,but still he is your father's son, who is he?'. 'Bleedin' 'ell',is the Spice Boy's reply,'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why have you asked me this question?' Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement.

So that night Beckham decides to call Jaap Stam.He has played on the continent,maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods.'Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question,he is not your brother,but still he is your father's son.Who is he?'. 'That is easy, that is me!', says Jaap Stam.

So the next day David walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks:'David, do you know the answer to my question now?'.'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'It's Jaap Stam'. Ferguson answers:'No of course not you ****ing arsehole. It's Dennis Bergkamp!'

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#17
Quote by GuitarGod_92
this is literally the worst joke i've ever heard

also are you 12 or something


Why do you care, you stoopid gay feg hehehehe
#18
Quote by forbiddenmist.o
Read the title, you silly goose.

Here's a joke that me and mah douchebag friends made up :PPPP

This man walks into a bar. He sits on a bar stool & says to the bartender, "Hey jackass, bring me a shot." The bartender brings him a shot. The man slams it down & yells again, "Hey jackass, bring me another shot," and gets up to go to the bathroom. While the man is gone, another guy sitting at the bar asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you that?" The bartender responds, "He aw- He aw- He always calls me that."

Reply with GOOD jokes only, silly goose.

Jesus Wept


Did that whole thing die with WillT?
#19
What did the philosopher pig say?

"I think, therefore I ham"
I have nothing important to say
#20
C'mon guys, we can do better than this. It wasn't so long ago that we actually had quality thread here in The Pit (well, UG in general anyway. We used to have discussions that MATTERED! Now, i jump in the Pit and i see a thread like this? What is this? Some kind of a joke?
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#21
Quote by Harvey Swick
C'mon guys, we can do better than this. It wasn't so long ago that we actually had quality thread here in The Pit (well, UG in general anyway. We used to have discussions that MATTERED! Now, i jump in the Pit and i see a thread like this? What is this? Some kind of a joke?


No, this is Patrick.
#23
A man went into a hat store. He tried one after the other but couldn't find a single one to his liking. Finally after 38 hats he went "Bah I'll just take this one, it's the face that is ****ed up"
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#24
It hangs in a tree and of it falls out your stove breaks ..


Your stove


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#25
Husband (watching a video): Don't do it! I swear you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw hell, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!

Wife: Honey, why you so mad? Whatcha watching?

Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin