#1
So in history at the moment I'm studying civil rights and today I was working on some of that while a black kid I know was talking about what he'd name his kids. He was throwing around a couple of dumb suggestions and I just chose a name off the top of my head "Jim" then 5 seconds later without me really thinking about it I followed that up with "Crow" because I was still paying attention to my work. I fully acknowledge that this is like the worst thing I've said in years but me and the one person who was paying enough attention to hear found it hilarious.

What hilarious but also awful faux pas have you committed?
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Youre officially uber shit now.

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3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#2
once i was annoying my dad (who's in a wheelchair) and he said something about kicking my ass and i was like "oh really? you're gonna kick me?" with a big smirk

made a crappy "your mom does x" joke to some annoying kid in high school. he turned around in his seat and got really quiet and someone else says "dude, his mom's dead"

i just made a Jim face at everyone.


aaaand i have a knack for ramming my foot in my mouth when talking to cute girls. too many times to remember each specific instance, but there was one occasion i remember where some girl was looking for a seat and all these guys were offering seats near themselves.

of course my stupid brain thinks "seat? sit. ok, now add a preposition and a noun"

and i blurt out "SIT ON MY FACE"
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#3
Jake I'm sorry but that's hilarious (@sit on my face)

one time in the canteen queue some asked "is that a caesar salad?" and I just out of nowhere said "well it's not my dick"
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#4
Quote by Pastafarian96

one time in the canteen queue some asked "is that a caesar salad?" and I just out of nowhere said "well it's not my dick"




That's not even a faux pas, that's just ****ing funny
ayy lmao
#5
I asked this guy who rolled into a club in a wheelchair if it was real. In my shitfaced state I thought it might've been a gag. Turns out he was a veteran. And I'm a jerkoff.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#6
>talking with friend
>talks about how she's partying too hard and whatnot
>she says it's peer pressure
>I say, "well, once you get your life stabilised, all those friends will die of cancer"

in that very moment, right as I finished my sentence, I remembered that she legit has cancer

no recovery. Honestly no matter what, just gotta put up the white flag and feel like dirt
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#7
Quote by Baby Joel
>talking with friend
>talks about how she's partying too hard and whatnot
>she says it's peer pressure
>I say, "well, once you get your life stabilised, all those friends will die of cancer"

in that very moment, right as I finished my sentence, I remembered that she legit has cancer

no recovery. Honestly no matter what, just gotta put up the white flag and feel like dirt

omg
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#8
Quote by Baby Joel
>talking with friend
>talks about how she's partying too hard and whatnot
>she says it's peer pressure
>I say, "well, once you get your life stabilised, all those friends will die of cancer"

in that very moment, right as I finished my sentence, I remembered that she legit has cancer

no recovery. Honestly no matter what, just gotta put up the white flag and feel like dirt

Yikes man. Don't have anything to really contribute but that's terrible.
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We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#9
Quote by Pastafarian96
one time in the canteen queue some asked "is that a caesar salad?" and I just out of nowhere said "well it's not my dick"

legit lol'd at this

@babby i was like then i was like D:

just remembered another one:

i had just started at Rutgers and this really cute punk girl who lived on my floor (who i developed a huge crush on then blew it and burned that bridge because that's what i do) asked me what school i went to.

i was high as hell and gave her a confused look, pointed at the building we both lived in and said "i go here"

couldn't figure out what she was laughing at for a good minute.

and not so much a faux pas, (and i might have told this story before) but this girl came onto me and we hooked up and made out in her room for a half hour.

i had been celebrating my weekly, disgusting "Pecocet Monday" and was out of my face on painkillers.

we stopped for a while and kind of sat there. she kept sighing.

eventually she says "i think i'm going to bed"

i said "ok" and walked out, oblivious.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
Last edited by jakesmellspoo at Jul 13, 2015,
#10
Quote by jakesmellspoo

of course my stupid brain thinks "seat? sit. ok, now add a preposition and a noun"

and i blurt out "SIT ON MY FACE"





