I need to fall in love with the simple things.
I have adapted to the ennui life and change does not effect the outcome
I am avoiding progress in any relationship whether with other humans or physical nature.

I have come to a standstill. a complete halt.

And I am sorry this effects you.
you see, I'm scared you will realize this and leave me here
to never age. to never change. to never be compatible.
but in the end the outcome will be the same except one thing
you will be here and I will be a concrete block tied to your ankle.
but I promise, I will not throw you off the dock.

I feel like it is manipulative and selfish to not tell you these things,
because i keep hurting you over and over again with my excuses.
you let me send you these deer in the headlight eyes and you melt.
you don't admit it, but i know, this is something deeper than an infatuation.
but it is not to the point to stay forever.

i am 6 months deep into this wishing well
and i am tired of feeling this ravaging gaping hole in my chest.
i am non coherent to my trust issues because i have not gained
trust from those i desperately desire it from most. i crave it like
a junkie in rehab. I need it to go on.

I dont want you to be intimidating.
I don't want you to be my biggest fear
whether it be from your judging or that look in you eyes that i will never amount to
while we are all fearful of tangible senseless things ,
i feel like this is something much more then a ghost or a goblin.
I want to be able to approach you and tell you about my day.
maybe its me or maybe it is us.
I will never be able to find the solutions to these riddles because i never try.

I just want you to trust me is all I'm trying to say.
I want you to realize i will be okay and i understand right from wrong.
I need you to understand that i comprehend consequences
and i can't stress enough that I understand this to a pint
but i need you to meet me halfway and give me an opportunity, the freedom, the chance, the will, the sacrifice, the decision, the expectation, the invitation, to prove myself.

you see, all I'm trying to express is how to i have the chance to succeed if you don't give me the opportunity to fail?
A little late but...

I liked the premise and progression of this piece. As I was reading through it felt like there were different people being addressed, starting out with a mantra read to the narrator. After this it seemed like attention was shifting towards a partner or friend but the end of the piece made me feel like the whole piece was still directed at the narrator. Was this your intention or does it just happen to be like that? Either way, it was a nice effect for my read through. At points it felt like 'I' was being used a tad too much but changing that may change the feel of the piece. Good job, none the less
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders