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#1
So basically i grew up in a family of 6 with only 1 parent having income, and it wasn't very much. Not poverty status, but there have been times in my life where canned stew and value village clothing were what we got by on. Everything i have in my life i've earned through working for myself. I've put myself through university and don't get handouts. If it sounds like there's a chip on my shoulder, well, there is.

My parents are currently in the process of adopting this kid from Ukraine. Not a kid anymore actually, he's 21 or 22 now. They've been trying to get him since he was 10 or 11.

Am I an ass hole for not wanting it to happen and resenting my parents for wanting to bring in another kid who has stunted social skills from being an orphan in a rough country his whole life? That I believe the 4 kids they have should be their top priority first and taking care of them should come before a kid on the other side of the globe who doesn't bring a whole lot other than a new set of troubles to our family? Like on the one hand, it's great that my parents are "rescuing" (a relative term, honestly) him, but on the other hand, i just can't help how i feel with regards to believing it would be a mistake.

Now all this time i've been hoping i move far away before any of it goes down, but the timetable has recently been moved up significantly and now the adopted kid could be here by September.

What do you guys think? Am i justified in feeling the way i do? How would you feel in my position?
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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#2
sure you can feel that way. its not going to change anything though and its pointless to focus on it.
#4
...you can adopt an adult....???


^goddamn you chris

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#6
Yes, you can, if you want them to legally be part of your family and take your last name and all that shit
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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#7
You can adopt an adult? Weird.

You shouldn't have a chip on your shoulder - those with a chip on their shoulder are THE WORST. However it's perfectly fair to feel a little weird over something like this and be aware of when people are taking advantage of your parents.

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#8
might be a thing where they assume guardianship to get the guy to come to beautiful not-Ukraine america? idk

oh. but you can't assume guardianship

idk. maybe low-functioning illness?
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#9
Ace I would be fucking pissed.

This is living above their means, and it's even worse because they're not living above their means with materialistic things, but rather with the family itself. If you're struggling to feed and clothe the children you already have, it should be illegal for you to have more, adopted or not.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#10
Quote by EndTheRapture51
You can adopt an adult? Weird.

You shouldn't have a chip on your shoulder - those with a chip on their shoulder are THE WORST. However it's perfectly fair to feel a little weird over something like this and be aware of when people are taking advantage of your parents.


I can't help it. You wouldn't be able to tell anyways in normal life stuff. I just strongly dislike people who were born with a silver spoon and have every material thing they could want but are still shitty fukhead people. Unless im having a conversation specifically about it, it's not like i broadcast it in day to day life lol. But when some shitty 18 year old fukhead rolls up in the mercedes he got for his 16th birthday and then acts like an entitled shit head, yeah i dont like that and go out of my way to avoid these people
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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#11
Oh yeah I don't like that either I wouldn't say that's having a chip on your shoulder though

Having a chip on your shoulder is people who think the world is against them in almost every situation because they're poor/black/rich/a woman/a redneck

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#12
Quote by Xiaoxi
Ace I would be fucking pissed.

This is living above their means, and it's even worse because they're not living above their means with materialistic things, but rather with the family itself. If you're struggling to feed and clothe the children you already have, it should be illegal for you to have more, adopted or not.


Well it's not living above their means nowadays, moreso when they first wanted to get him 11 or so years ago. Like we have a decent house in a decent neighbourhood and there's always decent food on the table and my dad makes more money now than he did back then, i just strongly feel that they shouldn't be investing into another kid that's not even theirs. The shitty part is that I have to pretend to be going along with it and I'll be expected to be a "big brother" to him and stuff, which i have no ****ing intention of doing.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#13
Quote by Acϵ♠
Well it's not living above their means nowadays, moreso when they first wanted to get him 11 or so years ago. Like we have a decent house in a decent neighbourhood and there's always decent food on the table and my dad makes more money now than he did back then, i just strongly feel that they shouldn't be investing into another kid that's not even theirs. The shitty part is that I have to pretend to be going along with it and I'll be expected to be a "big brother" to him and stuff, which i have no ****ing intention of doing.

Well in any case, I would still be pissed. It just doesn't make sense why they're bringing in an outsider when they historically struggled to provide for blood...

