Page 1 of 2
#1
Hey guys. Any of you ever sorta feel like while you're a pretty average person you don't seem to have the same social skills as those around you? Not necessarily out of fear or shyness but simply out of inherent nature?

I'm asking this because in my head I was comparing myself to my friends today and noticed that while we all have relatively similar personalities, our lifestyles end up being totally different. Take my roommate for good example. We grew up around the same sort of things, have overlapping circles of friends, have the same hobbies ect. Yet somehow we lead very different social lives. I've noticed since we started living together that he literally has some new girl all over him 3 times a week just from playing around on tinder.

I got pretty jealous of this at first because I feel like I should be able to form just as many of those relationships as he can from an objective standpoint. While it's not in my nature to rack up a body count of sexual partners, it's baffling to me how it seems that I'm lucky to get a text back or at all once a week from any female and yet he has people blowing up his phone 24/7.

Like I said we live really similar lives. We do similar jobs, we make similar money, we go to just about every social function or event together, ect. I'm not a shy person by any means either, I always leave events or functions with new friends ect but somehow he's always leaving with some new girl wrapped around his finger and I simply don't understand how.

This is where I started to get really frustrated. Like I said, I'm not interested in a body count at all. That sort of lifestyle just simply doesn't appeal to me. (Nothing wrong with people who enjoy it, to each their own) What I don't understand is how easily he can play all these dozens of awesome girls and drop them like it's nothing.

I had a party earlier this week and him and the girl he brought that night (literally the 4th new one that week) and him got into an argument. He stormed off and she sat outside crying so I went over to her and asked what's up. To him she is just 'another hoe' but to hear her tell it she really has genuine feelings for the kid and the way he treats her is tearing her up inside. She's been torn up over him for about a year and he's over here racking up bodies as if there is a prize for it. I just don't get how someone could not lose sleep over playing all of these girls just to have sex with them and lead them on to believe he feels any sort of sentimental attachment to them when truly it's just a ploy for physical enjoyment, or to exploit them for rides or money. It really pissed me off.

Am I just being a really bad friend and ignorantly jealous of his ability to pull literally dozens of women at the drop of a hat or is there some justification in my frustration? Maybe the reason it doesn't go so easily for me is simple bad luck? I really don't know. It feels kinda funny to me that while I truly wanna make meaningful relationships and connections with people I lose sleep at night and feel lonely, but he's never alone for more then 5 minutes because as he would see 'he has hoes eager for him to call them.'

I think I'm being kinda stupid and looking for an excuse to victimize myself. I know relationships aren't everything and I should be happy in the other aspects of my life because when I'm truly happy I won't care anymore that I'm alone. I still feel like it's a sort of garbage feeling to see that I truly lack the skills needed to get girls attention and it's holding me back from lord knows how many positive encounters with people. I know the generic advice would be 'just be yourself' (hell that's even what my friends who I'm jealous of all say) but that seems incredibly cliche and transparent. I guess this is more of a rant then anything. Sorry for the pity party haha.

Before it comes off in a way that I don't wan't lemme just throw out some clarification. I'm not unhappy with how my life is. I get to do really easy work making good money and play guitar all day and go to shows several times a month. I have great friends and family around me and I've been racking up crazy new experiences faster then I can keep track of them. I just feel like I can't flourish romantically/socially as well as my friends around me and I don't understand why.


TLDR: It seems like those around me are incredibly capable of having a plethora of women chase them but I can't seem to stand out to anyone I feel some type of way toward.


Thoughts or comments would be appreciated.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#2
that guy is a dick.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#4
Quote by Pastafarian96
that guy is a dick.


See that's what I said but all my friend that I express my opinion too keep telling me I'm just jealous because I can't do the same. Hell I don't even want to do the same. If I could meet someone that I could happily spend my life with tomorrow and forsake all others I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm not interested in having some crazy hit list of girls I've slept with, I just don't see how relatively similar people can have such drastically different romantic lives.

Quote by yope
money


Elaborate.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#5
wtl;dr i've kinda felt that everyone has a bunch of give-takes with what they have and what they don't have. so that guy probably has some issues that you don't have. and i think it's apparent that he has relationship problems.

i always feel really incompetent socially around two of my friends, they are really funny and you can tell people like being around them. me not so much. but i'm better at guitar then them so.
Last edited by Will Lane at Aug 25, 2015,
#6
Don't copy your friend. He is an ARseHoLe.
Amateur guitarist straight from the oven !




