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#1
Today, I watched Synecdoche, New York, an artsy film starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. Its an incredibly strange film, on the surface of it, one which blends what is real and what isn't real so casually as if it were that easy. But the story is incredibly sad, harsh even. Its like, take a piece of paper, write on it 'A Life' and tear little parts away from it over a long period of time, and then add scribbles and notes and things that probably shouldn't be on there if any reasonable mind were looking at it. In the end, it speaks of futility and loneliness, and how you alone can only properly appraise yourself in the final hours.

I felt dejected after seeing this film. Not just from its message but from the plight of the main character and the images, hints of back story that come through in images.

And then it reminds me of where I am. I don't have my own role, I record music for the love of it and no clue where to go from there, I critique music which is a joy but each time, I feel like I'm hitting a loop each time I do it with no way of moving forward. Fences become walls, things move and change yet paradoxically remain the same. Perhaps its an unrealistic comparison to make, one's a made up life and one is my own. I just need some kind if 'place' to be.

So I guess I'm just trying to air some thoughts, without turning it into some shitty blog about novelty coffee flavours (or whatever it is blogs are for).

Anyone else feel like this recently? Just need to know how to get over it quickly.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#2
Do 20 pushups, 20 situps and run two miles. You'll feel better.
#DTWD
#3
Every day pretty much. Relentlessly ask yourself why you think things, why you interpret them like that, why 'things' 'are'. Push for something that reflects truly what you think, not what others things, and not what is in their shadows. Create with consideration and concept, and don't make work for the sake of making it - give a reason: make it relevant to you and/or the world in some way, even if the reason is laughably simplistic. Constantly work towards discovering something you didn't know about, even if that something makes you uncomfortable.

And don't think about doing things, just do them. If you have an idea to do something and it pops up twice, do it unless it's to shag rabbits or something.

And at the end of the day, get hella drunk and wish for death.
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
Last edited by Banjocal at Apr 22, 2015,
#4
yeah have a good workout, a hot shower and then eat a clean meal.

impossible to be down if you follow through it that.


edit: and don't give too much of a shit about your place in life. there's a whole few billion other people going through the same bs at some point in their lives, the difference between being happy and being miserable there is not obsessing too much and just enjoying the ride. if you can get a clear vision of a path you want to take, great follow it, otherwise just relax and don't buy so much into what you think you ought to be and other expectations that you might have picked up on the world around you, only person whose view really matters is yourself and you can change how you judge yourself whenever you want.




and stop watching crappy hipster shit. they're generally designed to depress.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#5
Quote by theguitarist
impossible to be down if you follow through it that.
oh you would be amazed
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
#6
I just played Metal Gear Solid 2 and yes it left me very depressed and contemplating the nature of human existence.

A particularly pertinent part of the game was when it told you that everyone comes up with their own "truth" as a coping mechanism. This truth is perhaps realising we did a bad thing but justifying it by saying somthing like "I'll learn next time". But every thing we do, every action we do, we justify it with our own self made "truth" that changes every single time. It made me reflect on myself and some of the decisions I have made in the past. I'm not always right and sometimes I need to just admit that I made a mistakes or am I on the wrong course in life.

This applies particularly personally to me right now because I'm going through a tough time stuck in a dead end job in a career that doesn't stimulate. I need to reflect upon myself and make some big changes but I don't know what. The jobs market in my country for example seems to be ****ed but the message in the game has got me to question whether I am the problem and I need to throw out my "truth" or if it is the system.

Basically I don't know what to believe any more on a personal level and also more broadly.
#7
Quote by Banjocal
oh you would be amazed



you have to be pretty melodramatic or genuinely screwed to still be in a mood after it.

but even if you are screwed, you are either in a position to do something about it (so do it), or you're not and it's out of your hands and you can just let it go.

no point staying upset forever.


only exception is if you have a serious mental problem that prevents you from getting over it somehow, which I doubt is the case here if the guy is getting in a state because of a film.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#8
Quote by Banjocal
oh you would be amazed


