#1
So, I've been playing lead guitar and mandolin with this country singer and he wanted more original material, so I decided to try writing a song for him. Writing for a country idiom in mind is different in a lot of ways from writing my usual folk-rock type music. For one, you really have to strip back the subversion and metaphor and all that writing class stuff and put it a little more on the surface. So, here's my first shot at a straight country song. Let me know what you think.


Since I was a young boy, had a most curious mind
I’d have to tear apart whatever I could find
Computers, engines, watches all pried open or unscrewed
Quickest way I know of to discover what things do
Sometimes I break things, I break ’em just for fun
Then I walk away feeling proud of what I’ve done
I’d open with a crowbar, then watch it with a smirk
Sometimes I break things just to find out how they work

Some say I have a temper, and I guess that might be true
But I haven’t hit nobody yet and hope I never do
Sometimes the boss man has a way of getting in my head
But when he does I let my fist go through a wall instead
Sometimes I break thing, I break ‘em in a rage
There’s something in me I can’t always keep inside its cage
Built up over weeks and weeks, I’d never let it show
Sometimes I break things so it has a place to go

So, girl I want to warn you what might come from loving me
I can’t promise that right by your side I’ll always be
Proceed with caution, ‘cause I’ve always been the same
You should know so that I’m not the only one to blame
Sometimes I break things and I plan to all along
Because happy endings make for awfully boring songs
Sometimes I break things just to watch them fall apart
Sometimes I break things so be careful with your heart
#2
LOVED this song. great lyrics, very well written, and relatable. Good job! I hope to read more from you in the future!
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#4
You know who else breaks things? Fred Durst.
Gear: Gibson Les Paul Studio, Gibson SG Special, Fender Stratocaster, Fender Telecaster, Fender Jazzmaster, Gretsch Pro Jet, Carvin C350, Epiphone ES-339 P90, Epiphone ES-335 Pro. Peavey 6505, Sovtek MIG-100, Vox AC30, Peavey XXX.
#5
Okay, now to be helpful. I like what you have written. However, I think you have three different songs going on here. They are all linked by this common theme of breaking things - I get that.

However, you have this nostaligic childhood struggle thing in the first part. Then a working man anthem in the second part. And then a troubled relationship ballad in the third part. The breaking things ties them all together, but very loosely... what is the heart of the song?

Always ask yourself - what is the one main point that I want to make with this song? You have a broad theme weaving throughout the content... but not a point, the application is too scattered. You're trying to hit too many targets. Figure out the point - what is the one thing you want the listener to take away after listening to the song for the first time. When they hear this song, what is the verse that is going to stick in their head. What is the one verse that drives this song home and holds it all together. Where are you taking them in their mind with this song. What do you want them to see in their own life. If they don't know the title to the song, or forget it, if they were to ask you to play it... what verse would they say to you?

Are you driving them to nostalgia? Are you driving them to reflect on their current circumstances as someone working hard, driving through the dirt of life to make ends meet in the face of adversity? Or are you dealing with human relationships and the challenges that come with flawed and hurt people trying to work things out? What is going to make it stick to the listener, what is going to keep playing over and over in their head?

Dunno if that helps, just my opinion and advice. But, keep up the work. Best of luck.
Gear: Gibson Les Paul Studio, Gibson SG Special, Fender Stratocaster, Fender Telecaster, Fender Jazzmaster, Gretsch Pro Jet, Carvin C350, Epiphone ES-339 P90, Epiphone ES-335 Pro. Peavey 6505, Sovtek MIG-100, Vox AC30, Peavey XXX.