#7
Quote by cheosamad
See that's what I said but all my friend that I express my opinion too keep telling me I'm just jealous because I can't do the same. Hell I don't even want to do the same. If I could meet someone that I could happily spend my life with tomorrow and forsake all others I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm not interested in having some crazy hit list of girls I've slept with, I just don't see how relatively similar people can have such drastically different romantic lives.

this is literally just further confirming that he is a dick.

To you and the girl/s that wanted a real relationship that is, if they just want sex there's nothing wrong there.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#8
Quote by Pastafarian96
this is literally just further confirming that he is a dick.

To you and the girl/s that wanted a real relationship that is, if they just want sex there's nothing wrong there.


I know that's just what he wants. And I'm not gonna pretend that all of these girls are completely heartbroken for this kid. But I've privately spoken to several of them and they all had a history of emotional investment in him and it hurt to know that he truly doesn't care about any of them and is just using them.

As for me, I guess I can sorta hope on random circumstance to eventually pay off? The vast majority of people don't end up alone forever. I'd like to imagine I'll join most people in that majority.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#9
Sounds like he's the one lacking social ability, not you. He's using these women and evidently hurting them in the process. Either he doesn't know he's hurting them (suggesting he's socially oblivious), or he knows but doesn't care (suggesting lack of empathy and possibly even mild sociopathic tendencies)

Don't confuse social prowess with boning people.
🙈 🙉 🙊
#10
If you feel you are incapable of social prowess, then you ARE incapable of social prowess. That's pretty much the whole idea. Fake it til you make it. social skills-wise that is.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#11
Someone else just said something that not only made total sense, but made me look at the situation completely differently. The reason I shouldn't be upset that I'm not getting the same results as him, is because I'm not TRYING to get the same results as him. He is literally actively trying to sleep with as many people as he can (for what reason I'll never know). I already know I'm not trying that so it makes no sense for me to be upset that I'm not getting that. That's like if I was growing apples, and he was growing oranges, and then me getting pissed that I'm getting apples and not oranges.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#12
Quote by cheosamad
Someone else just said something that not only made total sense, but made me look at the situation completely differently. The reason I shouldn't be upset that I'm not getting the same results as him, is because I'm not TRYING to get the same results as him. He is literally actively trying to sleep with as many people as he can (for what reason I'll never know). I already know I'm not trying that so it makes no sense for me to be upset that I'm not getting that. That's like if I was growing apples, and he was growing oranges, and then me getting pissed that I'm getting apples and not oranges.

boom
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#13
Is he more attractive than you?
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


MUSIC THEORY LINK
#14
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#15
No I'd straight up go for him over you, but that's not to say you aren't attractive.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#17
Quote by Pastafarian96
No I'd straight up go for him over you, but that's not to say you aren't attractive.


Not much I can really do about that one. Can't change my face haha.

http://i.imgur.com/8B3S4Ef.jpg
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#18
Quote by cheosamad
Not much I can really do about that one. Can't change my face haha.

http://i.imgur.com/8B3S4Ef.jpg

Such is genetics. Also I re-read my comment, I'm sorry, I put that bluntly and it was kinda mean.

You are still
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#19
Quote by Pastafarian96
Such is genetics. Also I re-read my comment, I'm sorry, I put that bluntly and it was kinda mean.

You are still


Lmao no sweat. Took it in stride.
Besides, someones gotta win.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
Last edited by cheosamad at Aug 25, 2015,
#20
i feel like any time im feeling insecure about my looks (which is never) or want outfit/hairstyling advice i should ask pasta.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#21
Quote by Acϵ♠
i feel like any time im feeling insecure about my looks (which is never) or want outfit/hairstyling advice i should ask pasta.

that is a bad idea
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#22
Quote by Pastafarian96
that is a bad idea


That is the greatest of ideas.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#24
Quote by Pastafarian96
that is a bad idea

Oh wait I misread that

yeah, I'll find your best qualities and try to accentuate your perception of them
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#25
Quote by whywefight
Just pretend you have a huge dick and act accordingly

'Pretend.'


All jokes aside wouldn't that just make me come off like kind of a womanizing douche bag?
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#26
Dude I know EXACTLY how you feel man...only my situation is a bit more extreme. My whole life I've been like most anti social person ever. No friends and I don't get along with my family. Sometimes I think to myself what is it about me that keeps me from able to form relationships with people. I feel like I'm just really different. Part of my lifestyle is by choice because I'm just really careful about who I socialize with. But sometimes I do meet certain people(mainly girls) who I wish I could form some type of relationship with but no matter how hard I try I find myself unable to do so. It can be incredibly frustrating at times. I feel like I miss out so many opportunities because of this. I think what makes it more frustrating is that I attract so many girls, sometimes really beautiful girls and I can't do anything about it because I'm just totally clueless.
#27
Quote by cheosamad
'Pretend.'


