#1
Hey, this is the chorus and first verse of a song I wrote on a whim last night, if you could give me some pointers on what I've written and what do do about the rest of the song that'd be appreciated. thank you! ('Always there except when you love' is a working title that really has nothing to do with the song itself )

chorus-
lies
you're full of lies
and you disguise
all your intentions
I know you realize
their gruesome words
stay in my hollow soul

verse 1-
will you ever
reveal yourself
or will your secrets
stay intact
do you thrive (or it could be 'how you thrive', I'm not sure)
on mass deception
countless lies
and inception
and you wonder why
I'm such a screwed up kid
#2
Really, I have been shouting chorusly with my friends on reading this poem. Such a beautiful one to read.
#3
Quote by joangorham
Really, I have been shouting chorusly with my friends on reading this poem. Such a beautiful one to read.

Aw, thank you! That's such a nice thing to say
#4
with a good drummer, this would make a pretty good song. 6/10
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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