#1
Hey! I recently finished touring a new LP with my band and picked up writing nearly straight away. Here's some new stuff I'm working on.

The first finished track is called Syllables, clocking in at 3:30 or so. I'm hoping the flow on this one is alright.. I feel like there can be a second chorus at the end of the second verse instead of going straight to the bridge, but I'm not sure..

The second track is just instrumentals so far, and it's called Losing Susan. I'm not tabbing any drums in the verses since I feel ambient drums may be more fitting with the slow tempo. My band mates chewed me out for the shortness of this track (2:57), but I'm not sure that it should be any longer. Any thoughts?
Attachments:
Losing Susan.gp5
Syllables.gp5
tomorrowstpeter.bandcamp.com
ainthorpe.bandcamp.com
#2
first song:
not sure how i feel about the drums for the quiet parts. i get that theyre hard parts to write drums on, but the rhythm just feels a bit weird. i really like everything after the tempo change. sounds really happy and chill

second song:
how are you going to tune a 5 string bass that high? haha but in all seriousness, this song is pretty good as well. i dont really have any complaints, except for the interplay between the guitars on the part at 75. the harmonies just sound a little off, but thats just me. otherwise both songs were pretty damn good
Last edited by pAWNlol at Apr 29, 2015,
#3
Your reply is a little confusing.. Both songs have different sections that start at bar 75, and both songs have tempo changes, so I'm not sure which is the first or second song in your counting.
tomorrowstpeter.bandcamp.com
ainthorpe.bandcamp.com
#5
Ah, gotcha. Sorry, I was tired and a little stupid. Thanks!

Quote by pAWNlol
first song:
not sure how i feel about the drums for the quiet parts. i get that theyre hard parts to write drums on, but the rhythm just feels a bit weird. i really everything after the tempo change. sounds really happy and chill

Ah, the drums in the verses I tried avoiding a 2+4 accent, since I wanted to emphasize the offbeats of every other instrument in this case. It's a weird balancing act, trying to sound complex in common meter

Quote by pAWNlol
second song:
how are you going to tune a 5 string bass that high? haha but in all seriousness, this song is pretty good as well. i dont really have any complaints, except for the interplay between the guitars on the part at 75. the harmonies just sound a little off, but thats just me. otherwise both songs were pretty damn good

Ah, our bassist plays on a Squier VI, a six-stringed baritone guitar/bass with standard tuning one octave down.
Your concerns about the outro are on mark, the guitars are playing both an Fsus2 and an Fadd9, the add9 being discordant since it octaves the Fsus2. I think using a variant of the add9 chord that emphasizes the C and G in both chords might work better. I've attached another version of the song with the outro reflecting that change.

Again, thanks for the criticism!
Attachments:
Losing Susan chords.gp5
tomorrowstpeter.bandcamp.com
ainthorpe.bandcamp.com
#6
I love Losing Susan. I can't complain about a thing. I actually love off kilter drum parts, so your avoiding the 2 & 4 in there actually was a plus for me. It just sounded jazzy, and I gather that jazz is an influence of yours.

In Syllables, I loved the damn interplay between track 1 and 2 in the intro section. It just sounds so musically poignant. I love the way 57 grooves sooo much. 75 was beautiful. I'm a big fan of polyrhythmic melodies. I want to hear this be a full, recorded song. I dig your chord usage so much. Both tracks are filled with such rich, lush textures. Pleasing vocal melodies, too.

P.S. At first I thought I hated the lyrics, but then I decided not to take them so seriously. Then I didn't mind them at all. It all seemed pretty British, so I pictured Frank Turner singing it.
Last edited by Million Dead at Apr 30, 2015,
#7
Many thanks! Will C4C right after work!

Quote by Million Dead
I love Losing Susan. I can't complain about a thing. I actually love off kilter drum parts, so your avoiding the 2 & 4 in there actually was a plus for me. It just sounded jazzy, and I gather that jazz is an influence of yours.

I attended jazz and samba guitar classes for three years, which added some moodier elements to my writing, for sure. I try to avoid the common rock beat unless it stylistically works. I do return to the 2 & 4 accents in the outro and the initial tempo change to contrast the slower sections. It does help rein in the song.
Quote by Million Dead
In Syllables, I loved the damn interplay between track 1 and 2 in the intro section. It just sounds so musically poignant. I love the way 57 grooves sooo much. 75 was beautiful. I'm a big fan of polyrhythmic melodies. I want to hear this be a full, recorded song. I dig your chord usage so much. Both tracks are filled with such rich, lush textures. Pleasing vocal melodies, too.

I just tried emulating the interplay that The Strokes use in several tracks, but most prominently so in their song Welcome to Japan. I tried doing this with the bass, since I tend to put our bassist more upfront live, but intertwining three leads gets confusing and messy! The chorus melody was first written to fit a Legend of Zelda theme - Song of Healing. But we quickly ditched the minor emphasis and went for the polyrhythm there instead.
To that end, the bridge sort of emulates the grooves that Japanese math rock band Uchu Conbini used throughout their two EPs. I'd suggest strongly you check them out!
Quote by Million Dead
P.S. At first I thought I hated the lyrics, but then I decided not to take them so seriously. Then I didn't mind them at all. It all seemed pretty British, so I pictured Frank Turner singing it.

You hit the money on the mark - our singer uses a British accent and suffers countless comparisons to Morrissey whenever he sings. I don't ask, but I believe he intentionally avoids common math rock tropes in singing (i.e. being too much like TTNG or the Kinsella's) while applying a few (odd lyrical themes, some intentional stylistic suckage)
tomorrowstpeter.bandcamp.com
ainthorpe.bandcamp.com
Last edited by Qasdelo at Apr 30, 2015,