#1
Hey, I just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday was all loopy and wrote a WHOLE BUNCH...i sifted through it all and think i have a few solid ideas...let me know what you guys think! (i'm 16 btw)

#1:
i am not stardust
i am shaky hands
i am nosebleeds

i am not sunshine
i am aching hearts
i am misdeeds

i am not a little girl anymore
i can live alone
i can pour a drink

i don’t depend on you anymore

i am not your baby girl
i am not your queen
i don’t belong to you
i hardly belong to me

#2:
Just another backpage newspaper story
about missing teenage girl named Molly
she hasn't been seen since bout three weeks ago

Another pretty face on a forgotten milk carton
she'll make the headline news but soon she's forgotten
it's understood that she ain't coming home

(chorus) Just another teenage tragedy
another child forgotten by society OR another wayward (?) victim of society
you'll never see what you need to see
until youre the next teenage tragedy


It would be sick if you'd let me know what ya think!!! -Alex xoxox
#2
About #1:

I really liked and enjoyed it but I don't think the last line "i hardy belong to me" fits the relative theme to the whole piece. Very good writing though and I hope you can write some more pieces like this (without the drugs lol)

About #2:

I thinks it has potential but right now the chorus seems a bit cliche, and could use some re-working. I loved the first six lines though. Keep at it!
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#3
merci! I totally see what you're saying...i'll be sure to revise everything! Thanks so much xoox
#4
well, I liked the first six lines, so dont revise EVERYTHING .
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96