#1
Seems to me, a lot of users who post in this forum like to write poetry, as well as songs. Seems to me, I also happen to be one of those users. Seems to me, those particular users who like to write poetry post individual threads in order to showcase their work, which, in my opinion, seems like a waste of space. Seems to me us poets need a single place to post our work and critique and collaborate.

I had hoped that this would be that single place, our First Official Poetry Thread.

Now if this has been done before (I searched but found nothing official), or if this is just not the way we do things in this forum, please forgive me, let me know, and i will delete the thread.

Otherwise, please feel free to post your poems and discuss them as you will.
Have fun with it and remember to please be civil and of course, no plagiarism.

Here's a piece I wrote awhile ago:

Winter

Winter reached out of its hiding hole. A warm October became frigid as Winter stretched it legs and began to walk. Ice and frost creeping across the world with each step as the sun wilted away in horror of this fractal beast. Skies darkened with clouds as winter reached her arms up, overstretching beyond the stratosphere. Dense clouds gathered as snow drifted across the road, sliding itself in smoky tendrils to scatter in the wind. Winter was awake.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#2
RE: Winter

I like your imagery. You have an evocative vocabulary, too. However, I think the last line, "Winter was awake" drags it down a bit. Like, that fact seems obvious enough from reading the rest of the poem. Summing it up like that just took away from the rest of the images, for me at least. but good work! Definitely glad you started this thread.
#3
Thanks for the crit! Any constructive criticism is definitely appreciated. Feel free to post some of your own stuff!
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#4
What I Am

given time, I might have changed
given the chance, I might have tried
but you rushed things,
and you accused me of lying
and who is to say it wasn't the same
as when, I was five, my mother hated my drawings?
whose to say it wasn't your fault for not accepting me as what I am
instead of what i could be?
and what I am is what they have made me


Harvedit: Formatting
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
Last edited by Harvey Swick at Apr 9, 2015,
#5
Good work.Please continue your handy poetry work harvey swick. This will be helpful for the world people to increase their knowledge in poetry.
Last edited by joangorham at Apr 9, 2015,
#6


Murder

feels good to feel
yellow and brown in
a green field.
dangling knives
dance light across
the powder brown...
take it in.
it goes down
smooth, and painful.
I'm smiling as I go down
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
Last edited by Harvey Swick at Apr 9, 2015,
#7
Many of the regulars in this sub write poetry anyway. Individual threads mean a single piece can be focused on for critique.

Good to see some new blood taking interest in the community, maybe I'll give you a crit soon.
#8
Quote by doubtfulsalmon
Many of the regulars in this sub write poetry anyway. Individual threads mean a single piece can be focused on for critique.

Good to see some new blood taking interest in the community, maybe I'll give you a crit soon.


While I agree, give this thread a chance.

Perhaps we could use individual threads for pieces that have taken time to write, but post rough pieces we just want a quick opinion on in here?

(Love the username btw)
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#9
Quote by doubtfulsalmon
Many of the regulars in this sub write poetry anyway. Individual threads mean a single piece can be focused on for critique.

Good to see some new blood taking interest in the community, maybe I'll give you a crit soon.


i agree.
#12
Quote by 剣 斧 血
While I agree, give this thread a chance.

Perhaps we could use individual threads for pieces that have taken time to write, but post rough pieces we just want a quick opinion on in here?


thanks for giving this thread a chance. I didn't know this thread was against the rules so thats my bad, I should have read the rules.... but I like the idea of posting rough pieces we want a quick opinion on. Or even just using this thread the way I intended.

Harvedit: But then again, I thought the Free Post Thread was meant for rough pieces...? IDk, like an above user pointed out, I'm fresh blood here, so help me out lol.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
Last edited by Harvey Swick at Apr 9, 2015,
#13
Well, in this sub forum you can post basically any type of written form. There are limits, but, honestly, unless someone decides to flood the forum, I usually tend to let it go.

There's not a free post thread. We had it a couple of years ago but it died.

Just stick around and do your thing. If you do anything wrong, I'll tell you. Don't worry about warnings or anything. I'm peaceful.
#14
Quote by seventh_angel
Well, in this sub forum you can post basically any type of written form. There are limits, but, honestly, unless someone decides to flood the forum, I usually tend to let it go.

There's not a free post thread. We had it a couple of years ago but it died.

Just stick around and do your thing. If you do anything wrong, I'll tell you. Don't worry about warnings or anything. I'm peaceful.


(I really liked the free post thread.)
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#15
Quote by seventh_angel

Just stick around and do your thing. If you do anything wrong, I'll tell you. Don't worry about warnings or anything. I'm peaceful.


If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#17
As this has been given the ok I may as well get in on the action. This piece is a step backwards for me thematically, but it had to be written.

not the first
time we met. for


eheads perched,,breez
eblock,,touching


:retracted(pupi
ls [remembering                 six months later: celiba
                                te continent: a single page

                                pulled from untouched Birthday Let
                                ters] wide
nend) 
kiss. afterm


ath of a petrol fire, an
acrid pull tab in my back pocket,,
fire extinguisher,,you
were,                            builder'sand against fingerwebs[s]against fire[/s], mil


estone in a
bodyload of n
ettles at the laneside.
i

fell asleep in the b
ack of my car under childho
od  (survivalism)  tarpa
ulin. it was comfortably warm.
you


were awake watching faces in the trees and che
wing your tongue into your gums
                 into your soft palette 



RE: Murder Harvey you need to bring some specifics into the piece, currently your imagery has no real weight or coherency for me - I think you need to bring more of yourself into the poem. By this I mean draw on your personal experience to create imagery and through this work towards finding a voice.
#18
Quote by doubtfulsalmon

RE: Murder Harvey you need to bring some specifics into the piece, currently your imagery has no real weight or coherency for me - I think you need to bring more of yourself into the poem. By this I mean draw on your personal experience to create imagery and through this work towards finding a voice.


thanks for the advice! I get what you mean and I will give it a little work and tweak it.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#19
dang I would share the poem I wrote last week, but it doesn't seem there is any easy way to share an Instagram photo on here from your smartphone. Even uploading didn't seem to work.
#20
My revised version of 'Murder'


Murder?

feels good to feel.

a zephyr making the
yellow and brown wave
like an ocean in a green field.
the cool wind brushes my hands, cooling my palms,
steeling my grip


these two dangling knives.

in each of my hands dance light across
the powder brown earth

take it in. slowly.
it goes down.
smooth, and painful.
I'm smiling as I count to ten...

