#1
I thought I had written all that I had to say... But then this hit me, out of nowhere. I am okay.
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In some unknown multiverse (no tea and biscuits)
God may have loved you… But, enough of that,
my virginity grew back on me//But of course/Why do you ask?
Demon possessed Jamaicans forget where they are,
talking picasso and asunder, ignorant of the approaching
hunger: Welcome to the fifth world, don’t wander.
I wager determinism, as I watch dogs eat each other on another
daylight saving, never mind suicide//Just close your eyes
and protect your fragile sanity from what can and will happen,
so... What is the point in hiding? Let’s hail the man-made partitions
and counterfeits of born again. This is our last days,
go home and masturbate - desecrate the notion of the sacred
as you venerate the souls of the paranoid, your own carnation.
as if heaven's sake would have it any other way (Yahweh).
Last edited by Bleed Away at Mar 23, 2015,
#2
Not bad stuff for a writers block breaker.

It's a shit load better than the usual relationship, why doesn't she love me, I'm so empty inside, can't deal with my own mind drivel this site usually gets in this forum.
#3
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#4
Wonderful piece of work done. Thanks for the useful contribution need tose more poem works like this.
#5
I find this rather heavy-handed with the large words. It's like some modern academic works that are dripping with theoretical language but behind it, there's not much. This is not to say that i don't find substance in this work, i do, but i would like a more direct, concise treatment with more effective word choices. Many of the words you use are interesting in themselves, but you've selected so many interesting ones that i get a bit overwhelmed and distracted.

some of the phrases are strange to me also - "no tea and biscuits" "demon possessed Jamaicans". This is likely a fault of my own and not yours, but i thought i should point them out.

still, thanks for posting.
#6
Quote by hippieboy444
I find this rather heavy-handed with the large words. It's like some modern academic works that are dripping with theoretical language but behind it, there's not much. This is not to say that i don't find substance in this work, i do, but i would like a more direct, concise treatment with more effective word choices. Many of the words you use are interesting in themselves, but you've selected so many interesting ones that i get a bit overwhelmed and distracted.

some of the phrases are strange to me also - "no tea and biscuits" "demon possessed Jamaicans". This is likely a fault of my own and not yours, but i thought i should point them out.

still, thanks for posting.

As always, I completely agree with what you're saying. Thanks for reading!