All jokes aside wouldn't that just make me come off like kind of a womanizing douche bag?

No. Your mate gets the girls and may be deceptive about his intentions, but trying to get laid isn't a bad thing. As long as you and your partner are on the same page, it's all good.

As far as lifestyles are concerned, similar lifestyles doesn't mean much if the people are just different.
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


MUSIC THEORY LINK
#28
Quote by killaudio666
Dude I know EXACTLY how you feel man...only my situation is a bit more extreme. My whole life I've been like most anti social person ever. No friends and I don't get along with my family. Sometimes I think to myself what is it about me that keeps me from able to form relationships with people. I feel like I'm just really different. Part of my lifestyle is by choice because I'm just really careful about who I socialize with. But sometimes I do meet certain people(mainly girls) who I wish I could form some type of relationship with but no matter how hard I try I find myself unable to do so. It can be incredibly frustrating at times. I feel like I miss out so many opportunities because of this. I think what makes it more frustrating is that I attract so many girls, sometimes really beautiful girls and I can't do anything about it because I'm just totally clueless.


That sounds like hell man. But hey at least you attract them. Gotta start somewhere ya know? I was at one point almost exactly the way you are though. I kept to myself, and didn't really have any friends. I found that while I was comfortable not having friends and keeping to myself, once I started to put myself out there and make more friends it got easier and easier and I'm much happier for it. Not at the point where I'm attracting anyone to me yet but I guess all in due time. Idk if it's something you wanna do but really try just throwing yourself out there dude. It's really uncomfortable and awkward at first but each time it gets a little easier.

Quote by rockingamer2
No. Your mate gets the girls and may be deceptive about his intentions, but trying to get laid isn't a bad thing. As long as you and your partner are on the same page, it's all good.

As far as lifestyles are concerned, similar lifestyles doesn't mean much if the people are just different.


I'm gonna probably continue to do my best to not be deceptive. Feels like it would be sorta messed up to act otherwise. Trying to get laid isn't a bad thing at all, but it's really not what I'm after. I want to try to actually form meaningful relationships/start dating people again. I'm really just not interested in casually having sex with lots of people, and I've done the whole FWB thing and it really just wasn't for me.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
Last edited by cheosamad at Aug 25, 2015,
#29
i didn't read through all of the responses (read the OP).

i had similar feelings in the past, i also had friends who had women lining up for them. me not as much. they would go through girls like crazy. however, fast forward 5 years down the line. i am happily married, and... those friends aren't.

they can go screw around, but two are just very lonely (i have got one call with one crying drunk saying just that. they don't have a companion like i do. they are more empty. my $.02
WTLT 2014 GG&A

Quote by andersondb7
alright "king of the guitar forum"


Quote by trashedlostfdup
nope i am "GOD of the guitar forum" i think that fits me better.


Quote by andersondb7
youre just being a jerk man.



****** NEW NEW NEW!
2017-07-07 2017-07-07 Update and a Chat On Noise Constraints *** NEW FRIDAY 7/7
2017-04-13 RUN AWAY from COMPUTERS!!! TCE? RANT ALERT!!!
2017-03-02 - Guitar Philosophy 1001- Be Prepared For the Situation (Thursday 2017-03-02)
2017-02-21 How to Hot-Rod the Hell of your Stratocaster for $50! (Tuesday 2017-2-21)
Resentments and Rambling from a Guitar Junkie
---> http://trashedengineering.blogspot.com/
#30
Quote by trashedlostfdup
i didn't read through all of the responses (read the OP).

i had similar feelings in the past, i also had friends who had women lining up for them. me not as much. they would go through girls like crazy. however, fast forward 5 years down the line. i am happily married, and... those friends aren't.

they can go screw around, but two are just very lonely (i have got one call with one crying drunk saying just that. they don't have a companion like i do. they are more empty. my $.02


That's pretty much the outcome I'm hoping for. For myself I mean. I don't want my friends to be unhappy lol. I just feel like it's not a likely outcome unless I change the things about me that cause me to not be as attractive as those around me.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#31
Quote by cheosamad
That's pretty much the outcome I'm hoping for. For myself I mean. I don't want my friends to be unhappy lol. I just feel like it's not a likely outcome unless I change the things about me that cause me to not be as attractive as those around me.


maybe you aren't looking in the right places. i met my wife in college music theory. keep your eyes open, it seems to me like they can come up out of the blue.
WTLT 2014 GG&A

Quote by andersondb7
alright "king of the guitar forum"


Quote by trashedlostfdup
nope i am "GOD of the guitar forum" i think that fits me better.


