#1
slowly putting together a collection of some kind. here's one I have mixed feelings about:


[font="Arial"]I started calling her that one night when there was another attempt on her father’s life

Once I dreamed Baopei started writing poetry
(this much was understood) she was in a car
that was full of darkness, a slate gray
like storms.                        In the seat
next to her was a suitcase, her cigarette 
pierced the dark & I realized
it was in my hand as well as hers.
It looked like her hand, her hair falling
down around my face, her journey
but my suitcase, my poems,
my eyes looking down.
[/font]
#2
your imagery is inviting and impressive as always. my big issue with this is that Baopei is an insular character with whom i can't connect. like a character i'm supposed to know already, but i don't; so the transformation at the end falls flat for me because i had no investment in her journey. it was a good read though, i just think it could use some rounding out.
#3
Sorta on board with NGD1313, but I think the exploration needs to come out in the texture, I am invested in the storyline and conclusion, but there is not enough tension or dynamic beforehand.

The main thing that sticks out to me is the piercing cigarette, which is the catalyst for the movement but in itself does not move - I think it should. There should be more weight and space between the "writing poetry" and the "darkness". The space between the storms and the seat is fantastic though.