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#1
Hey guys. I know this doesn't seem like the best site for this, but I could use some words from people I know who share a common love with me even if that love has nothing to do with this. I won't bore you with a sob story. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. This person meant everything to me. I found out she was sleeping with my best friend for the last week. I'm torn up inside. I've never felt so horrible in my entire life and it's making my physically and mentally sick.

I know my situation isn't one of a kind which is why I'm posting this. If you have anything to offer me please say it. I don't care if it's a hateful message telling me to die and get this off of the site ect. I want anything because I've never felt so alone in my entire life. If that makes me a bad person fine, but if anyone has anything they can say to me at all, supportive or not I would like to read it just to help myself remember that there are other people out there. Sorry if this post is a downer. Thanks guys.

I'll make sure I don't post anything like this again. I'm just in a tough spot right now and I kinda want some help from people who don't know me and have no reason to baby me or anything. I know anyone who replies can keep it 100% honest with me and I really just want the honest truth.
#2
burn your bridges and start anew

find (positive) ways to fill your life (exercise, volunteering, etc.)

best wishes

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#3
Bro, I'm sorry.

have a hug

and for the love of god just don't try to kill yourself. It's not worth it.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#4
It's like my main man Chris Brown says, these hos ain't loyal.
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#6
im just gonna go stream-of-consciousness here

do you know "why" she cheated on you? did you have a chance to have any convo like that yet? did she tell you or did you find out by accident? are you guys officially broken up?

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that this situation is salvageable. or even worth salvaging. your gf and bf both seem like utter cunts tbh lmao (that's some pretty ****ed up shit for a supposed "best friend" to be doing, forget the gf)

edit: i ask if you know why it happened, in order to determine if you think it was a shortcoming of yours or hers. if you think it was your fault, i guess it's something to think about, although there is usually no excuse for cheating anyways. in a decent relationship with a good partner you'd hope there'd at least be a conversation if something was wrong.

channel all of your frustration into music imo. find other things to focus on, especially yourself. i feel like once you're in a relationship, intrapersonal growth stagnates. now that you're alone, you've got a chance to make yourself even more awesome and down the line potentially bag a chick that's actually worth your time.

stream-of-consciousness done for now
Last edited by RedDeath9 at May 3, 2015,
#9
Just keep on keeping on, dude. That's really all you can do. It will feel like you're living life one minute at a time for a while, then it will be one hour at a time, then one day, then before long you will be back into a normal routine and won't be thinking about it 24/7. But don't be hard on yourself in any way right, let yourself cry or take breaks at work or get angry at people.


also don't apologize, this shit sucks and it's worth making a thread about. talking to people online (mostly here) has actually helped me in this kind of situation before.


also stay away from her (and maybe your friend) completely for a while. like, don't talk to her or anything. it may be hard or impossible if you go to the same school or something, but try as hard as you can. don't even worry about figuring things out right now, she cheated on you and that's all you need to know, so you're done with her.
Last edited by MeGaDeth2314 at May 3, 2015,
#10
Quote by MeGaDeth2314
Just keep on keeping on, dude. That's really all you can do. It will feel like you're living life one minute at a time for a while, then it will be one hour at a time, then one day, then before long you will be back into a normal routine and won't be thinking about it 24/7. But don't be hard on yourself in any way right, let yourself cry or take breaks at work or get angry at people.


also don't apologize, this shit sucks and it's worth making a thread about. talking to people online (mostly here) has actually helped me in this kind of situation before.


also stay away from her (and maybe your friend) completely for a while. like, don't talk to her or anything. it may be hard or impossible if you go to the same school or something, but try as hard as you can. don't even worry about figuring things out right now, she cheated on you and that's all you need to know, so you're done with her.

this, this, a thousand times, this.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#12
How did you find out? And you say for a week? Is that every night, are you sure it wasn't longer than that? Did you also break up with your best friend? cause he sounds like a right douche.

Do you think you could have done anything differently? Did she tell you why she did it? We need more information to truly help you man. A simple "that sucks, hope for the best for you" won't suffice for me, I want to help you.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#13
Quote by Neo Evil11
How did you find out? And you say for a week? Is that every night, are you sure it wasn't longer than that? Did you also break up with your best friend? cause he sounds like a right douche.

Do you think you could have done anything differently? Did she tell you why she did it? We need more information to truly help you man. A simple "that sucks, hope for the best for you" won't suffice for me, I want to help you.


