#1
A person I don't know died and someone posted about it on Facebook.

The comments are mostly variations of "my heartfelt condolences".
Why do people bother writing and saying stuff like that? It's understandable that people who were closely related to them say it, but I feel everyone is pressured into saying something like that.

I'm not looking forward to go through such an experience (excluding the obvious reason), I don't know what to do or say.
How have you dealt with this?
(It doesn't help that in portuguese we have a weird-ass word we only use in these situations... "Pêsames"... ugh it's funny and feels weird to say at the same time, amirite sickman?)

(Also doesn't help that I smile when nervous...)



Also, people seem to be dropping like flies recently. Makes you think death comes in waves.
#2
One time, I made a thread asking why people participate in social contracts that are largely meaningless and I bet this will turn out the same.

Also, yeah, it's strange, isn't it, that death is the most universal phenomenon and we (Western cultures) handle it so dramatically? Also, we ought to find an alternative to burials because it takes up loads of space.
Free Ali
#3
Also, I gotta mention my dawg Karl Pilkington. This is one of my favourite episodes of anything he's ever done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFMVD0eGnns

They do this thing in Singapore (I think that's where this is) where they hire people to cry in dramatic fashion at funerals. I know they do this in the Philippines, too, but I don't have firsthand experience of that.
Free Ali
Last edited by chrismendiola at Nov 5, 2015,
#5
situation 1: someone posts a message on facebook because they need an emotional outlet somehow and grief is overwhelming. Only three people respond.

situation 2: someone posts a message on facebook because they need an emotional outlet somehow and grief is overwhelming. Sixty people respond, at least letting the person know that they've acknowledged it.

situation 2 is better
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#6
Giving a person their condolences no matter who they are is understandable when death happens to each and every one of us. People try and cope with loss differently, and sometimes expressing their thoughts through social media (or any media for that matter) can be a way to help people accept the loss.
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Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Nov 4, 2015,
#7
Death is a complicated dealing, usually, and different types of people try to deal with it in the best way that they can and in ways they think the bereaved will benefit from, so that explains most of it.
My God, it's full of stars!
#8
That video

For professional mourners, they seem pretty crap.


(I think we used to have, or still have, mourners in Portugal as well)
#10
yeah but how do you turn text on the internet feel sincere
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#11
^ it's pretty much impossible in one-way two-dimensional conversation

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#12
Quote by Baby Joel
situation 1: someone posts a message on facebook because they need an emotional outlet somehow and grief is overwhelming. Only three people respond.

situation 2: someone posts a message on facebook because they need an emotional outlet somehow and grief is overwhelming. Sixty people respond, at least letting the person know that they've acknowledged it.

situation 2 is better

Situation 1: you only have three friends.

Situation 2: you only have 800 friends.
Ах, так вы не пьете и не курите?
Хорошо для вас: вы здоровым умрете!
#14
Quote by Zaphikh
Situation 1: you only have three friends.

Situation 2: you only have 800 friends.

This guy knows how shit rolls.
#15
I always imagined that giving condolences was to make the person know you sympathise, and as humans aren't meant to be totally solitary it adds a feeling of community to fill the gap.

my $0.02

EDIT: while not technically an opinion, I'm willing to change this thought if someone finds a credible alternative
Last edited by Pastafarian96 at Nov 4, 2015,
#16
Quote by Minicaxotinho

(It doesn't help that in portuguese we have a weird-ass word we only use in these situations... "Pêsames"... ugh it's funny and feels weird to say at the same time, amirite sickman?)




It's the same word in spanish, it's awful there's no way I can use it and sound normal
#17
Quote by nico_9550
It's the same word in spanish, it's awful there's no way I can use it and sound normal

Right?
#22
Quote by Minicaxotinho at #33667259
The thing I find weird is that people use these ready-made sentences, it seems so fake.


I agree. It's like when there's some tragedy and a bunch of people die all the comments on facebook/newspaper articles online are just the same thing over and over: "so sad, my condolences to the families"

Is there really any point in commenting the same thing as everyone else, regardless of whether you're sincere or not?
I have nothing important to say
#23
Quote by chrismendiola
One time, I made a thread asking why people participate in social contracts that are largely meaningless and I bet this will turn out the same.

Also, yeah, it's strange, isn't it, that death is the most universal phenomenon and we (Western cultures) handle it so dramatically? Also, we ought to find an alternative to burials because it takes up loads of space.


