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#1
I'll start us off.

Under every surface of the garage is a spider waiting to attack.

The hot water heater in the laundry room is evil and wants to kill you.

As long as the only thing out of the covers is your head you are safe. God help the child with a toe or a finger sticking out. He will be devoured.
#2
when i close my closet door, my toys all come to life like Toy Story.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#3
There was a letter to Hogwarts with my name on it waiting for me to turn eleven.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 50-54
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#9
that op's mum is a fat cow
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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#14
you get a girl pregnant by peeing in her vajayjay, duh


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
#15
I knew girls didn't like me
Confirmed it in the 2nd grade when I asked a girl to marry me.
she said no
Quote by DisarmGoliath
Facesitting is a violation of freedom of speech, because how can you speak when you have an ass covering your face?
#16
Quote by jakesmellspoo
when i close my closet door, my toys all come to life like Toy Story.


I kinda thought this too. I felt bad for the toys that didn't get used and tried to rotate them out a bit.


More: I thought that the prickly feeling you get when you're scared was spider sense and that maybe I could be Spider Man.

If I thought hard enough maybe I could fly. I never managed to think hard enough.

That my dad had a huge dick. I saw it when he was using a urinal. Frickin rhinoceros.

That I would one day be king of my town.
#18
Life is an amazing adventure.

I'll be the hero that saves the world.

The whole world is like the Truman Show, and I'm the leading role.

Somewhere out there, there's a world where all of my dreams are real.

I was really idealistic as a child.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
when i close my closet door, my toys all come to life like Toy Story.

And this.
Quote by TheSennaj
And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Apr 3, 2015,
#21
Quote by Duaneclapdrix
That my dad had a huge dick. I saw it when he was using a urinal. Frickin rhinoceros.

lol, dad dicks.

i wasn't even really young, but i saw finger cots

in my dad's medicine cabinet when i was in high school and thought they were unlubed condoms and he had a baby dick.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#23
Quote by jakesmellspoo
lol, dad dicks.

i wasn't even really young, but i saw finger cots

in my dad's medicine cabinet when i was in high school and thought they were unlubed condoms and he had a baby dick.


Aww man this is awkward...
There's no such thing as finger cots, so, you know, your dad...
Ahh never mind.
#27
Quote by Baby Joel
hello i am new

but then how could you have joined in 2008?


something is definitely not right here

also hello I am a new user

I like smiley faces

Last edited by ehbacon at Apr 3, 2015,
#28
Quote by UltimateGuizar
When I caught daddy plowing mammy I knew she didn't really have something stuck in her hoo ha and he was just trying to poke it loose.
Ffs dad, I'm 37 with 2 kids, I know you were gettin your jollies off.



All I can add is that when I was a toddler I tried to put toast in the VCR and watch some sort of bready goodness on the TV.
#29
Quote by jakesmellspoo
lol, dad dicks.

i wasn't even really young, but i saw finger cots

in my dad's medicine cabinet when i was in high school and thought they were unlubed condoms and he had a baby dick.





More stuff: I was drinking milk when I was like 3 and there was a hair in it. I freaked out because I thought it was a daddy long legs leg. I stopped drinking milk because of this. Now I don't like milk because I never drank it as kid and it tastes like liquid butter to me now.

I find it very interesting how many people in this thread didn't know how sex worked. I always knew about babies and penises and vaginas and stuff. I remember when I asked my dad how baby is formed and he said "you **** her right in the pussy".
But for real, I always just knew that stuff.
#30
Friend told me guys jack off into a cup and his wife drinks it to get pregnant

So that was how I thought it happened for like a year or so
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet


Quote by Momentosis
Void is a wanker that's why

#31
When I was little (and still now) I had a huge fear of bees and the only way my dad could get me to go outside was to wear his four wheeler helmet. He told me if I wore it, the bees couldn't get me.
#32
Quote by FireFromTheVoid
Friend told me guys jack off into a cup and his wife drinks it to get pregnant

So that was how I thought it happened for like a year or so


its already been covered that you pee on her

everyone knows that
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#33
Quote by Duaneclapdrix

As long as the only thing out of the covers is your head you are safe. God help the child with a toe or a finger sticking out. He will be devoured.


lol having lived in a really bad roach infested house when I was a little kid I slept completely covered including my head in case one fell off the ceiling or wanted to crawl in my mouth or something.

I'm 19 and still have not broke this habit. >_>
#34
Quote by slipknot5678
lol having lived in a really bad roach infested house when I was a little kid I slept completely covered including my head in case one fell off the ceiling or wanted to crawl in my mouth or something.

I'm 19 and still have not broke this habit. >_>


how do you not suffocate?
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#35
Quote by Bladez22
how do you not suffocate?


idk

everyone who's seen me sleep has asked me that (I try not to do it when other people around but it usually ends up happening anyway. :/ )
#36
Quote by slipknot5678
idk

everyone who's seen me sleep has asked me that (I try not to do it when other people around but it usually ends up happening anyway. :/ )


i would dutch oven you so bad if you slept over mine lol
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#37
If both my brothers and parents were out for the night I was going to see ghosts and hear shit talking to me.
#38
Quote by slipknot5678
lol having lived in a really bad roach infested house when I was a little kid I slept completely covered including my head in case one fell off the ceiling or wanted to crawl in my mouth or something.

I'm 19 and still have not broke this habit. >_>


I think i curl up when I sleep for similar reasons. Not roaches, but spiders, mosquitoes, moths, and beetles. I only started sleeping with my head out of the covers a few years ago.
cat
#39
I spent a month not flushing the toilet because I thought it made the space monkeys angry and they would attack.

My family was not amused.
#40
I once had a dream at around 4 that I was peeing and the door was closed and then suddenly this huge angry women burst in with a sonic boom voice saying "I TOLD YOU TO NEVER CLOSE THE DOOR" and for about a year and a half I pissed and shitted with the door open.

My family was not amused.
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