Sorry, one more piece of advice from me:


Ignore Neo and any posts he makes in this thread
#14
Quote by MeGaDeth2314
Sorry, one more piece of advice from me:


Ignore Neo and any posts he makes in this thread

Yes, cause the most generic bullshit you posted is worth listening to. I'm sure "just keep going on" is something that would never have crossed TS his mind.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#15
Quote by Neo Evil11
Yes, cause the most generic bullshit you posted is worth listening to. I'm sure "just keep going on" is something that would never have crossed TS his mind.



things like that don't cross your mind in these situations. you really just need to hear that you're not alone and that people are supportive of you and that you will get better.


even if he types paragraphs of every detail of his story, you're not him and you will never know how his brain is handling all of this, and ultimately your more specific advice will have little bearing on what he actually decides to do with his life.
#16
OP wants advice, not an interrogation lol
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#17
Shit sucks, but what can you do? Just try to distract yourself the best you can until you feel normal again.
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#18
I thought neo's post was fine. if I found out my gf was cheating I'd to know every goddamn detail of it.

edit: knowing the details of it also tells us how we can help him in a way that's not just us saying, "sucks bro what can ya do" which is total bs
Last edited by RedDeath9 at May 3, 2015,
#19
Quote by RedDeath9
I thought neo's post was fine. if I found out my gf was cheating I'd to know every goddamn detail of it.


I wouldn't I'd just want nothing else to do with them

people are different
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#20
Quote by Bladez22
I wouldn't I'd just want nothing else to do with them

people are different



This is how I feel, too. Once you can confirm that she cheated, that's really all that matters. It can drive you mad if you start digging to find out more and more, and also make you paranoid about trusting others.


There's nothing wrong with wanting to know more details when it happens to you, but I just felt like Neo was asking a lot of somebody who this just had this devastating event happen to them. with something big like this, it could take the poor guy an hour to get things straight in his head and type out everything that happened. and in the end I don't think it won't produce much more helpful advice, if any.
#21
Quote by Bladez22
I wouldn't I'd just want nothing else to do with them

people are different


I've experienced it and I've had a mixed reaction. at first I interrogate a bit, then I decide to cut them off completely, but then it feels unfinished so I talk to them about it again. depending on what they say, cutting them off completely is still a viable choice
#22
Quote by RedDeath9
I thought neo's post was fine. if I found out my gf was cheating I'd to know every goddamn detail of it.

edit: knowing the details of it also tells us how we can help him in a way that's not just us saying, "sucks bro what can ya do" which is total bs

Which was my entire point.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#24
Man that really sucks, but I would try talking to your "best friend." And find out what he was thinking, doing, and just get his perspective.

Cheating is wrong and I don't think you should try to fix your relationship with her, but I wouldn't jump to any major conclusions or decisions till all the cards are laid on the table.

Ya never know your best friend and her could really have something, wouldn't you want to know that? Or they could have just been super horny.

I can't really give advise on talking it out though because I shove all my problems in a closet and ignore them.
#25
Quote by RedDeath9
I've experienced it and I've had a mixed reaction. at first I interrogate a bit, then I decide to cut them off completely, but then it feels unfinished so I talk to them about it again. depending on what they say, cutting them off completely is still a viable choice


that's fair enough, tbh ive never had this happen to me (and i hope it doesn't... i liked my gf) so i can't really say for sure what i'll do if it does... I'm pretty good at just blocking people out though

Another thing is though, it doesn't really matter what OP did right or wrong, at the end of the day she cheated on him. That's not his fault, she chose to do that. If she was unhappy then she should've communicated it or just broken up with him... saying "help us find out what you did wrong" is kind of shitty imo, its implying that what she did was because of him, and that he's somehow at fault. Its how that came across to me anyway

Quote by MeGaDeth2314
me too.


it's like this thread has synchronized our brains or something m8


maybe our cycles will synchronize next
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
Last edited by Bladez22 at May 3, 2015,
#26
Quote by Bladez22
saying "help us find out what you did wrong" is kind of shitty imo, its implying that what she did was because of him, and that he's somehow at fault. Its how that came across to me anyway



me too.


it's like this thread has synchronized our brains or something m8
#27
hey it's alright dude, no need to apologize, that shit sucks and you should be talking about it. it's not a nuisance, it's what you do

i don't really have anything in terms of specific advice, but just sort of realize that this is a low for you and all it takes to get back into a high is time. and to speed that up you can try as hard as you can to be healthy about it. don't check her social media (THIS IS IMPORTANT) and try to spend time with other people if possible instead of shutting yourself in and try to have fun and forget about it without wrecking yourself. your life isn't over, if she was right for you she wouldn't have done that. it's restarted. you have a fresh start.
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#29
I'll try to address a few of the questions at once instead of responding to individual posts.

