#1
i surrender my essence.
you spill glasses of water
mindlessly.


and reduced 
to impulse,
blood cells,


i pour my self
into empty cups
#2
interesting imagery. I get you kinda going for the "less is more" style but that imagery and the metaphors are so nice, I would liked to have read more.. 6/10
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#4
i feel like this piece is right there, but (for me, at least) i was unable to fully get a grasp of it. it's frustrating because it feels like i'm stretching out my arms for it, but it's still a fingertip's length away.

for one, there is little to sink my teeth into here, which isn't at all a bad thing, since i can tell that you've taken a great deal of care in how you chose your words. there's a strong connection/dichotomy here between the "spilling of water" and the "pouring of blood into empty cups" and also the "mindlessness" of this person and his/her actions against the mindfulness of the narrator, how he's pouring out his soul, his essence for this person. all of that is a testament to the strength of this piece and your great use of economy.

however, i think some clarification of the "glasses of water" metaphor would really help this piece, or, if you could substitute it with another image that has a little more weight in terms of its meaning and what it represents. in my opinion, that metaphor is asking the reader to take a little too big of a leap in interpretation and i think the piece would benefit if you could take our hand and lead us just an inch or two closer to what you're trying to say. the entire poem is only 23 words so every word/phrase is vital.

that being said, i just could be completely missing the boat when reading this, but i feel like i'm only seeing individual pieces of the puzzle, not the whole picture.

i really have been impressed with how much you've improved in the past year, though. keep it up.
here, My Dear, here it is
#5
Sonically fantastic piece, every word is on point in terms of texture. However I'm not sure about the second stanza in terms of timing, it seems that it introduces the final stanza off rhythm - like there should be one beat more/less than it is.

The ending feels awkward, but deliberately so. It's a strong contrast to the rest of the piece.
#6
When I read it out loud, I want either one of two things; more flow, or more density.

The words you use are very common vocabulary. Use of something more eloquent could make this whole thing seems to really flow, or hard consonants and guttural words could really give you something to hang on and push against, creating tension.

I think I see what the aim of this is, and it's good. I think changing around a couple words could make this much more powerful. Think about if someone was going to quote one of these stanzas. Would you be happy with each of them stood alone?

Keep it up, as always. You've always been one of my favorite writers here.
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