The caps made that so much better.
#11
Made a "your mum" joke to my ex, remembered her mum was dead just as I finished the sentence, not sure if she didn't hear or wanted to help me get out of it so she was like "what?" and I was just like "nothing" and then made this face

dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#12
Quote by jakesmellspoo
i had just started at Rutgers and this really cute punk girl who lived on my floor (who i developed a huge crush on then blew it and burned that bridge because that's what i do) asked me what school i went to.

i was high as hell and gave her a confused look, pointed at the building we both lived in and said "i go here"

couldn't figure out what she was laughing at for a good minute.



someone once asked how I was and I responded "over there"

Someone else sneezed and I said thankyou

I sang "Hitler Has Only Got One Ball" In front of a guy that lost one of his testicles.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#13
Quote by Pastafarian96 at #33499937
one time in the canteen queue some asked "is that a caesar salad?" and I just out of nowhere said "well it's not my dick"

That's fucking hilarious.
Free Ali
Free Lard
#14
There must be some sort of psychological anomaly where you're more likely to use a 'your mum' joke when the person's mum is dead. I said it once to a school friend and half way through saying 'your mum' I realised and turned the sentence into 'your mum...is a very nice lady'
you cant spell manslaughter without laughter


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#15
I misread title as Faux puns and was prepared to make fox puns.
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You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#16
I'm 34. I couldn't possibly remember all of them. Or even most.
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Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#17
When I was 13 I tried to distract my friend while we were playing call of duty and I shouted out your parents are getting a divorce. 3 days later his parents tell him they are going to be getting divorced
e-married to Jack (bladez)
#18
I once confused an incredibly butch lady for a man, in the sense that when I was at work I said "Can I help you Sir?"

That didn't go down well.....in my defence, I had my glasses on, and she was standing a few metres away, and my glasses only work for short range stuff, so it was kinda blurry.


She still looked like a man after I took my glasses off anyway

Quote by tard on tour
There must be some sort of psychological anomaly where you're more likely to use a 'your mum' joke when the person's mum is dead. I said it once to a school friend and half way through saying 'your mum' I realised and turned the sentence into 'your mum...is a very nice lady'


Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
Last edited by i_lovemetallica at Jul 14, 2015,
#20
Not mine but:

Several weeks ago I was visiting Berlin as part of my summer vacation. I was very happy to be in the city, to have the opportunity to practice the language, enjoy the culture, do tourist things. One day I decided to visit the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. I get up, go to the memorial, do the line and enter.

I'm not a person who expresses his emotions nor is affected by things. So, as I walked through the memorial and read the stories I kept my standard face as people around me began to cry. I walked into the second room, where you could read letters that victims wrote to family members. More people began to cry, and, I have to admit, one of the letters affected me. I didn't cry but I was sad after reading it.

As I progress through the memorial more people started to cry and after a while I finished the memorial. As I headed to the exit I saw that there was a little donation box next to the door. Without thinking I scoffed and said in a silent room full of emotional people: "typical Jews. Always asking for money".
The second I finished that sentence my eyes opened as if I had seen a ghost and I could feel the gaze and shock of other people. I hurried my way out of the memorial, ashamed and began to go up the stairs. There I saw a teenager, crying his eyes out. At that moment I felt the weight of my **** up. Here was a kid, probably Jewish, crying because of what his people, and most likely his family, had suffered and I mocked them in a place of remembrance. I still cringe when I think of it.
TLDR: I was an anti-Semite in a Holocaust Memorial
#21
Quote by DardySon
Not mine but:

Several weeks ago I was visiting Berlin as part of my summer vacation. I was very happy to be in the city, to have the opportunity to practice the language, enjoy the culture, do tourist things. One day I decided to visit the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. I get up, go to the memorial, do the line and enter.

I'm not a person who expresses his emotions nor is affected by things. So, as I walked through the memorial and read the stories I kept my standard face as people around me began to cry. I walked into the second room, where you could read letters that victims wrote to family members. More people began to cry, and, I have to admit, one of the letters affected me. I didn't cry but I was sad after reading it.

As I progress through the memorial more people started to cry and after a while I finished the memorial. As I headed to the exit I saw that there was a little donation box next to the door. Without thinking I scoffed and said in a silent room full of emotional people: "typical Jews. Always asking for money".
The second I finished that sentence my eyes opened as if I had seen a ghost and I could feel the gaze and shock of other people. I hurried my way out of the memorial, ashamed and began to go up the stairs. There I saw a teenager, crying his eyes out. At that moment I felt the weight of my **** up. Here was a kid, probably Jewish, crying because of what his people, and most likely his family, had suffered and I mocked them in a place of remembrance. I still cringe when I think of it.
TLDR: I was an anti-Semite in a Holocaust Memorial


jfc.....who on earth would do that?
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#22
Quote by DardySon
Not mine but:

Several weeks ago I was visiting Berlin as part of my summer vacation. I was very happy to be in the city, to have the opportunity to practice the language, enjoy the culture, do tourist things. One day I decided to visit the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. I get up, go to the memorial, do the line and enter.

I'm not a person who expresses his emotions nor is affected by things. So, as I walked through the memorial and read the stories I kept my standard face as people around me began to cry. I walked into the second room, where you could read letters that victims wrote to family members. More people began to cry, and, I have to admit, one of the letters affected me. I didn't cry but I was sad after reading it.

As I progress through the memorial more people started to cry and after a while I finished the memorial. As I headed to the exit I saw that there was a little donation box next to the door. Without thinking I scoffed and said in a silent room full of emotional people: "typical Jews. Always asking for money".
The second I finished that sentence my eyes opened as if I had seen a ghost and I could feel the gaze and shock of other people. I hurried my way out of the memorial, ashamed and began to go up the stairs. There I saw a teenager, crying his eyes out. At that moment I felt the weight of my **** up. Here was a kid, probably Jewish, crying because of what his people, and most likely his family, had suffered and I mocked them in a place of remembrance. I still cringe when I think of it.
TLDR: I was an anti-Semite in a Holocaust Memorial

You just gained a reputation on UG.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#23
He may as well have just wiped his arse with someone's Tallit
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#24
Quote by DardySon
Not mine but:

Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#25
actually it's almost as bad as my caesar salad story is funny.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#26
It wasn't me guys. I just saw it on reddit yesterday.

I will admit that I did laugh when I read it though. Partly due to just the sheer are you fucking kidding me but also cos I have a really messed up sense of humour.
#27
^ that's kinda reassuring.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#28
Quote by Pastafarian96
actually it's almost as bad as my caesar salad story is funny.


Caesar salad story???
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#29
post no.3 in this thread
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#30
Dated an arican american, she said she was going whitewater rafting... Asked if shes a decent swimmer, (because you know being a decent swimmer is a somewhat usefull skill in the event your ass goes overboard) forgot negitive stereotype about swimming doesnt end well.
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I was incredibly drunk and only really remember writing a fanfic where ESP was getting porked by a pony.

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I'd honestly fap to anything with a set of genitals as long as I find it aesthetically appealing.
#31
Quote by losing battle
Dated an arican american, she said she was going whitewater rafting... Asked if shes a decent swimmer, (because you know being a decent swimmer is a somewhat usefull skill in the event your ass goes overboard) forgot negitive stereotype about swimming doesnt end well.

Did you ask in a very standard way "Can you swim well?"
Or did you say "Can you swim well?"


It's like that one Seinfeld joke It's all about how you say it


If you said it the first way, then **** her
#32
Quote by i_lovemetallica
I once confused an incredibly butch lady for a man, in the sense that when I was at work I said "Can I help you Sir?"

That didn't go down well.....in my defence, I had my glasses on, and she was standing a few metres away, and my glasses only work for short range stuff, so it was kinda blurry.

I've had the opposite done to me, back when I still had my metal kid hair...
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#33
Quote by bdof
Did you ask in a very standard way "Can you swim well?"
Or did you say "Can you swim well?"


It's like that one Seinfeld joke It's all about how you say it


If you said it the first way, then **** her

Really, eh should have aksed how she was at holding her breath, and if he could help her practice.
Quote by K33nbl4d3
I've had the opposite done to me, back when I still had my metal kid hair...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZx1mUaosCI
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#34
Quote by Pastafarian96
one time in the canteen queue some asked "is that a caesar salad?" and I just out of nowhere said "well it's not my dick"

still hilarious
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day