For the 'friend' I've just as calmly as possible asked if he can get his stuff from my house and return what belongs to me and then get out of my life as quickly as possible. I'd rather not think about 'what he was feeling' because I really don't care how he feels. I would never stab a friend in the back like that so clearly I was just never much of a friend to him to begin with.

She told me that she has been into him since she met him, I wouldn't have been as upset about this if she had been honest. I'd rather her leave me for him and be clean about it then go behind my back but I can't change that now. I've told both of them to give me back my stuff and made it so they can get back theirs. After that I really just want them out of my life forever. She also told me it's really nothing that I did, she just finds him more appealing as a person. I guess we just aren't as in sync as I thought we were.

The 'friend' is trying to defend himself and tell me he still wants to be friends but I really could care less. I don't want a backstabber to stand next to me and claim they care about me.
As for me I don't know what I'm going to do to get over it but I'll try to figure it out. Right now I'm just hurting a lot and have decided to take some time to myself and sort of stay in for a bit and really try to get it out of my system for a few weeks/months. I got with her when I was 14, I'm 19 now. Thanks to that, I have never learned any sort of skills with meeting women ect so i'm really not even sure when I want to start to get back out there even once I start to feel better.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through but my other friend said something to me that really helped. He said that while it hurts, my situation is like thousands of others since the beginning of man kind. For generations people have found a way to get through the hurt and find new people to build strong healthy relationships with. I'm no different then they are and I will be able to do the same given enough time. I know right now it's hard to keep my head up but I'm really going to do my best.
Last edited by cheosamad at May 3, 2015,
#30
I think you handled it well between the two of them. The way you put it sounds mature and dignified. I would probably do the same in that situation.

Your going to be in pain, at least you know your not a psychopath and you can feel things.
#32
cut the cancer out of yr life and move on. sucks but at least you found out sooner rather than later.
#33
Quote by RedDeath9
yeah they sound like complete ****in tools


this

fvck them
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#34
It's already been said many times but it's worth saying again; cut them out of your life straight away. Delete/block any way of contacting them and don't check up on them via social media. It'll be difficult to do at first but making the clean break is best in the long run. After 6 months or so, if you still need some form of closure, go back and talk to them. You'll know how you and they truly feel once the dust has settled. However, in my experience its better to not revisit these things, but everyone's different.
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#35
Quote by cheosamad
stuff



Sounds like you handled everything perfectly. When the anger subsides, just make sure that you resist the urge to talk to either of them, unless it's been long enough that you are really ready for it. Sounds like you know what you're doing though.


Keep your chin up and you will start to feel better with time. Best of luck.
Last edited by MeGaDeth2314 at May 3, 2015,
#36
Right now you are feeling angry and horrible. There's not much you can do and decide while feeling like this, you are not a robot. So like some others said, cut them off and let time go by. You will feel better after some time has passed, and you will be able to think about the situation with a clearer head.
It depends on how you react to it emotionally, but if it's too strong (like in your case) then the above, and what other's have stated in the thread is the best choice.
#37
I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you, it really is unimaginable how much and the way it hurts.
You do sound like a emotionally intelligent person for being able to maintain your calm while interacting with them, and let me tell you that's something that'll help you, a lot.

I've been where you are, actually at the same age as you too and I remember it like it was yesterday. It's tough and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
However, because it happened I am today a stronger person. Now, of course I wish that I didn't have to deal with the crap in the beginning, but I pulled through and I believe you can do too. Probably better than me given the fact how well you handled your situation.

What I learned from my experience is that people come in two categories - either they are a friend, or a lesson.

It may sound hard to hear this right now, but things never really go back to "okay". Rather, you learn to live with the fact that it's not okay. You literally grow stronger than it not being okay, to the point where it doesn't matter to you anymore. You look back on it and it doesn't affect you emotionally.

Now, taking some time for yourself is a good thing, but I would advice you not to make a habit out of it. Dwelling on it while the wound is fresh is okay, but to keep dwelling will tear you apart. My suggestion is that you, while you take your personal time try to find something to do, something to hold on to. Let it be an existing hobby a new thing you haven't tried or something you've always wanted to do.

What I'm trying to say is - start a new beginning. Life's far from over, my friend. You have a long way to go.

Always remember, the person who'll always be there is yourself, that's easy to forget in these situations. If those two stabbed you in the back like that, well then you're better off without them - it's their loss.

Chin up, you'll do great. Best of luck to you.

