#1
I've been stuck on this line "I want to stand in the air that you breathe" for a long time now and the chorus is one that I really like. Kinda hoping someone can give me some ideas on what to do with everything else.


Verse 1)
Standing in the burning flames
And riding waves that stay the same
Dancing in places I've never seen
Got lost somewhere in between
Keep losing my mind
For just one thing

(Chorus)
We might not be together
We might not be apart
We might not be forever
But we are
x2

(Verve 2)
Chasing time with the setting sun
What was lost has come undone
Twice been told to just let go
Searching for answers I'll never know
Still losing my mind
For just one thing

(Chorus)
We might not be together
We might not be apart
We might not be forever
But we are
x2

(Bridge)
Like a diamond lost at sea
I want to stand
In the air that you breath
I want to stand
In the air that you breath

(Chorus)
We might not be together
We might not be apart
We might not be forever
But we are
x2
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER
Last edited by NotOneWithNames at Nov 15, 2015,
#2
Like a diamond lost at sea
I want to stand
In the air that you breath
I want to stand
In the air that you breath

This Simili makes no sense
Diamonds in the sea don't stand in breathable air.
It makes as much sense as

Like a treefrog in a bakery
I want to bounce
In the water that you drink

Diamonds and the ocean and girls air is all very nice and "poetic" but you need to bring together some kind of narrative to make this stuff make any sense.
Are you referring to yourself as the diamond? Is the sea "her" or "her air" or an emotion?

My advice is to throw away the diamonds and the sea. And identify and simplify what you're really trying to say in this section, there's no real need for sexy poetic nouns.
Last edited by Stonesatreyu at Nov 21, 2015,