We do have an alternative. I'm pretty sure they call it cremation, or dog food.

The States has a cremation rate of around 40%. Over this side of the pond, we cremate over 70% of the dead. Japan's at something like 95%.

And the Western world is hardly the only group of cultures that acts 'dramatically.'
Last edited by Deliriumbassist at Nov 5, 2015,
#24
I think people use the 'readymade' lines because it's safe. Its obvious what ur intentions are and we all know what it means. Theres no way it could be misconstrued because society has constructed it for these types of situations. Also when ur dealing with grief all u really need is people to be there for you and this expresses that.
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#25
Quote by chrismendiola
One time, I made a thread asking why people participate in social contracts that are largely meaningless and I bet this will turn out the same.

Also, yeah, it's strange, isn't it, that death is the most universal phenomenon and we (Western cultures) handle it so dramatically? Also, we ought to find an alternative to burials because it takes up loads of space.


You made a thread about sneezing. This is about loss, way different. Quit being so butthurt that everyone thought your opinion was shitty.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
Last edited by JustRooster at Nov 5, 2015,
#27
shitty things are always shitty but i would never mention anything or offer any words to or about a person i never knew, its not my place to, nothing i could say could ever be sincere because i have no emotional investment or prior knowledge or anything, and i would hope others show me or anyone i know the same respect, frankly it comes off as rude IMO
#28
It's the polite thing to do in real life and that translates into the online world.

"Hey Bob! How are you?". "I'm ok lost mom a few weeks back." "I'm so sorry to hear that.".........now wither you are sorry and sad that Bob lost his mom doesn't really matter, the polite and basically expected thing to do is offer compassion.

What I find weird is the outrage and grief people have over people they never knew existed until the news told them they died. Like the people who flock to take flowers and teddy bears to the sight of a killing or something. That is only to make YOU feel better where as the Condolences to someone else is to make THEM feel better.
#29
Quote by chrismendiola
We ought to find one and use it more frequently.*


i think something like half of all people are cremated
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#30
Quote by theogonia777
i think something like half of all people are cremated

Half of all people globally? I was talking about Western cultures. If that is the case, half still isn't enough, ya know?
Free Ali
#31
Quote by chrismendiola
Half of all people globally? I was talking about Western cultures. If that is the case, half still isn't enough, ya know?


Simple enough to raise the numbers.

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#32
I read something about cremation in Portugal a few days ago, and it's about 14% of people now, but was like 4% 10 years ago, which is pretty interesting.

Also yeah I get how you feel about the whole "pêsames" thing, the English "I'm sorry about ..." thing sounds much more natural and sincere, I guess because it uses common everyday words.

Of course then there's also RIP, which I have a really hard time taking seriously and I didn't even know it was still genuinely used until a few months ago.
#33
Quote by chrismendiola
One time, I made a thread asking why people participate in social contracts that are largely meaningless and I bet this will turn out the same.

Also, yeah, it's strange, isn't it, that death is the most universal phenomenon and we (Western cultures) handle it so dramatically? Also, we ought to find an alternative to burials because it takes up loads of space.


nearly everyone here is cremated for this reason

unless you can afford a nice plot of land in a graveyard
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#34
I Googled it, and yeah, people are being cremated more frequently than I guessed.

Still too much space being taken up by burials, though.
Free Ali
#35
Quote by chrismendiola
I Googled it, and yeah, people are being cremated more frequently than I guessed.

Still too much space being taken up by burials, though.


I agree, so much wasted space considering how cramped everything feels here as it is
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#36
How much space is actually being taken up? I can't even think of many cemeteries around me, and most of them are like half filled if that.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#37
Quote by WCPhils
How much space is actually being taken up? I can't even think of many cemeteries around me, and most of them are like half filled if that.

Well in the #landofthefree , we don't have to worry about space as much, but that space could be allotted for something other than rotting corpses.
Free Ali
#38
Quote by sickman411
Of course then there's also RIP, which I have a really hard time taking seriously and I didn't even know it was still genuinely used until a few months ago.

Ugh I forgot about that
#39
The West's perception of death and the afterlife is a naive, twisted sickness, really. A pathetic display of decadence and false worship, ironically consumed by that which we hold ourselves above.

and stuff
Praise the Z-Dog, my DADDY