#1
something ive been working on the last 2 or 3 days


I hear the ringing of the bell
Is it true I never can tell
Those words you speak are often lies
I can see it all behind your eyes

Im trying to do what I do most
Look like im winning when I clearly lost
Im in a trap that I cant get out
Can you hear me when I shout

I hear the ticking of the clock
Im not surprised but im in shock
Will you ever give up this chase
Maybe its time to disappear with a trace

I’ll leave soon but I don’t care
But I don’t know when and I don’t know where
Everyone all looks the same
We have new players in a different game

Its starting to feel a little strange
I’m still me I’ll never change
I’ve always been who I am
Was that part of your plan?

I stand here at the empty arcade
Those memories begin to fade
And the rain in beating down
But its going up and all around

I feel like I done this all before
It could be once or it could be more
Ive just found what was mine
But I do this every single time

Im abandoned in myself
Just me and no-one else
Only to get one thing straight
I’ll keep going at any rate

I’ve given up the game ive got to leave
Its not what I want but its what I need
To hear your sound just once more
Before I forever close the door
Last edited by estranged_2003 at Nov 10, 2015,
#4
This is all great!

The only thing that kind of stuck out was the last two lines on this part:

"I stand here at the empty arcade
Those memories begin to fade
And the rain in beating down
But its going up and all around"



The last two lines feel forced. Almost as if you you really liked the first two lines so much you didn't want to scrap them so you threw down the last two. I ran it through my head for a good minute, but wasn't able to come up with a different wording.

Solid work though. Keep it up!
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER
#5
Quote by NotOneWithNames
This is all great!

The only thing that kind of stuck out was the last two lines on this part:

"I stand here at the empty arcade
Those memories begin to fade
And the rain in beating down
But its going up and all around"



The last two lines feel forced. Almost as if you you really liked the first two lines so much you didn't want to scrap them so you threw down the last two. I ran it through my head for a good minute, but wasn't able to come up with a different wording.

Solid work though. Keep it up!


thanks

how about

the rain it keeps on beating down
its the only thing that keeps me on the ground

any better?
Last edited by estranged_2003 at Nov 16, 2015,