#1
So I was visiting my parents last weekend. My mom and I decided to take a little stroll, and we walked past this guy who greeted us. As we were walking along, my mom told me that apparently this guy had been her gynaecologist at the time of my sister's birth. So I was like 'ok, cool'. At this point, my mom thought it a good idea to basically inform me that this was the guy who "introduced a sharp object in her naughty region" (she was more direct in her phrasing) when my sister's head seemed to be too large to pop out properly.

Now I'm generally very open-minded, but hearing about some dude cutting into my mom's no-no parts is a bit much even for me.

What are some things you really wish someone hadn't told you?

And I'm sure some of you will find humorous ways of saying you'd wreck my mom harder than any pair of scissors ever could
Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; man got to tell himself he understand.


#2
Quote by ultimate-slash
And I'm sure some of you will find humorous ways of saying you'd wreck my mom harder than any pair of scissors ever could
Oh I know a thing or two about those loose lips of hers.
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Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#4
Quote by ultimate-slash
What are some things you really wish someone hadn't told you?

That your momma gives goodnight kisses with the same mouth she gives your dad blowjobs with.
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You can tell if it's eager, because you put your hand down her pants and it feels like a horse eating oats.

Nicest compliment on my looks:
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Putting the 'sex' in 'convicted sex offender'.
#5
This one time, I read this thread about this guy who told a story about something his mother said. It was boring, and I wish I could take back the time I wasted.
#6
This one time, I read this post about this guy who had read this thread about this guy who told a story about something his mother said. It was boring, and I wish I could take back the time I wasted
will someone carry me across ten thousand miles under the silence
#7
Quote by Baby Joel
This one time, I read this post about this guy who had read this thread about this guy who told a story about something his mother said. It was boring, and I wish I could take back the time I wasted

This is a good post and I do not regret reading it.
Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; man got to tell himself he understand.


#8
After walking in on your parents over 5 times as an adult, you tend to not care about these things anymore. Desensitization is a wonderful thing.
“The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Last edited by DamienEx1021 at May 27, 2015,
#10
when I was like 12. I overheard my sisters talking about sex stuff they had done


I noped the **** right out of there
#12
I should clarify that the fact my mom has a vagina or whatever doesn't freak me out. It's just that event of being introduced to the guy who cut into said vagina that made me think 'well, I think I would have been ok with skipping this moment...'
Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; man got to tell himself he understand.


Last edited by ultimate-slash at May 27, 2015,
#13
"Looking for a man to cum inside of me so I can wipe my goopy vagina along the ******* floor and pretend I'm a slug."

tinder can be a ****ed place.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#14
Quote by Pastafarian96
"Looking for a man to cum inside of me so I can wipe my goopy vagina along the ******* floor and pretend I'm a slug."

tinder can be a ****ed place.



I now have a mental image of some random woman in dark bodypaint sliding her milky nether regions across the carpet like a dog with worms, screaming "CIS scum, accept my slugsona!"
Hey, look. Sigs are back.
#15
Quote by DisarmGoliath


I now have a mental image of some random woman in dark bodypaint sliding her milky nether regions across the carpet like a dog with worms, screaming "CIS scum, accept my slugsona!"

A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#16
Quote by DamienEx1021
After walking in on your parents over 5 times as an adult, you tend to not care about these things anymore. Desensitization is a wonderful thing.


did you join them?
#17
Quote by MeGaDeth2314
when I was like 12. I overheard my sisters talking about sex stuff they had done


I noped the **** right out of there


did you join them?
#18
mom came home today, told how she has to change her clothes cuz her period soaked through her undies and pants

...i was making lunch. fvck you mom


Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
#19
My mom will randomly announce that she has to take a shit. Just like everyone at my middle school.
Quote by DisarmGoliath
Facesitting is a violation of freedom of speech, because how can you speak when you have an ass covering your face?
#20
Look mom I don't care that we're both adults now and I don't care that we watch a show as sex-filled as Game of Thrones together you are still my mother and that means that I do not in a million years want to hear about your sex life
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#21
Quote by USCENDONE BENE
I am that gynaecologist.

10/10 would snip again.

I didn't read the OP properly so until I saw this I assumed the pair of scissors was some kind of bondage thing...
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3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

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I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#22
My one friend's then girlfriend would always randomly tell me detailed descriptions about their sex life. I was always like "why are you telling me this?"
#24
Quote by darkwolf291
I've heard my mom and step-dad going at it numerous times.
Most times, I just turn on my clean amp, kick on the wah, and play porn music.
Couple seconds later I hear laughter and they stop



reminds me of the time I was at a friends house when I was like 9 for a birthday and their parents were having sex in the next room when we were trying to go to sleep and all we heard was the bed slamming against the wall with every thrust.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#25
Quote by darkwolf291
I've heard my mom and step-dad going at it numerous times.
Most times, I just turn on my clean amp, kick on the wah, and play porn music.
Couple seconds later I hear laughter and they stop


If I have a kid I hope they do this.

I'd be like fvck yeah and continue with gusto

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#27
My dad's penis is massive tho yeah, all of us have literally been all up in there
Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; man got to tell himself he understand.


#29
When I was 12 I walked into me mam and dads room while dad was plowing her. They had moved the bed in front of the door so it didn't open much, but between the confusion and fright he got, I think he shot his load, and to this day I'm convinced that's how my little brother was conceived.
Otherwise you know, he could have been swallowed or shot into a sock.
Dude owes me big time.
#30
Nice. Looking out for your bro even before you have a bro
Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; man got to tell himself he understand.


#32
Quote by UltimateGuizar
When I was 12 I walked into me mam and dads room while dad was plowing her. They had moved the bed in front of the door so it didn't open much, but between the confusion and fright he got, I think he shot his load, and to this day I'm convinced that's how my little brother was conceived.
Otherwise you know, he could have been swallowed or shot into a sock.
Dude owes me big time.
This reminds me of a friend I had who said he was whacking it and all of the sudden his wall had fallen down and his parents were doing it in the other room and they all just stared at each other for a while.

He's also claims he dreamed his mom came into his room one night and 'rattlesnaked' his penor and his father shouted "I haven't got your mother to do that in years!".
Quote by SGstriker
If KFC is finger-licking good, then people would probably suck dicks for Popeyes. That's how good it is.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#33
Quote by icanhasgodmode
That your momma gives goodnight kisses with the same mouth she gives your dad blowjobs with.

ok


thats enough
#34
Just remember, you came out of your "mom's no-no parts" on the day you were born. That's more of a "hey, don't tell me" than the gynecologist story.
Skip the username, call me Billy