#1
I've given this part of me to you
Unnatural abilities
Something i left to rot in a tomb
maybe you will look into my eyes
And my intentions will be clearer then ever

Dug a hole out back
Asked the neighbor to shoot the dog
Im a coward and a liar
But you still tuck your hair behind your ear.

I want to give this part of me to you
Tears equate to vulnerability
Something i never thought I'd do.
#2


hi. i don't think we've met . you have doomsday and i have saint. we'll see.

i honestly find that looking into people's eyes never tells me that much at all. people know that their eyes are a vulnerability and they put a lot of effort into eye acting, or eye hiding. it's the other things that give people's true intentions away. it's the foot tapping or the vocal tremor or the head bob or something even more slight - maybe something that they don't do, but normally would. i didn't like this opening much to be honest.

i did like your middle stanza, a lot. it had all kinds of feeling that your opening is missing. just a few short lines that are tangible and now i have questions about the dog and the ethics of your neighbour and your motivations and whose hair is it? do they do it when they're nervous? or happy? what colour hair? it has big impact.

i thought your ending should have rhymed "me" and "vulnerability" instead of "you" and "do" but who am i to put words in your mouth really just write what you want to write.





love is a dog from hell.