Quote by andersondb7
youre just being a jerk man.



****** NEW NEW NEW!
2017-07-07 2017-07-07 Update and a Chat On Noise Constraints *** NEW FRIDAY 7/7
2017-04-13 RUN AWAY from COMPUTERS!!! TCE? RANT ALERT!!!
2017-03-02 - Guitar Philosophy 1001- Be Prepared For the Situation (Thursday 2017-03-02)
2017-02-21 How to Hot-Rod the Hell of your Stratocaster for $50! (Tuesday 2017-2-21)
Resentments and Rambling from a Guitar Junkie
---> http://trashedengineering.blogspot.com/
#32
Quote by cheosamad
Idk if it's something you wanna do but really try just throwing yourself out there dude. It's really uncomfortable and awkward at first but each time it gets a little easier.


Can you elaborate on this?... I mean definitely wouldnt consider myself to be shy or socially awkward in the sense that I don't know how to talk to people. I can make small talk with absolutely anyone but it never really seems to go past that. I have no problem going up to some random girl at a bar or some thing and talking/dancing with her. It's forming relationships that go beyond that point that I have trouble with.
Last edited by killaudio666 at Aug 25, 2015,
#33
Quote by killaudio666
Can you elaborate on this?... I mean wouldn't definitely not consider myself to be shy or socially awkward in the sense that I don't know how to talk to people. I can make small talk with absolutely anyone but it never really seems to go past that. I have no problem going up to some random girl at a bar or some thing and talking/dancing with her. It's forming relationships that go beyond that point that I have trouble with.


Oh then never mind. You're definitely doing better then me in the social department. Small talk is easy enough for me but I have no idea how to start a conversation with a total stranger. So looks like if anyone should be asking advice it should be me from you not vice versa.
01100100 01101010 01100101 01101110 01110100

At least I djent?
#34
First step is admitting you're jealous because you clearly are or his behavior wouldn't bother you.

Second step is doing something about it. The universe isn't gonna deliver your soulmate to your lap or whatever you're hoping for.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#35
Quote by Pastafarian96
No I'd straight up go for him over you

See OP it's not all bad.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#36
Quote by cheosamad at #33566407
We grew up around the same sort of things, have overlapping circles of friends, have the same hobbies ect. Yet somehow we lead very different social lives. I've noticed since we started living together that he literally has some new girl all over him 3 times a week just from playing around on tinder.

While it's not in my nature to rack up a body count of sexual partners, it's baffling to me how it seems that I'm lucky to get a text back or at all once a week from any female and yet he has people blowing up his phone 24/7.

Like I said we live really similar lives. We do similar jobs, we make similar money, we go to just about every social function or event together, ect. I'm not a shy person by any means either, I always leave events or functions with new friends ect but somehow he's always leaving with some new girl wrapped around his finger and I simply don't understand how.

Like I said, I'm not interested in a body count at all. That sort of lifestyle just simply doesn't appeal to me. (Nothing wrong with people who enjoy it, to each their own) What I don't understand is how easily he can play all these dozens of awesome girls and drop them like it's nothing.

[...]

I just feel like I can't flourish romantically/socially as well as my friends around me and I don't understand why.

Damn, this is baffling. It's a complete mystery. It can't be possible that you two have different personalities/preferences/appearances- you live similar lifestyles! I'm glad you asked this question because the answer is going to take all of us to figure out.
Free Ali
Free Lard
#37
same
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#38
Same here, social anxiety I guess. Don't like company and can't stand the loneliness...
Quote by slapsymcdougal
You can tell if it's eager, because you put your hand down her pants and it feels like a horse eating oats.

Nicest compliment on my looks:
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Putting the 'sex' in 'convicted sex offender'.
#39
Quote by ErikLensherr
First step is admitting you're jealous because you clearly are or his behavior wouldn't bother you.

Second step is doing something about it. The universe isn't gonna deliver your soulmate to your lap or whatever you're hoping for.


Totally.
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#40
Quote by chrismendiola
Damn, this is baffling. It's a complete mystery. It can't be possible that you two have different personalities/preferences/appearances- you live similar lifestyles! I'm glad you asked this question because the answer is going to take all of us to figure out.

WARNING: FATAL SARCASM LEVELS AHEAD
TURN BACK YE WHO ENTER HERE
Page 1 of 2