What to do to get kicked out of a band -- my wisdom...

being kicked out of a band appears to be a popular topic on this sub forum, so I thought why don't we come up with a list of things not to do. It isn't easy, its like your girlfriend breaking up with you.

I have been kicked out of 2 bands in the past few years (one last month), broke up 2 bands in the past 3 months, and I have kicked 6 people out of bands in the past 3 months. (Doesn't it feel good to kick out more people than times you've been kicked out? )

(1) Steal the band's presale money to buy drugs.

(2) Walk up to the drummer and trying to start fighting him on stage because the drummer was off time. Then tell the drummer your going to come to his house and make sure he can't walk anymore.

(3) Play a show on acid (or drug of choice) and forget all the lyrics.

(4) Forget all the lyrics and walk off stage in the middle of the show.

(5) Keep rescheduling practice because "not feeling like it today".

(6) On the day of a show, not answer the phone, and require one of the members to drive to your house and knock on the door to see what happended to you 2 hours before load in on a Friday afternoon in rush hour.

(7) Already be in another band, join this band, and never show up for practice because you have practice with the other band.

(8) Have no transportation to practice.

(9) Facebook message a member to pick you up from your address to get to practice, and the address you give him is the gym your working out at. Then tell him you'll be out of the gym in 30 min. Then tell him he has to drive you to your house to pick up your gear before practice. After he already drove over an hour to the gym to pick you up.

(10) Come 3 hours late to practice.

(11) Make sure everyone knows that you will be writing all the guitars and lyrics. Then write nothing.

(12) Show up 3 hours late to practice, with the band waiting for you to practice with them, and then tell them you forgot your gear at home and ask to either go home and get your gear or borrow their gear and only practice with one guitarist at a time.

(13) Your house where practice is at is filthy. The guys only come there because your the drummer and don't have a car. The guitarist has to carefully position his cab so as to not touch a stack of partially empty pizza boxes stacked 3 feet high with moldy pizza left in the boxes, and a puddle of diet coke an inch deep on the floor reaches the guitarist's guitar worth $800 new.

(14) Take control of scheduling all practices. Then never show up to the practices you scheduled.

(15) At a show before you go on, tell the band that you want them to drive you home right now so you can go to sleep because your too high to play the show.

(16) be an angry drunk. drink a whole bottle of Jack in the car outside the venue, then try to start fights with other band members.

(17) drink a whole bottle of Jack in the car outside the venue, and then forget most of the lyrics, and when the drummer tells you the words, be sure to come behind his kit and get in his face to tell him to f*** off.

(18) Admit yourself in to the mental ward of the hospital for 4 weeks the night after the show and communicate with no members, other than posting tweets of your hospital stay -- after tweeting you are going to commit suicide and posting nothing else for 2 weeks. Then when you realize the band has moved on without you, tell them you will sue them if they use your music and your band name.

(19) Don't show up to practice because your at a hospital watching one of the girls you got pregnant give birth. Oh, and the girl you got pregnant was the bassist's girlfriend who cheated on him.

(20) Say that you will commit suicide if anyone kicks you out. [The band WILL kick you. The band will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing on their property at band practice so you will be arrested so you can't kill yourself because you'll be in jail.]

(21) Spread rumors to the whole band that the vocalist hooked up with the bassist's girlfriend and got her pregnant. Then post it on Facebook.

(22) Let everyone know that you are the vocalist and no other lyrics will be allowed except your lyrics. Then write no lyrics.

(23) You can't play to a click in PodFarm recording your band's debut single.

(24) You suck at writing leads, and ask the vocalist who also plays guitar to write all leads for you and say you will play all of his leads live.