Remember, the night is darkest before the dawn. And the dawn always comes back.
#38
Every time I've thought my life was over, it never has been. Peaks and valleys. You can gain knowledge through education but you can only gain wisdom through experience. Just ride it out, and you'll be a better person for having gone through it. The worst part is the insecurity it fosters. It's like being robbed. It sucks that someone stole your watch, but you'll get over the watch. What really lingers is is the feeling that they robbed you of your sense of autonomy and safety.

She ****ed your friend which sucks, man. It really does. It's an awful feeling. One of the worst. And it may be in the back of your mind when you start a new relationship. Like the robber, what she really took was your sense of trust. Let yourself be aware, but don't let yourself become a hostage to prior experience. Live your life in spite of it. I spent a long time beating myself up asking in vain why I wasn't good enough. I spent a long time being afraid that no matter who I dated somewhere, somehow there was someone who they'd like better than me and leave me for them. Wasted energy. Don't worry about what if, just worry about what is.

Don't interpret this as a reflection of you or your abilities as a significant other. Cheating is for sorry-ass insecure people who lack the maturity for commitment but lack the confidence in themselves to be alone or the courage to end a relationship they don't want to be in. They're pussies. I know you feel like shit. But to reiterate, every time I thought I was down and would never be able to get back up, I was always able to. And I'm better for having gone through it. You'll look back in a decade and realize this was one of the best things to ever happen to you. In an alternate universe, perhaps you end up married to a cheater who doesn't respect you and you can't trust. What a miserable life. In this universe you've been freed from that -- unceremoniously freed, but freed nonetheless. Embrace that and let it refine who you are and what you're seeking in a partner and in life.

You're resilient. You can do this. Feel free to reach out to me via PM if you ever want to chat.
#DTWD
Last edited by primusfan at May 3, 2015,
#39
Quote by cheosamad
I'll try to address a few of the questions at once instead of responding to individual posts.

For the 'friend' I've just as calmly as possible asked if he can get his stuff from my house and return what belongs to me and then get out of my life as quickly as possible. I'd rather not think about 'what he was feeling' because I really don't care how he feels. I would never stab a friend in the back like that so clearly I was just never much of a friend to him to begin with.

She told me that she has been into him since she met him, I wouldn't have been as upset about this if she had been honest. I'd rather her leave me for him and be clean about it then go behind my back but I can't change that now. I've told both of them to give me back my stuff and made it so they can get back theirs. After that I really just want them out of my life forever. She also told me it's really nothing that I did, she just finds him more appealing as a person. I guess we just aren't as in sync as I thought we were.

The 'friend' is trying to defend himself and tell me he still wants to be friends but I really could care less. I don't want a backstabber to stand next to me and claim they care about me.
As for me I don't know what I'm going to do to get over it but I'll try to figure it out. Right now I'm just hurting a lot and have decided to take some time to myself and sort of stay in for a bit and really try to get it out of my system for a few weeks/months. I got with her when I was 14, I'm 19 now. Thanks to that, I have never learned any sort of skills with meeting women ect so i'm really not even sure when I want to start to get back out there even once I start to feel better.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through but my other friend said something to me that really helped. He said that while it hurts, my situation is like thousands of others since the beginning of man kind. For generations people have found a way to get through the hurt and find new people to build strong healthy relationships with. I'm no different then they are and I will be able to do the same given enough time. I know right now it's hard to keep my head up but I'm really going to do my best.

You handled an extremely shitty situation extremely well. You'll be fine.
Free Ali
Free Lard
#40
Quote by MeGaDeth2314
Just keep on keeping on, dude. That's really all you can do. It will feel like you're living life one minute at a time for a while, then it will be one hour at a time, then one day, then before long you will be back into a normal routine and won't be thinking about it 24/7. But don't be hard on yourself in any way right, let yourself cry or take breaks at work or get angry at people.


also don't apologize, this shit sucks and it's worth making a thread about. talking to people online (mostly here) has actually helped me in this kind of situation before.


also stay away from her (and maybe your friend) completely for a while. like, don't talk to her or anything. it may be hard or impossible if you go to the same school or something, but try as hard as you can. don't even worry about figuring things out right now, she cheated on you and that's all you need to know, so you're done with her.


This is really all that needs said. Bad things happen, and it sucks hard when they do, but you basically just keep dragging yourself forward and eventually it gets better. When the immediacy of the pain fades away, you can make a conscious choice to hold the good parts of the relationship at a higher value than the way it ended. The end of the relationship doesn't undo the parts that were good.

Don't go nuts trying to find larger reasons for everything. At the end of the day, there really aren't any. You'll wallow in misery for a while, and eventually keep moving until something new happens.
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