Why are they so hellbent on adopting some Russian krokodil adult?!

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#14
I don't think the fact that they were poor in the past matters at all. But it does suck that ace has to work and earn everything for himself while this adopted kid presumably does not.
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#16
the human mind can justify anything is the right circumstances.
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#17
Quote by Xiaoxi
Well in any case, I would still be pissed. It just doesn't make sense why they're bringing in an outsider when they historically struggled to provide for blood...

Why are they so hellbent on adopting some Russian krokodil adult?!


Dude i have no idea. No idea. They go to Ukraine once a year to provide relief around the country for orphanages and shit like that, and at one of them they met this kid. No ****ing clue why they decided we should adopt him, it's baffled me for over a decade.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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#18
1. Have you considered that maybe your mom has a thing for him?
2. If "the kid" was a hot Ukrainian chick, would you feel the same?

These are legit questions.
this
#19
Did they budget accordingly, and can afford to make investments for their biological kids to go to college/etc.?


If so, stop resenting.
.
#20
Your parents should have done the wise thing, which is following mainstream society and just talk about how we should help people in foreign countries who have it worse.


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#22
I very well understand that Ace feels he's replaced he can get my sentiment for that, but I feel it's also amicable of his parents.

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Last edited by xxdarrenxx at Jul 17, 2015,
#23
iirc you're an asshole for other reasons so we'll just throw this one into the pot and call it a stew.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#24
Quote by MetalMullet
1. Have you considered that maybe your mom has a thing for him?
2. If "the kid" was a hot Ukrainian chick, would you feel the same?

These are legit questions.


you're an idiot lol. there is nothing legit about those questions.


Quote by Fat Lard
Did they budget accordingly, and can afford to make investments for their biological kids to go to college/etc.?


If so, stop resenting.


Did they budget accordingly for what? And no, they have no investments to speak of, let alone saving enough money to put 4 kids through university. Im the only one in the family that went to post secondary school, because i was the only one that worked to pay my way. My parents help all 4 of us when and where they can, it's not like they are bad parents or anything lol they're actually very good and loving parents. Just thin on money.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#25
Quote by Acϵ♠
you're an idiot lol. there is nothing legit about those questions.


Did they budget accordingly for what? And no, they have no investments to speak of, let alone saving enough money to put 4 kids through university. Im the only one in the family that went to post secondary school, because i was the only one that worked to pay my way. My parents help all 4 of us when and where they can, it's not like they are bad parents or anything lol they're actually very good and loving parents. Just thin on money.


Well are your siblings actually smart? Like, can they get scholarships based on their grades?


If not, if I were you I'd try talking some sense to them, and see if they can help their biological childrens' futures first before trying to save some random guy they don't even know
.
#26
Quote by MetalMullet
1. Have you considered that maybe your mom has a thing for him?
2. If "the kid" was a hot Ukrainian chick, would you feel the same?

These are legit questions.


I'd like op to answer these questions

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#27
Quote by Fat Lard
Well are your siblings actually smart? Like, can they get scholarships based on their grades?


If not, if I were you I'd try talking some sense to them, and see if they can help their biological childrens' futures first before trying to save some random guy they don't even know


Lol scholarships don't quite work like that here. You'd have to have like a 90+ average to get a full scholarship. Full scholarships are pretty rare here.

There will be no talking sense into them. Everyone knows about the adoption, it's way too far into the process, they can't just say "oh well too bad we've changed our minds" and scrap the whole idea even if they listened to me, which they wouldn't, it would just drive a big wedge between us.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#28
i'd make no attempt to understand them or help them with the adoption. but i'd try not to make a big fuss about it either. just pretend they have some incurable strain of adoptionitis or something; nothing you can do about it except love them despite that.
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#29
Quote by Acϵ♠
you're an idiot lol. there is nothing legit about those questions.


Did they budget accordingly for what? And no, they have no investments to speak of, let alone saving enough money to put 4 kids through university. Im the only one in the family that went to post secondary school, because i was the only one that worked to pay my way. My parents help all 4 of us when and where they can, it's not like they are bad parents or anything lol they're actually very good and loving parents. Just thin on money.

oh okay. i still think you're handling this like an asshole but now i kinda agree that they shouldn't adopt
#30
I don't know why it's such a bad thing as long as they understand that he has to make his own way moreso than you and your siblings.


