#1
Hi there,

Would like some feedback on these lyrics and how they fit the song and its various structures (link to song below).

Close to the Sun

I’m stuck in time
So strange to me
My mind can find
No lock, no key

To rise above
To go beyond
A higher love
Without the bond

I face the wave
Without control
No face to save
No heart and soul

I’m not all right
In pain sublime
I lost the light
My space in time

Close to the Sun
Fly through me
We were taught to run
Not to flee

From father to son
A true legacy
We were meant to run

And deep within
I know it’s true
Where we begin
We start anew

We’re heading for
An open end
We’re soaring high
On wings we lend

Useless, reversing the time
I’m finally through
Why worry, when you’re next in line
What can you do?

Useless, fighting the tide
Just see it through
Why worry, it’s on your side
Whatever you do

Close to the Sun (soundcloud)
#2
I thought it was put together great. For my personal taste the interlude between Without the bond and I face the wave was a bit long. But there may be a plan to add some lead guitar or embellish in come other way. You guys worked hard on this and it really shows. Lyrically it got a little too introspective, again for my taste, but it all fit really together really well.

A thought I had was it might be interesting if it told a story that could build along with the music. I realize the lyrics have a logical progression through a storyline but it is a little hard to follow. I have a thought below. This sample would change the entire song meaning so it might not work specifically but I think it helps connect the thoughts.

If you want other thoughts I will be glad to give feedback. Great job keep it up.

We rise above
and fly beyond
to a higher love
and deeper bond

Embrace the wave
Without control
No pride saved
All heart all soul
#3
Thanks for thoughtful comments, much appreciated!

This is not said in defense, but as a brief explanation to the outline:

The lyrics were based around the idea that we feel that we sometimes fly really close to the sun and then experience a "fall", from the ambitions, desires and ideas of our purpose, created by our egos, and as a consequence find ourselves in a really dark place. A feeling of being trapped in time, longing for something that seems without reach.

Then again, if we are able to look at it from a viewpoint outside of our ego, there is this almost bittersweet realization that we do whatever we do, because we are who we are. That we are destined (if you will) to continue the line, or circle, of life. In this sense, there are really no victories or defeats, no good or evil, everything is just as it must be.

However disturbing or liberating that may seem to the ego, we continue the legacy of our fathers, if not the lessons they tried to teach us, just as they did. The possible purpose of that legacy is not for us to question or perhaps even begin to understand. It can oftentimes feel like an open end, even if we can rationally understand that we are integrated with everything and everyone else, from the beginning and until the end of time.

So, we set out to capture something of these contradictory viewpoints, and the oscillation between them, both lyrically and musically. No truth conveyed, except perhaps for whatever may be hidden in contradiction.

A tall order, I know, and I don't think we pulled it off. But I'm pretty ok with it, considering that the song, including the lyrics, was written, arranged, recorded, mixed and mastered in less than 24 hrs (only a few breaks for food and clearing the head)...

We'll get it right, one of these days! And if not, we'll have had a blast trying!