#1
Sure kids are cute, but did you ever consider how useful or fun they might be?

This is a thread devoted to viewing children in a positive light, with a slightly evil twist of how you can gain personally, financially, or simply have a laugh at their lack of coordination and limited grasp on reality.

One of my favorite features of the little rascals is gullibility. They'll believe anything! I think that's great. Who else can you tell that Santa lives at the North Pole and carries presents to everyone on the planet that look surprisingly like shit from Wal-Mart?!

Not to mention the fact that the amount of crap he brings you is directly related to your parents' socio-economic status. Hmm, interesting.

What's your favorite thing about our younger members of the species? The ease with which one can manipulate them into getting you another beer, perhaps.

There's all kinds of great stuff about them. What's your favorite?
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#2
they sure are useful plowing my fields like the little serfs that they are


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
#3
At least 1 kid I've met in my life wasn't a complete monster that I didn't want to punt across a football field.


That's in a positive light, right?
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#4
**** kids they are annoying as hell and i dont want one ever
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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#5
Quote by Acϵ♠
**** kids they are annoying as hell and i dont want one ever

Positive slant: They keep the majority of adults busy wiping up poop and chasing them all over the place meaning?

More room at the bar!

Thanks, kids. Room at the bar is good.
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#6
Yeah they're okay.

I'm generally indifferent to them.

Their curiosity is amusing I guess. You can kinda tell who is going to grow up smart and who is going to be another dumbass just based on how curious they are and what they are curious about.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#7
The drive to make them leads to SEX!

The rest, post-ejaculation is pretty messy, but the whole bit leading up to the big moment is cool.
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#8
if you happen to have a few really young ones around with you and you need to cross a minefield...
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

Like melodic, black, death, symphonic, and/or avant-garde metal? Want to collaborate? Message me!
#10
If you're a completely abominable person, like a politician, then your kids give you something to parade around so that you can appear to have a soul!

Swing them on a swing once for the camera, then leave them so you can go off and have a drink and do more evil..

Mwahahaa
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#11
Youre on drugs arent you?
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#12
I don't like kids and have recently decided I will not have any.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
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But our Band is Listana
#13
The kids aren't alright
WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
#14
Most of the pit are poster children for forced birth control.

I've got 3 kids. They all turned out pretty good, likely in spite of my parental skills or lack thereof.


More seriously, having kids is every bad, inconvenient nightmare you've ever heard it was.

I wouldn't change it for anything. My kids mean more to me than anything else on the planet.
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#15
Quote by Arby911
I wouldn't change it for anything. My kids mean more to me than anything else on the planet.

Standard boiler plate.

I think we should be honest about kids and how much they ruin your life.

Which leads me to my next one: BIRTH CONTROL!!

Nothing can make a person want to procreate less than a whiny, pathetic, annoying kid. That should be sex ed, dump the class off at a day care..

Once they recover from the diarrhea they caught from being sprayed in the face with it, and the sinus infection they got from the kid who sneezed in their face just sit 'em down and be like,

"Don't do it, man. It's just not worth it."
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#16
Quote by Bubonic Chronic
Standard boiler plate.

I think we should be honest about kids and how much they ruin your life.

Which leads me to my next one: BIRTH CONTROL!!

Nothing can make a person want to procreate less than a whiny, pathetic, annoying kid. That should be sex ed, dump the class off at a day care..

Once they recover from the diarrhea they caught from being sprayed in the face with it, and the sinus infection they got from the kid who sneezed in their face just sit 'em down and be like,

"Don't do it, man. It's just not worth it."


Nothing you've said is wrong, but what I said is still true.

Kids suck.

I'd do it all over again.

Although admittedly the very thought of another one scared me so bad I made sure it wouldn't happen! (If my wife ends up pregnant now, she got some 'splainin to do!!)
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#17
I like the ones that are obedient and calm.

they usually turn out to be smart, chill adults.

the ones that have good, caring, understanding parents are the good ones.

the rest are little shits.

I am an uncle, and I love my nephew because i give him books to read and i teach him how to play guitar/piano.

He's a great kid.

I will probably never want kids of my own, cause kids are expensive and i'd rather just spend my money traveling and ahem more electronics pls.
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There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#18
Quote by Arby911
Most of the pit are poster children for forced birth control.

i wanna respond to this properly, but then I'd have to make a third A Formal Apology thread.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#20
Quote by Baby Joel
i wanna respond to this properly, but then I'd have to make a third A Formal Apology thread.


Do it in a PM, bring the heat, I can handle it...
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#22
I think kids are fantastic. If I had one I probably wouldn't be prepared for it, but I'd love it to death. I also like hanging out and teaching other people's kids. There's nothing more satisfying than explaining something to them in a way they can understand it, and seeing their near insatiable curiosity temporarily sated.
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#24
Kids are great and also awful.

I like babysitting my little bro some of the time because he's cool and stuff, but sometimes he screams and yells so much that it makes me want to shoot myself in the face right in front of him.
#25
Quote by institutions
Kids are great and also awful.

I like babysitting my little bro some of the time because he's cool and stuff, but sometimes he screams and yells so much that it makes me want to shoot myself in the face right in front of him.


if my niece starts being shitty i can pull the whole "but do u want to play metal gear tho" and shell get her act together and just play mgs2

you can tell she lives with me
#27
Quote by snipelfritz
they are damn tight.

Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#28
They're great when they're being all cute and shit but when you're working in a restaurant just tryna chill and cook and some little pterodactyl and its family descends upon your dining room and fills the entire room with its death shrieks while its mom tries to shove mac n cheese or some other kids menu abomination down its throat (or even worse when it's just shrieking about nothing) I just want to perform home surgery on my tubes and say I've always been infertile when I settle down

I do want kids but dear lord some people should not have them
#29
Oh, yeah, kids are great. I can save on gas by hitching a few of them to the front of a wagon and dangling a Snickers bar in front of them with a fishing pole. When they get tired or disillusioned I just swap 'em out for a fresh set. Plenty of unsupervised kids wandering around here.
#30
Quote by Rockford_rocks
and some little pterodactyl and its family descends upon your dining room and fills the entire room with its death shrieks


Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank