#1
Hey guys, I'm just a lover of rock and metal music. I wrote this song last weekend to express the emotions i have towards my current state in life. Please let me know what you think of the song!

I'm not a professional musician or singer, but it would be really appreciated if you could provide feedback for me to improve.

https://soundcloud.com/mike-yulin-zhang/breathless-life-remixed

https://youtu.be/tAZiGqzO1DA

Mike

Breathless Life

i’m standing right here, losing control of my senses
Thinking of the things you’ve done and said to me
Like daggers in the flesh, they don’t go away.
Like breaking my tomb and burning my bones

Standing right here, i’m living your life
what you think of me is burying me down
i need to run, i need to hide
gotta break away from this breathless (worthless) life

I’m breaking apart, i’m going to die
removing part of me that’s never supposed to be alive
i need to run, i need to hide
gotta break away from this worthless life

Just a shadow of you i can't pretend
I’m bleeding inside cuz i’m not even trying
Facing death now I’m full of regrets
Give me back my life i’ll live it again

Standing right here, i’m living my life
what you think of me is burying me down
i need to run, i need to hide
gotta break away from this breathless life

I’m breaking apart, i’m going to die
removing part of me that’s never supposed to be alive
i need to run, i need to hide
gotta break away from this worthless life
Last edited by yulinzm at Jul 17, 2015,
#2
i think you're off to a good start! i would suggest adding more parts to it, it just seems like there is a lot more you could do with this song rhythmically. Maybe turn down the vocals a little bit as well so they dont overpower the instruments. i would like to hear what else you come up with, keep it up!
please take a moment to give me some feedback
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1680646
#3
a very solid attempt man! If you record and mix it properly in a studio it's going to sound very good. I really like the emotion and feeling, which is the backbone of good music if you ask me.

One thing about your composition that struck me as weird, though. When you start out with the lyrics you go over the top with the emotion because your music through this bit doesn't quite back up what you sing or maybe because you sing low notes too loud to make them sound as higher pitch notes (which your favourite bands sing in the openin lines like that).

If you ask me, there are 2 possible solutions here:

1) change the instrumental part to go better with the words you sing. (you can hit the keys harder or strum your chord in a brisker kind of way and let it ring out).

2) change the notes of your current melody to make it higher. Of course you'll have to learn to reach them and that could be hard in some cases but then you could tinker around with the key of the song to match your vocal range.

Overall, you mostly sing in your speaking range and try to create with your voice the emotion that is created by head voice (high notes) of your favourite singers. The power of a note is created mostly by its pitch not by intensity!! The intensity and quality of your voice will NATURALLY change when you sing a high note properly (if you do it improperly it will make you cringe). You can obviously learn to do it at home by watching videos and copying your favourite singers. Remember that it's all about pitch. Soft and mellow parts sit low in pitch because when you sing low your voice carries a lot of that quality that makes people trust you but the chorus is similar to a lift-off. To lift off you need to go up and your voice needs to soar. The effect of a soaring voice is 99% powerful headvoice (you have it too now because you sound good in your speaking range, but you need more of it for higher notes to really 'take off').

As WastedWill said you are off to a very good start!!! Just keep on practicing and you'll get there.

Hope this is helpful
#4
Thank you guys!

WastedWill - I have lowered my vocal volume in the track and reattached the link. I think it sounds better now as the music is much more clear. Thank you!

Sound Crowd - I actually tried to sing at a higher pitch, but you are right I am still within my speaking range which is my comfort zone. I really like singers like Sebastian Bach but it is so hard to sing at such a pitch while maintaining stability of the voice!
#5
Sorry, my bad. You do use high notes but they don't sound the way you want them to because you forgot to switch into your head voice here.

On the bright side, it's the only thing that keeps your songs from delivering what you want to deliver! You've already supplied the rest. It takes many people a lifetime to get where you are now lyrically and musically and you only need to extend your vocal range a little bit! Physiologically, anyone can sing notes as high up as G or A (think 3rd and 5th fret of your high E string).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aAnLcQJJHs

The chorus here that starts with the word temptation is technically enough to activate your head voice and it doesn't sound all that high! Compared to the freaking crazy parts sung in near-falsetto!!
#6
Thank you! I'll definitely make a note of that and keep practising.