#1
Been a while friends, since I've been so busy working on my band's record and most of my composing time has been left to retouching old songs (and not finishing anything new for a long time) I thought I'd just post something I'm working on so that some other people can give constructive criticism and all that jazz to help me finish something new =D.

Looking for critique, on, well, everything, flow, the riffs, harmonies and transitions, and if you have any ideas, always welcome to hear them.

A bit of a return back in time to some more standard tech-death from me, until the end where I start messing around with 12 tone patterns, unusual harmonies and a chromatic harmonic march just to try something new and interesting.

Will C4C finished, entire songs for any sort of critique on this; been a while since I've critted anything here and I'd be glad to do so, just ask and link the song you want critted in your post =).

The name of the song is just a reference to the first riff, obviously a placeholder
Attachments:
Slip n slide surprise in the porn industry 16 04 2015 new.gp5
Last edited by JazzDeath at Apr 16, 2015,
#2
This seems like it'd actually be playable.


Hm... ever thought about a collab?
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#3
Yeah I wrote the entirety of this with a guitar in hand, thought it might solve the issue of some of the ridiculous chord shapes I can sometimes write by limiting my options. This song much more than the others reflects the actual way I approach playing a guitar instead of just composing from what I hear in my head.

As for collabs I've done a few before but I'm not the best collaborator in the world, my process is a bit disjointed and generally implies me touching up a lot of experimental ideas until I get what I'm looking for. That being said I'm always down for trying =)
#5
As always it's a pleasure to listen to your stuff.

I'm gonna do a quick part-by-part review as usual. Could you review my song Eidolon in return?
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Verse 1
Solid riff. I like the dissonance from bars 8 and 9, but 16 into 17 grates a little too much to my ear. I like how the section finishes off with palm muted notes to give it more of a staccato feel.

Verse 2
Great harmonization, solid riff. This riff seems very familiar for some reason. At bar 36, I kind of expected the harmonized guitar to go up an octave. Bars 41-42 are a cool ending to the verse, good set up for the lead.

Lead break
Pretty cool section here. Still love the harmonics on the leads, the backing riff is driving as it should be.

I'll skip the Verse 1b and the clean verse 2, since they're basically a repeat. I do like how you transitioned from 1b to the clean verse though.

Clean Bridge
Very fitting for the piece. A weird mix of beauty and spookiness. I like it.

Militant riff
Bar 136, I have an urge to change the eighth-note C (after the G-A-G slide) into an A note to create a bit more variation. I do like how you foreshadow the 12-tone transition within this riff though. If it wasn't for that, that particular transition would have been a bit jarring.

12-tone Transition/Dissonant Groove
I like the harmonization toward the middle. It leads extraordinarily smoothly into the dissonant groove.

I'll leave the mood switch alone, as it doesn't seem to be finished yet.

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Overall opinion: pretty cool piece. Solid rhythms, cool harmonization, and cohesive. It's kind of a "subdued" JazzDeath piece though, if you know what I mean. I guess it may be because of the relatively streamlined nature of it.
#6
Well, if you're interested, I've had this idea floating around recently that I've no idea what to continue with. Pretty 'cosmic' sounding and weirdly dissonant. See what you think
Attachments:
A Consuming Radiance.gp5
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#7
Everything you do makes me feel inadequate about my song writing.

FeelsBadMan
Gear:
Dean RC7X (Bareknuckle Coldsweat pickups)
Ibanez Rg2570Z (Bareknuckle Juggernaughts)
Schecter KM-6
Schecter Hellraiser Hybrid 7 String
Engl Powerball II
Orange PPC412
Line 6 Pod HD500X
#8
I think the drums are too much. Overall good track but it's next to impossible to focus on, especially when the guitars are ringing out, it just gets too messy.
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1
#9
Good comment, absolutely agree.

The drums are generally the last thing I polish. I normally write something really fast that gives a general idea of the feel I want, but there are always little trigger points where the flow doesn't work as well as I want it to. I work those at the very end once I'm sure all the rest is to my liking.

Same thing with a lot of the ringing out. Generally I have an idea as to what I want the notes to be and that I want some things ringing out to make it sound thicker and full, and a bit chaotic, but I end up checking every note and how they relate to each other as a chord and with the underlying rhythm near the end and polish up which notes sounds best ringing out.

It's especially hard to make that sound concise with distortion guitars, but the type of band that does this well would be Artificial Brain. Of course they do it all the time but I like to use it for dynamic/climax effect more than as a constant wall of sound. That type of aesthetic, even when done well, isn't for everyone though.

Your comments are very constructive though and I do consider them already, thank you.
Last edited by JazzDeath at May 9, 2015,
#11
The guitar work reminds me of Obscura.

I honestly can't find any faults in it and I think everything works melodically.
Quote by sheumack111
I allways found that having sex while listening to Tool/Planet X/Dream Theater was hard because every time you tryed o keep the beat they would change time sig, then you would get pissed off and then loose your mojo for the nite.....

I fucking Lol'd
#12
Absolutely loved it! It's hard to make 12 tone stuff work harmonically, and you made some pretty tasty chromatic riffs out of it! Everything transitioned well, and the lead was pretty tasteful. I agree with the general consensus that the drums were too much, but that's a problem in a lot of death metal. Just tone down the double bass a little bit and you'll be fine. If you have GP6, would you be able to do a C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1673679
It has 8 string guitars converting it to GP5 would be a real pain in the ass, especially with some of the bigger chords.