#1
Been a while since I've had the chance to sit down and write something and I wanted to write something a bit heavier than the stuff I've done in the last year. It's not done yet as I'm a bit stuck on what direction to take this in.

Initially it was going to be some longer epic piece, but now I'm thinking I should end it not too long after where I'm at now.

So while I'd appreciate the usual crit, in particular I'd like some thoughts on...
- Does the final transition from the chorus to the break work?
- Should I remove the final break section and just keep going with the same energy from the chorus?
- Should this be a long or short piece?

You can ignore the random sections floating past the initial song, those are just some things I wanted to write down and potentially use at a later stage.

Cheers!

EDIT 27/10: Done a bit more. Think it's gonna be a section or two more until it reaches some finale.
EDIT 30/11: Finally finished this thing. It's gone on quite a journey and there are some surprising moments, which isn't necessarily a good thing, so I'll let someone give some feedback on this to see if everything works together. So would appreciate some thoughts on v27 now then! Ta.
Attachments:
rock 434 v27.gp4
Last edited by Seb1uk at Nov 30, 2015,
#2
*sees seb1uk upload* *heavy breathing*

-the transition is a bit sudden, but it's kind of a cool, unexpected twist. i personally liked it
-keep it, duh
-if you know anything about my music, it's that i'm biased towards long pieces haha (last one was 9+ minutes)

oh yeah, and this song is hot fire

im sure i've told you before, but you're definitely my favourite musician on here, and probably in general. id love to collab some day
Last edited by pAWNlol at Oct 24, 2015,
#3
Haha thanks for the feedback, as always. Glad the transition worked. I've done a bit more. Worried it's not going to live up to expectations now!

Really appreciate the kind words. Wish I had more time to write and could commit to collaborating!
#4
Quote by Seb1uk
Haha thanks for the feedback, as always. Glad the transition worked. I've done a bit more. Worried it's not going to live up to expectations now!

Really appreciate the kind words. Wish I had more time to write and could commit to collaborating!

same here man haha we're both busy men. but some day we will, and it will be glorious.

and God help us if we got a live jam sesh going on
#5
Finally finished this thing. It's gone on quite a journey and there are some surprising moments, which isn't necessarily a good thing, so I'll let someone give some feedback on this to see if everything works together.

I've listened to some of these bits so many times over I can't tell if it's good or not. So would appreciate some thoughts on v27 now then! Ta.
#6
Oh man, awesome chords in the beginning. Loving the slightly jazzy feel.

35, yo whaaattt? Cool tempo change. I think I listened to a previous version of this and I don't think that lead at 49 was there. At least I don't remember it. I'm not sure I like it very much. At 56 that 14 on the b string causes some unnecessary dissonance.

the lead at 64 makes for a really cool transition though.

Yo, the start of 81 was so cool. I thought you'd go into something catchier with that, but it kind of turned into something less straight-forward until 89. But basically, i thought something simpler and catchier would sound awesome at 81. I'll show you what i mean later on.

The solo was really nice, well done. YO that chord at 128, fuckin love that shit. I like the lead here too (esp. the slide-y shit).

Rhythm riff is cool, a nice change of pace.

Mood break works for what it is... That chord (003410) is so nice. In my opinion, you should start heading towards the end here...

but ya didn't. To me, 179 sounded like a potential "pre-ending" riff. After that, i think the song kind of loses track. The mood of the song never really implied that it should be something "epic" or long. After 179, i start to lose interest.

So yeah. Everything before that is great, flows well and all that. super catchy. you can probably throw away everything after 179 and just end the song with a throwback to some previous riffs. It doesn't have to end SOON after 179, but I don't think any new material should be introduced.

here's kind of what i had in mind at 81:
Attachments:
rock 434 v27 edit.gp5
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Dec 1, 2015,
#7
Much appreciation for the detailed reply.

I do agree with pretty much everything you said there:
- verse p3 at bar 81 was a weakly pulled together section just so I could bridge it to the chorus. Agree something a bit catchier would work better there. Your edit's sparked some ideas so I'll have another go
- I was supposed to end the song just after 179. Like you said, it sounds like it could be building up to the ending and I was going to, but then I accidentally wrote the chorus after it which I really liked and tried to just pull it together. I think I'm just going to migrate everything after the riff at 179 to a new song
- You're right it doesn't ever sound like it would be a long piece, and that's probably because it wasn't supposed to be, pah.

Cheers mate!
#8
Quote by Seb1uk
Much appreciation for the detailed reply.

I do agree with pretty much everything you said there:
- verse p3 at bar 81 was a weakly pulled together section just so I could bridge it to the chorus. Agree something a bit catchier would work better there. Your edit's sparked some ideas so I'll have another go
- I was supposed to end the song just after 179. Like you said, it sounds like it could be building up to the ending and I was going to, but then I accidentally wrote the chorus after it which I really liked and tried to just pull it together. I think I'm just going to migrate everything after the riff at 179 to a new song
- You're right it doesn't ever sound like it would be a long piece, and that's probably because it wasn't supposed to be, pah.

Cheers mate!


oh yes and gimme dat c4c pls (yes i'm beyond all shame now)
#10
i really dig this overall. only things im really not particularly fond of:
-the lead on 187. maybe you were going for a dissonant sound, but it feels really out of place IMO
-the transition to the "melancholy" part. or for that matter, the lack thereof. this song has a lot of sudden tempo changes, and most of them work well, except for this one. i like the part itself, but it just "happens"
-i was really digging the outro, but it just stopped dead. are you planning on having it fade out? because otherwise its a total buzzkill to me

aside from all this, its a really great tune man. the "melody" part was gorgeous, the solos were great, and i really like how youre incorporating more chromaticism
#11
Cheers for checking this out again. I kind of know what you mean on the 187 lead, and similarly know what you mean on the melancholy transition. I've had a couple ideas of how I can change that - largely to do with the drums building up a bit further in advance, which could do the job.

The outro does fade out though, might be if you opened that in GP6 and the track levels didn't transfer properly.

Glad to hear you still enjoyed it. I'll work on splitting this into two songs still though.
#12
This is a very good piece, as are some of the others that I've heard from you. The solos in this remind me of something a band like Polyphia wishes that they wrote.

Structurally, this song is solid. I only had a few minor gripes and decided to offer a few suggestions to make the song a little bit moodier.

---

Bar 64--for some reason, my ear wants to change the final chord to a E power-chord. To my ear, it gives a bit more finality to that particular section.

Bar 75--changed some of the chords around a bit so that there's a bit more variation.

Bar 105-106--I think that a stronger transition could probably be made here. Same thing with 153-154. But then again, it is prog--plenty of well known bands have been gotten away with weaker or more jarring transitions.

Darker chorus--I wanted darker!!! I made a minor edit at bars 252 and 253, and bars 259 and 260.

---

Could you rate my latest piece called Recovery?
Attachments:
rock 434 v27 D2BII edit.zip
#13
Only a couple months late on the reply. Apologies - completely missed this.

Thanks for the kind words and appreciate the effort in the edits.

I'm a fan of all the edits apart from bar 64 - not sure I agree with the E chord to be honest. Might just be because I'm so used to how it sounds it sounds odd now.

And agree that the transitions you flagged could be better. Had the same thought process at the time in that I've seen plenty of bands get away with sloppier transitions!

Will be critting yours shortly.

Cheers!