Then run an extra mile imo.
#DTWD
#9
What if you have a physical health problem that stops you from working out or running? Are you allowed to be depressed then?
#10
Don't do any of that workout stuff man. It'll just make you tired, but not in a good way like when you stay in bed for too long on a saturday and can't be arsed to do anything that day.
#11
Quote by theguitarist
posty post
eh, I just get a general and deep-seated sense of malaise and drabness that cuts through even the most enjoyable experiences. And oftentimes if they do leave me elated, I go back to that low-ness after half an hour or so anyway. you adapt and learn to enjoy things in relativity.

not always, but sometimes

Quote by primusfan
Then run an extra mile imo.
not gounna turn this into an allaboutme-session, but just speaking of depression generally, tiring yourself out doesn't do shit, and the chemicals your brain produces are like a bit of sugar in a mug of piss for anything above the mild sort
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
Last edited by Banjocal at Apr 22, 2015,
#12
one of my favourite films ts so good

I've watched you forever, Caden, but you've never really looked at anyone other than yourself. So watch me. Watch my heart break. Watch me jump. Watch me learn that after death there's nothing. There's no more watching. There's no more following. No love. Say goodbye to Hazel for me. And say it to yourself, too. None of us has much time.


honestly it gets me every time.


but yeah i feel a bit like caden because literally the whole film is him trying to justify his life, or validate it or whatever. he keeps expanding the play because he needs to see how he is, hence the actorsthat play him.
so eah i'm trying to find myself as well.
superman is killing himself tonight
#13
Working out releases endorphins which makes you happier.

If you're genuinely depressed getting yourself active can help. Physically as well as reminding you that there is a world out there to be seen. Nothing like getting up at 5am and going for a run on a crisp summers morning and just hearing the birds sing and watching the sun rise whilst no one else is awake.
#14
Quote by Banjocal
not gounna turn this into an allaboutme-session, but just speaking of depression generally, tiring yourself out doesn't do shit, and the chemicals your brain produces are like a bit of sugar in a mug of piss for anything above the mild sort

#15
also btw counselling is always an option, and it's really really good. Every body, regardless of their mental health, should have a therapist.
superman is killing himself tonight
#16
Quote by Jehannum
What if you have a physical health problem that stops you from working out or running? Are you allowed to be depressed then?


Short of quadriplegia or being in a persistent vegetative state you can always do something. Walk, jog, run, sprint, lift. Doesn't even have to be actual exercise per se. Just do something. I was feeling severely, severely depressed the other day. The worst I've felt in about 5 years. Specifically, I had a realization that everyone else I know seemed to be living life and I felt I was simply keeping myself occupied with a series of tasks until I die. I felt like there was nothing I truly enjoy doing anymore. Usually I go to sleep and wake up feeling a bit better. Not so. Woke up just as miserable. Then I decided I was going to clean out my godforsaken car. I mean it's basically a dumpster with a steering wheel on the inside. I made myself start cleaning and two hours later it was pristine and I felt a lot better.

Stop thinking and start doing. The most crippling thing about depression is the lethargy it inspires. As Adam Carolla describes it, it's like a wet blanket just weighing you down. You have to get up and go in spite of it. Otherwise it feeds into a vicious cycle of laying in bed which leads to even more depression the more you isolate yourself from other people and engaging activities.
#DTWD
Last edited by primusfan at Apr 22, 2015,
#17
Quote by Baby Joel
also btw counselling is always an option, and it's really really good. Every body, regardless of their mental health, should have a therapist.


No you should keep your feelings bottled up
#19
Quote by primusfan
Short of quadriplegia or being in a persistent vegetative state you can always do something. Walk, jog, run, sprint, lift. Doesn't even have to be actual exercise per se. Just do something. I was feeling severely, severely depressed the other day. The worst I've felt in about 5 years. Specifically, I had a realization that everyone else I know seemed to be living life and I felt I was simply keeping myself occupied with a series of tasks until I die. I felt like there was nothing I truly enjoy doing anymore. Usually I go to sleep and wake up feeling a bit better. Not so. Woke up just as miserable. Then I decided I was going to clean out my godforsaken car. I mean it's basically a dumpster with a steering wheel on the inside. I made myself start cleaning and two hours later it was pristine and I felt a lot better.

Stop thinking and start doing. The most crippling thing about depression is the lethargy inspires. As Adam Carolla describes it, it's like a wet blanket just weighing you down. You have to get up and go in spite of it. Otherwise it feeds into a vicious cycle of laying in bed which leads to even more depression the more you isolate yourself from other people and engaging activities.