I don't think you're an asshole for being pissed. I would be as well. I think you would be an asshole if you took it out on him, especially if he genuinely isn't trying to exploit your family. I don't think anyone wants to be in a situation where they're adopted and then end up being resented for being helped. It's really admirable of your parents as people I guess, they just forgot to ask what kind of statement they're creating as parents.


Also, can you adopt me as well? I can sort of sing and dance.
#31
Quote by Acϵ♠
Lol scholarships don't quite work like that here. You'd have to have like a 90+ average to get a full scholarship. Full scholarships are pretty rare here.

There will be no talking sense into them. Everyone knows about the adoption, it's way too far into the process, they can't just say "oh well too bad we've changed our minds" and scrap the whole idea even if they listened to me, which they wouldn't, it would just drive a big wedge between us.


Play your parents this greasy song, before it's too late!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKwsvHkvJU0
.
#32
Quote by JamSessionFreak
oh okay. i still think you're handling this like an asshole
Asshole = not being a doormat. Fine by me.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#34
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
Also, can you adopt me as well? I can sort of sing and dance.

Are you willing to perform for an audience, accompanied on stage by bears on unicycles?
#35
There's a real simple realization that you can come to that will solve this "dilemma" for you.

Your parents don't owe you shit. Nothing. Zip. Nada. They have fed, clothed and housed you because they cared, not because they had to. You could have been dropped off at a police station or firehouse when you were born, but they CHOSE to keep you around.

If you don't like it, move the **** out. Get your own place. Get a job. You don't owe them anything either. Unless you choose to stay, in which case you owe them respect, both for what they are providing and for their decisions.

Your anger is the product of an entitlement mentality, even if you don't recognize it as such.
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#36
I don't blame Ace for being pissed off. I'm pretty sure I'd be if I was in his place.
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#37
Quote by Acϵ♠
But when some shitty 18 year old fukhead rolls up in the mercedes he got for his 16th birthday

This is almost me.
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#38
Quote by Arby911
There's a real simple realization that you can come to that will solve this "dilemma" for you.

Your parents don't owe you shit. Nothing. Zip. Nada. They have fed, clothed and housed you because they cared, not because they had to. You could have been dropped off at a police station or firehouse when you were born, but they CHOSE to keep you around.

If you don't like it, move the **** out. Get your own place. Get a job. You don't owe them anything either. Unless you choose to stay, in which case you owe them respect, both for what they are providing and for their decisions.

Your anger is the product of an entitlement mentality, even if you don't recognize it as such.


I know you and I are products of entirely different generations, so I don't expect us to see eye to eye here, but i dont know why you would lump me in with the "entitled" group. It's pretty obvious to anyone that's ever read any of my posts that this clearly isn't the case. If anything I'm the antithesis of entitled. It's also not anger that I feel, not remotely. I have nothing to be angry about towards my parents.

My parents not owing me anything has nothing to do with this either, lol. What exactly do you think I believe I am owed? Do you really think I wouldn't just love to move out right now and get my own place? Of course I would, but I need to finish school first. It's not as easy as you think it is (or how easy it was for you back in 1981) to move out and get your own place these days. Believe me money is being put aside for it so it's easier when the time comes.

Basically your old man "you damn kids and your entitlement" rant is way the fk off and inapplicable to me for many reasons

edit: also, without throwing this thread right off the rails, your approach to parenting is stupid as hell. If you decide to bring a child into the world, yes you absolutely DO owe them everything. You are responsible for that life, you created it. Abandoning children is not a viable option as you seem to think it is, let alone leaving an infant at a police station. Parents owe their children love and affection and a stable environment, that's what you agree to by voluntarily having a child. Conversely, the child owes the parents everything. Everything.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

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Last edited by Acϵ♠ at Jul 17, 2015,
#40


I don't think you're acting entitled or like an asshole in the least, ftr. I'd be even more upset than you if I was in your shoes, since my schizophrenic older half-brother was basically disowned by my dad. So if he were to turn around and be like "oh I'm gonna do a good deed and adopt someone from a less privileged country (who happens to be an adult at this point lmao)" it'd make him the biggest cunt alive
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