AND, another piece I wrote.

Blame

storms reach out a thunder hand
lightning fingers
here space ceases, creases
cant run, cant hide from universal law
the price of existence
if a creature refuses to exist who does he blame?
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#21
It's like your forehead
Was just space
Put there
For my lips
During the most beautiful
Little moments


not really a poem. Written in literally 1 minute just now. It's just the thought and feeling that came to my head when I looked at this picture on Instagram of a girl I really like.
#22
19 Of 22

Pure color over pure color
Dabbled things, coupled color
All the land plotted, pieced
Through shadow hides the dullard

Hidden and weighed, wafting and waving
Over blue on green, couples gazing
Illness, profound and dumb
19 of 9 are still blazing

And time coming, ever imminent
But loving? Oh, too soon...
We're all as brindled as a feather
Like objects hidden through her pied beauty,
You'll never, as long as you'll be
Twister, slower, sweeter
Through betrayal comes you and me

And hidden through my love for you
Robins egg eyes would die for you
I would always love another...
And still burns, 19 of 22


What I Am


given time, i might have changed
given the chance, i might have tried
but you rushed things,
and you accused me of lying
and who is to say it wasn't the same
as when, i was five, my mother hated my drawings?
who is to say it wasn't your fault? For not accepting me as what i am,
instead of what i could be.
And what i am is what they have made me...
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#23
Here's a poem I wrote about this thread, called

Why I Like This Thread

WE USED TO READ AND TALK AT LENGTH
NOW WE ONLY NOD AND SMILE

THIS THREAD'S OVERWHELMING STRENGTH
IS CHANGING THE DISCUSSION STYLE

WHEN I WANT TO POST A PIECE
I CAN READ ANOTHER'S TOO

MY COMMENT LENGTH WILL JUST DECREASE
I DON'T WRITE MUCH ANYWHO

IF YOUR WRITING HERE MAKES ME THINK
I CAN FOLLOW ANOTHER LINK

YOU COULD READ SOME MORE OF MINE
AND IF I LIKE YOURS TOO, THAT'S FINE.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at May 3, 2015,
#24
a fatal blow to the face, yeah she loved it to death
this time you made a disgrace until you had nothing left
but if you wanted a friend, you would have just stuck around
and waited out for the end, instead you left me to drown

sometimes it feels so damn wrong, but then I get so confused
you smile laughing along, I swear you love the abuse


the first part just kind of came out of me. And then the rest of it was piece together within 30 minutes. I don't sit around trying to write poems. They just happen.
#25
a victim of circumstance is what I have become
is all that i will and it will be be done.

His will be done.

For all those I have wronged
for all that I have ended

and begun.

A time has spread to an end and it seems done
a cycle completed
and for once,

it feels good.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#26
Lying still, inches apart, through summer days;
missing winter for the comfort of your warmth.
Dry breaths catching at a tired gaze
attempting to peek into my daydreams, falling short.
Retreating to sleep with a tight smile, while
leaving me alone, again; with nothing
but an uncomfortable embrace, too sore
a reminder we're living the boring
hoping for more.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#27
The Tipping Point

I wish I could give up
but its too late.
Not time enough in this world for someone like me.
This world cant find time for
my love or my hate
but I make what I can out of it, and decide its time to
drop the charade and

finally,

be me.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#28
Someone told me this was good, I'm not so sure which is why I'm not making a thread specifically for it:

I don't want to change your face
I don't want to change your mind
My heart would break and make empty space
If you ever stopped being so kind

If the moon is our friend
And the sun is a good liar
How do we stay this side of the bend
Without getting higher and higher?

Icy cold weather in my domain
There's heat on the other end though
Time is not straightforward and plain
You want to be there too, no?
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#29
I really really really like this piece. Not just because we are friends but because it portrays a vague idea (or ideas) in such a way that it seems clear. Ever think about making this into a song?


Quote by Pastafarian96

I don't want to change your face
I don't want to change your mind
My heart would break and make empty space
If you ever stopped being so kind


this was probably my favorite part. I can really relate.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#30
Passerby

worn vines grow along a cobbled stone
creeping and straining
only to be stomped out by a passerby
some days you gotta ask
are you the vine, the stone, or the passerby?
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#31
Yes, I care about you, yes, I love you.
But there's not a damn thing I can help you with if you don't let me.
Sure, Ive made my own mistakes and I have had my addictions, I know how it is, Im not a hypocrite. But please, just let me be there for you as a guiding hand, for when you can't make decisions for yourself when you're on that shit. I know you're not ready to quit now, and maybe you'll never be, but the best I can do is just to be there for you if or when you need me.

I feel somehow that if I can save you, maybe I can save myself. So maybe I'm just being selfish when I try to be there for you, I mean, hell, I got my own problems to worry about. But when I look in your beautiful green eyes, I can't help but get lost and feel all that old love violently come rushing back, new and vibrant. then, everything else falls away and I know it's all been for you, it's always been you.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96