This is a good post

To reiterate anything will help. Whether it's dusting the house, cleaning your car, going for a walk to get some fresh air and sunlight, getting up and moving is really important. The brain is an organ and part of your body so physical stimulation can help and is really underrated.
#20
Well, I think I'm not clinically depressed. I just take in art very weirdly a lot of the time, especially films. I had no idea what Synecdoche would actually be about, I just knew Roger Ebert thought highly of it.

I feel the same way about music. Now I don't really hide that I'm a metal guy, but I doubt many people have said 'literally cried over Gorguts'. But I did when I first heard this piece. (for reference, 4:40 till the end):



Iunno, I think I felt 'moved' to use a flimsy phrase.

I thank you all for the input though. I have tried the 'working out' method on occasion but that never really helps if I ever feel like this, which is rare... not to say its completely out of the picture, but still.

As far as activity goes, I just submitted my first UG review in 6 months, which is amazingly awful considering I used to do 3 a week at one point, but that feels good. On top of that, gonna finish recording a song I've been working on past few days.

Hopefully, a good nights sleep might help.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#21
tbh I'm actually a little bit pissed off by how much Ulcerate ripped off from them
#22
Quote by Banjocal
eh, I just get a general and deep-seated sense of malaise and drabness that cuts through even the most enjoyable experiences. And oftentimes if they do leave me elated, I go back to that low-ness after half an hour or so anyway. you adapt and learn to enjoy things in relativity.

not always, but sometimes

not gounna turn this into an allaboutme-session, but just speaking of depression generally, tiring yourself out doesn't do shit, and the chemicals your brain produces are like a bit of sugar in a mug of piss for anything above the mild sort


yeah
#24
i also know that feel

i can't give advise or anything so yeah...sorry. there's always the hotline and/or 911

good luck mate
superman is killing himself tonight
#29
Quote by Thrashtastic15
if only society knew we could eliminate clinical depression with working out and going outside~


Quote by EpiExplorer
Well, I think I'm not clinically depressed.


#DTWD
#31
Quote by Thrashtastic15
if only society knew we could eliminate clinical depression with working out and going outside~


Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#32
depression aint no joke man. It almost killed me several times and it will probably try again. You gotta stay strong, keep fighting, keep moving and keep improving because staying in place means falling behind.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#33
You know it's a good piece of art when it makes you reflect with so much involvement. I've been meaning to watch this film!!

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#34
Well, good nights sleep helped a bit. Problem is, I went to bed with a dull headache and still have the dull headache but whatever. Aside from that, feeling motivated, time to record. Hopefully can stop all my Komplete plugins from messing up Pro Tools.

Again, thanks for the help guys.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#35
i just watched the movie and that's one of the craziest pieces of cinema i've ever seen. especially because you don't know what's true and what's the result of the surrealism and a faulty narrator style protagonist. like the homosexual lover mentioned at the end. my mind feels fucked

#36
Watch some comedies. Just put down whatever you are doing now and take a break from it. If music is what makes you depressed, take a break from it. Do something real different. You might get depression if you can't get out of that rut. Come back to music when you feel better.
#37
Oh Pie

If you want to vent I'm a good listener, T&C bros are for lyf homie
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#38
i just spent the whole day crying over John Lennon's death (might be the drugs tho just got my wisdom teeth removed)
David Bowie is my spirit animal
#39
Bringing this thread up again.

Last few days and periodically over the last month, I've had burst of intense listlessness and numbness that are severely affecting my overall functioning.

No specific reasoning for it, I don't think any differently from before this thing started, no big event changed my life or forced tragedy upon me. It's just something that's happening.

I'm scared about it.

And I'm not sure what to do.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#40
Quote by EpiExplorer
Bringing this thread up again.

Last few days and periodically over the last month, I've had burst of intense listlessness and numbness that are severely affecting my overall functioning.

No specific reasoning for it, I don't think any differently from before this thing started, no big event changed my life or forced tragedy upon me. It's just something that's happening.

I'm scared about it.

And I'm not sure what to do.

Probably best to speak to someone qualified.
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